Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

16 yo Dd out of control

10 replies

Darahstar · 27/11/2018 07:35

Where do I begin...? My 16 year old has never been an angel but was a sweet girl. She got diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic at 10 and did really well for the first couple of years. Her dad let me when DD was 13 for one of my work colleagues (very long story but was pretty distressing at the time) and so I agreed to co parent. He had been physically, financially, verbally and mentally abusive to me for I'd say the majority of our relationship, my parenting undermined, and my daughter seeing him explode, I was kind of the fire wall in the house trying to stop him getting at her, oh my god I wish I had left, not that I would have known how.

Anyhow, he moves on, they set up home, I agree 3 nights a week, stuff sort of works out for a while. I get help, try my best to bury any jealousy and hide it from DD and the revaluation this other lady did me a favour becomes apparent. I have a few boyfriends, no one worthy of meeting my daughter and I keep my personal and mum life separate. All I. The background they're storing that I'm a prostitute and the usual. They get engaged and my daughter stops her insulin, ends up in hospital. It was hell. We get out, we get a Camhs referral and I think finally we'll get the help we need, school counselling seemed to cause more problems than it solved. Camhs was awful, no diabetic help, just a trawling through the past, me getting told off for grounding DD for stealing in from of DD and just a complete mess, she decides she doesn't want to see dad so there's a 6 week period of no dad and a ton of emotional blackmail texts...

3 years on, they're married a year, I've met a new partner and he's moved in after a year of being together. We're co parenting again. My daughter becomes out of control, is abusing her insulin so I'm on hospital instructions to check everything g she does. I get a load of hassle from school telling me I shouldn't have moved in with my partner (errr... none of their business) and suddenly social services contact me, they've had a referral from school?!? WTF? We meet, it's okay, the woman suggests mediation and I think that's a great idea. She goes home.

I go up to check DDs too
For washing and find, my stolen IPad, my stolen trainers and a load of other stuff poking out of her bag! This stuff has been missing a while and she swore she didn't take it. Long story short after a calm talk about being upset with her I call her dad, it turns out he's been waiting around the corner the whole time and knew about social services?!? She's gone to live with him now and I'm scared I've lost her forever. I haven't contacted them, I'm leaving it to all calm down. I'm hoping that as they will now have to do all her care, deal with her what I feel is in appropriate behaviour with boys (she took one to my house whilst I was away for a week and was in her dads care) they will see what it's actually like to deal with her. But I'm just so worried I've been set up by them all to just look like a terrible mum, all because I finally found a man to be with who isn't a monster. That might seem irrational but I just can't trust them any more. I'm actually scared she'll come back to my house whilst we're at work and break things, steal etc. So I've gone as far as adding a deadlock. So fed up of living in fear of them.

OP posts:
happyclapper · 01/12/2018 23:05

I’m so sorry you are going through such an awful time. I am at least pleased you have found someone you can be happy with.You are obviously really concerned about your DD but , as I am beginning to experience, teenagers can be pretty selfish and heartless.
I can’t offer any real advice other than look after yourself and your partner and be there for when your daughter needs you.

Darahstar · 02/12/2018 10:36

Thank you, well haven't heard a thing from her in a week now. I've had 2 messages off her step mum asking where to take her for appointments. No updates, nothing. I'm doing my best to avoid texting when I'm worried. My rationale being that if she was in hospital they would have let me know. I can only assume she's okay. I've offered to get her spare insulin to them, school books, no reply. I'm just going to leave it until I'm contacted. Last year she didn't want to see her dad and I was inundated with texts saying he was going to kill himself from various members of his family and him. I hid this from DD because she seemed so distressed about anything to do with him. When I called him about her behaviour 2 months ago he hinted it would be my turn soon to have her not want to see me, I really have started to believe that he's got some involvement in this latest drama. Every time I try and make my life calm and steady he creates some drama to try and mess it all up, so I'm being as opposite to the drama as I can and just carrying on. It's hard though, I just can't understand why someone who was so adamant they were moving on and has done has such an unhealthy obsession with not allowing me to do the same.

OP posts:
XXcstatic · 02/12/2018 10:41

Sorry things are so tough Flowers. Not sure it helps, but this sort of behaviour with insulin is incredibly common in teenagers with T1 DM. She will grow out of it - but so worrying for you until she does.

Darahstar · 02/12/2018 10:51

Thank you, I keep getting told it's normal, still makes you worry when you meet older type 1's who have had eye surgery in their 20's because of disregarding it in their teens. She just has so much going for her and it's heartbreaking that she's just so willing to throw it all away. It's like talking to a brick wall...

OP posts:
Oblomov18 · 02/12/2018 10:59

Sorry that this is such a mess.
1)Teenagers are very self centred often. Generally. Ds1 is. 2)All the disruption and on-off with her Dad.
3)I am a diabetic and rebelled a lot in my late teenage years by doing little testing and just going out and drinking, and eating whatever I wanted. Pretty standard.

You need help and support. Have you at Least got someone to talk to in RL?

Darahstar · 02/12/2018 11:19

Yes I have an amazing DP and some lovely friends. Sometimes you just need to rant it out here though to get all the things you don't want to repeat to everyone over and over again off your chest. It's reassuring to know that you came through it after and have a normal (what's normal?!? Lol) life. There's just so much buried guilt on my part for her having T1 in the first place (I know I couldn't have avoided it), for trying to coparent to and it just not working and not being stronger earlier by letting them all treat me like a doormat. I don't want to be an angry bitter person, I just worry about her and it's eating me up a bit sometimes.

OP posts:
Oblomov18 · 02/12/2018 11:41

T1 is a fucker!! Grin
Why did she get it? Who knows! Why do some people get cancer? Parkinson's?
Don't feel guilt. Wasted emotion. You have no reason to. Nothing you could of done would've prevented this.

I have very brittle, very hard to control and very unpattern-less diabetes, but hey ......I'm often off out partying, leaving 2 ds's at home with Dh to watch football.
My mum always instilled in me that diabetes wasn't going to stop me doing anything. and it hasn't! All you can do is try and instil that in her.
She Probably doesn't wanna hear it right now, doesn't wanna hear anything, but she'll come round eventually.

Oblomov18 · 02/12/2018 11:42

Rant away. Mn is good for that!

Darahstar · 02/12/2018 12:27

Thank you, and yup! Totally agree, it shouldn't stop her doing anything in the world, I've been trying to get that across to her. Doesn't help that school tell her a ton of BS about awwww it's so hard for you... here have some sugar or awwww, your mum is so mean for not being at your beck and call all the time because she works full time to keep a roof over your head. Had the nerve to say I'd imprisoned her when she tried running off half way through a hypo and didn't want to treat it?!? They just don't get it at all. Then the hospital come out with, be on her back, cut the junk food, blah blah which I do to an extent. Her dad has a terrible temper, then panders to her because he feels guilty when he lost his shit, she manipulates him very easily. I can't influence what happens now, she'll just have to learn for herself. She can't play everyone off against each other. It will bite her in the arse.

OP posts:
t1mum3 · 03/12/2018 15:14

@Darahstar, if you are on facebook there is a good, very supportive/non judgemental group: "parents of type one teens." We're just on the cusp of the teen years with type one in the mix and I have to admit I'm pretty scared about it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.