Underage sex

[VikkiStMichael1]

Just looking for opinions from other parents.

I was chatting to my SIL about my nephew (he’s 14 nearly 15) who’s recently started having sex with his girlfriend who’s just turned 14.

I was quite surprised because I thought this was a bit young- but my SIL went on to explain that as long as they are safe (as in environment and using condoms) she accepts that’s the way it is.

I suppose it’s unrealistic to expect teenagers to wait until the age of consent but at what age do other parents think it’s acceptable? Or would you say it’s more about level of maturity rather than age?

My DC’s aren’t quite teenagers yet but I’m dreading it

Having a nearly 15 year old DD who has a boyfriend this is something on my mind a lot currently.
I just want her to make a choice and not feel unable to say no ( like I was). I want her to be safe from both disease and pregnancy and be able to talk to me. I feel that if I come down hard against underage sex she won't talk to me and I have to keep the lines of communication open.

at what age do other parents think it’s acceptable?

Definitely not at 14 why is your SIL even allowing that? I’m usually very much one that believes if they’re doing it then they’re doing it, there’s nothing I can do and it’s better to be safe but at 14 that’s way too young and there is something you can do to stop them at that age. Is her mum aware?

Its illegal. Why don't you phone the police?

@omygoodness whilst it is illegal it is two 14 year olds the police are not going to prosecute in this situation.
What has to be weighed up is will vilifying them change or improve the situation or do they need help and support to make health safe choices.

Yes the girls mum is also aware, she feels she is emotionally mature enough.

I don’t really think calling the police is appropriate- despite it technically being illegal all parties concerned are apparently ‘happy’ with the situation

I'm also concerned about underage sex right now as DD (13) has her first boyfriend and although sex isn't an issue right now, I've suddenly started worrying that she'll want to become sexually active underage.

I completely agree that 14 is too young, but I honestly don't know what I'd do - I couldn't really prevent them sleeping together and like your SIL, I'd rather they were safe and using contraception.

DD and I have discussed the legal age and I've advised her to wait. I can only hope that she does. Parenting young teens is scary!

It depends on the teenagers. Some are so much more mature than others. But if they are of a comparable age, have been going out for months and know to use contraception, then I think it's up to them. I'm less relaxed about it if one is 18 and one is 13/14.

At least they feel confident to be honest and not hide it. Not sure what good anyone ringing the police would do? Police turn up, both teens deny it, police wouldn't do anything, teens would never tell parents anything again.

I would say as long as they're being careful then I'd accept it, I wouldn't be happy about it but there really isn't all that much you can do.

The fact that they're being open about it and (hopefully) using contraception would tell me that they've been mature enough to discuss and prepare with each other.

My (now) DH and I started having sex at 14/15 but we had been together for 6 months by then and we had discussed it rather than just jumping on impulse.

My 14 year old DD is keen to have sex.
It strikes horror into my very soul but she is five foot eight, curvy, mature, sensible and very honest with me. I've dissuaded her as much as I can but I know it may happen anyway, despite the law and my feelings. However, I'd rather I knew than didn't know so that we can sort out contraception/ safety etc. Although it makes me wish she was 4 again

Darlin', there ain't anythin' wrong with it.
I had my first hooch 'round the bush when I was thirteen with a lovin' spanish boy of the same age. I shared this love with many men throughout my teenage years and it was quite consensual. I'd say let it be, she's not going to catch any STIs, STDs or any of the ST-ABCs.

Everyone knows teenagers will push back and find a way to do what they want eventually

I'd have a similar approach as your SIL as I'd worry that if we didn't, they may find another way or place of being intimate and that may be far more dangerous

Aslong as both involved know the pros and cons and are safe and care for one another (and know that it's ok to say no), then you've done all you can as a parent. After all, we're parents, we guide- not control.