Bloody teenager behaviour

[pickledolive]

Ok here goes my eldest dc is 13 . His mood swings are getting unbearable . The thing is the bad moods are only towards me. I think it's my fault because I'm the parent who will be nice all the time, pick him up if he wants me to from friends I give him money to go out with friends. He's nice to me only when he wants something and extremely rude or blanks me most of the other times . My partner his dad has the more tough love approach . And although he is rude to him sometimes it doesn't get to him like it does to me. Please help give me tips.

Stop licking his arse when treats you like shit would be my first thought

I know any I just find it hard I'm scared he will hate me

You need to nip this in the bud now. Next time he's nice to you because he wants something point out very firmly that 2 minutes of being pleasant does not get him what he wants, he needs to start treating you with at least common courtesy all the time.

It may be a phase, but if you don't tackle it the 15 - 19 year ages will be really awful.

Good luck

He hates you anyway. Or at least he has zero respect for you which in teen-brain means the same thing.

I would stop all the favours until he can at least be civil. At the moment, you are acting like a doormat. And who respects doormats ?

He treats you like that because he can.

It had zero effect on his life.

He gets to use you as an emotional punchbag, ATM and taxi.

Bloody hell - grow a pair!

Its your job to parent him - not to be his best mate!

Otherwise he will continue to be entitled, rude and arrogant.

He is learning from you that he can be charming until he gets what he wants and then treat you badly - and there are no consequences! Think about it! This is how he thinks he can behave around the most important woman in his life right now - what will he be like in the future, if nothing changes?

This is bad parenting...do you get that ?

He won’t hate you. He needs to respect you though as he’s treating you like a doormat.
Next time he’s rude to you tell him you’re not doing anything nice for him until you get some proper respect

I know I need to grow a pair ( I hate that expression) but I know I do . Need to stop being so nice for the quiet life and sort myself and him out.

That's not so much teenage behaviour as the behaviour of somebody rude and manipulative. I'd forgo the taxi service until he can treat you with respect.

Ds is 12 nearly 13. Refused to take him to a friends the other day cos he spoke to me like a piece of shit. He had to contact friend to say he could t come over (I texted friends mum to apologise but ds doesn’t know that). He’s been much nicer since.

AnyFucker - the abuse is not really necessary now, is it? Not everyone is a “perfect” parent like you, some people just need advice on how to handle things, like OP here. No need for your rude attitude!

He might hate you for a while but he'll get over it. They need firm reliable people in their lives. They may not like you but they need to have someone reliable & consistent.

I wasn't talking to you, Puzzled. Let the op speak for herself.

Teenagers often hate their parents - they get over it eventually. You have to love them enough to let them hate you.

I think I knew what the problem was it's just hard to feel like he hates me. Got to nip this in the bud or like pp have said it will only get worse as he gets older.

Ha had to laugh at the 'nip this in the bud' comment. I tried to do that when my ds was 13. Came down really hard, no favours, lifts, removal of gadgets etc. Didn't bloody work, I've now got a moody rude 15 year old. I still give him consequences mind.
If nip this in the bud worked, nobody would have nightmare teenagers, we would have cracked it!

Just to add OP, it's not bad parenting. The teenage phase hasn't got a notorious reputation for no reason.
It's bloody hard, give consequences and don't take it personally, they're going through a lot physically and emotionally.
Get support from people who've been through it.

Haha whoopi you could be right but just imagine how entitled your moody rude 15 year old would be now if he had been consequence free for the last 2 years.

The bad behaviour of mine hit with her suffering MH issues at age 17 now nearly 20 and I honestly didn't see it coming, I think I'm coming out the other side but bloody hell its been hard.

Good luck and hand holds to all with teens in the midst of their brains going through the rewiring process.

OP, on the surface it might feel like your child hates you but deep down and in future years he will have more respect for you for laying down ground of basic respect and manners. You need to show a good example, it might not be what he wants but it's what he NEEDS at this age. You'll have a selfish brat on your hands if you keep pussyfooting around him. Be strong and good luck...you can do it!