Secondary school without a bra?

[TallAndUnapologetic]

DD (11) is in 1st year of secondary - has had first growth spurt but still flat chested for now. Comes home from school today and tells me when changing after PE, she found out 1 or 2 prepubescent friends whose mums insist they wear croptops as "bra practice".

Not sure if DD has seen a few too many of those motivational things 20-somethings post about the unhooking the bra being the best part of the day, but it touched off a long "what if" chat about doing adolescence braless. School seemed like the only problem area.

All my schooling was in the Netherlands so school uniform is quite literally a foreign concept but I've never read anything about underwear regulations, and outside PE (I would insist on a sports bra to change into) I couldn't think of a good reason why it wouldn't at least be feasible.

Am I off the mark?

Yes, you are off the mark by an enormous distance.

This s nothing whatsoever to do with school uniform.

It is everything to do with her peer group. She is not you.

If she wants to wear a bra or bralet or crop top, even if the reason is just to fit in with her friends for heavens sake let her

Sounds like for whatever reason she wants one. I agree that even if it's just to fit in, I'd get her them.

By secondary they're often growing out of wearing vests etc and will want something under for when they're changing for PE

Surely wearing a bra is a personal choice

If she wears a school shirt, her nipples would most likely be clearly visible which might cause her issues. What does she think?

I’m not sure I understand the post - are you saying she wants to wear a bra but you don’t want her to?

Also surely they aren't completely prepubescent at 11? I would assume they at least need something under the shirt?

I’m reading the other way- the DD has friends wearing crop tops as bra practice, and this has bothered her - probably because:

• she’s wondering what’s so hard about wearing a bra that you need to practice
• she’s seen online content about bra related discomfort
• she believes she would rather never wear a bra

Is that right OP?

Please get her a top to wear instead of a bra..... I was very flat chested at 13 when the boys ripped my shirt off my back and I am sure it wouldn't have happened if I had been wearing a bra or similar :-(

School shirts are basically see through. They’re not suitable really without something underneath and girls will probably be teased if they wear vests beyond a certain age.

I'm really lost. If your daughter wants to wear a crop top / bra take her shopping and let her.
If she doesn't, then don't.
Tbh, my DD would find a starchy school shirt uncomfortable without something underneath, but peer pressure would dictate no vests at 11.

I get the need for a crop top. There was a summer term where my DM was at how I looked without a school jumper and had to make me wear a crop top. I was very resistant

TheSheepofWallSt has it right. Gist of chat with DD was "Do I HAVE to wear a bra when my boobies start growing?" (Sorry if that was unclear - English still manages to be tricky even after living here 15 years)

I'm certainly not going to actively encourage her to 'freeboob' but I also don't want her to think of bras as anything other than an item of clothing with a clear practical purpose. They're an option, not an obligation.

Not all school shirts are see through .

NO-one should have to wear a bra if they don't want to. Nobody should be stopped from wearing one if they do want to.

I guess it depends on your size, but as someone with quite large boobs I cannot imagine ever wanting to go braless. It would be so uncomfortable and awkward to me. I don't see it as a tool of oppression. I guess it might not feel the same if she stays flat-chested. But chances are DD will need to wear a bra, so I'd think it was better to encourage her to feel positive about her changing body, than something to dread.

The issue is movement of the breasts- they bounce in several directions, and hippies- they are visible. If neither of these things bother her- then no. She doesn't. It's a choice. But also a societal expectation- so if they're bouncing around they are more noticeable than 'restrained' ones. I am a free boob individual. I don't wear bras, unless excercising. I don't wear them to work, or out. I wear a vest to reduce the bounce- but it's not always effective. At times (winter) I tape up my nipples if required depending on the top I'm wearing so they aren't sticking out. Good vests will do her fine, if that's how she feels at the moment. The peer issue may occur later though, but that's a whole other issue.

It's very fashionable not to wear a bra at the moment: my 23 and19 year olds don't. I think it's bonkers, I think they look better with, but I'm an old glimmer, what do I know?

I'd leave it up to her, but insist on some sort of covering because of the transparency of a school shirt. A vest perhaps

I’m amazed she hasn’t asked for one sooner. Most of my dd’s friends started wearing crop tops around year 5. Some started wearing bras if they were developing but they all wore something under the school shirt.

One of mine refused to wear bras for years (till around 16). She said they were uncomfortable. She did wear crop tops but they were young teen ones that provided little support. Meanwhile her breasts grew quite large. Going to her prom changed her mind as she needed one for her outfit. Now she won't take them off even at night!

Younger dd isn't so developed as yet but does have breasts at 13. She wears bras when it suits her - for PE for example. Otherwise she wears nothing under her school shirt (it's striped so not see through as such).

Just let her do what she feels happy with.

@twosoups1972 DD hasn't asked for one at all yet.

@Sundance2741 So it has been done! Thank you for sharing that. Has either DD ever complained about teasing because of it?

No teasing I'm aware of. To be honest it wasn't that apparent with loosish shirt and usually a blazer on top (they weren't allowed to take them off except in lessons so less time for noticing to take place!)