What do you do about lying?

[Firefliess]

My DSS is 15 and we're struggling to know how to deal with habitual lying. Often it's just small things (have you brushed your teeth? He'll say yes, when he hasn't, etc) But it's quite persistent. When asked just about any question he doesn't really seem to have any interest in giving an honest answer, just whether one he thinks you want to hear.

This weekend he ate an entire box of chocolates and then insisted he hadn't. He might have been hoping we'd blame one of the other teens, but as it happens they were all out so we're 100% sure it was him. He's really upset saying he's been "falsly accused" but I think just digging himself into a hole he can't get out of.

How can we help him not to lie so habitually? Or to find a way of backing down and apologising when he is caught out? Any tips?

For serious lying you would need to add a punishment for lying on top of the punishment for doing wrong. But habitual lying often comes from over-control, so you are probably micromanaging.

1. Avoid opportunities for lies - so don't ask questions when you already know the answer.

1. Asking him about brushing his teeth isn't a question, it's a reminder. So ask him if he wants to be reminded to brush his teeth or not, and if he says no, then stop. (I can't imagine asking a 15 year old with no SN to brush his teeth, at that age either they want to do it or they don't, but maybe he is forgetful.) If he does say yes, then carry treat it as a reminder not a question.

1. Did you need a forensic interrogation about a box of chocolates? You have a teenage boy in the house. They're gannets. Have a general shout and rant at everyone "Oi, who ate all the chocolates? I was looking forward to those! they were for sharing etc etc" and then let it go.

Good luck.

Thanks Amaryllis That's really helpful. Avoiding the questions that we know are likely to yield a lie is definitely a good idea

I really struggle with this too. I grew up in a household where my brother lied his head off day in, day out, and still does. Of course this had an impact on me (my property, my wellbeing etc) and as an adult with a teenage son who is exactly as the OP describes, I am finding it hard.

I actually sat him down last night and told him nicely but clearly: it's horrible living with a liar, it affects everyone's lives, and that I couldn't let him grow up to be a shit so I'm not letting anything go.