Hi,
My DD has anxiety and depression and is undergoing weekly CBT psychotherapy with CAHMS. She has episodes of suicidal thoughts. This has been going on for a couple of years on and off.
To be honest I am also someone who has lived with depression since I was 13 and suicidal thoughts, so I know how it is.
She has just split up with her boyfriend (8 month relationship). He also had mental health problems and to be honest I am glad the relationship has ended as he had his own issues which I won't go into but let's just say he lied, alot.
It would seem a fair few teens do have quite severe mental health problems, plus we talk about it more so it's definitely something that's appears more prominent now than ever before and with 1 in 4 people being affected by mental health issues it's hard to know how to handle this.
To also put you in the picture about her, she is an exceedingly bright girl, very ambitious and headstrong, she doesn't let anything stand in her way of education. She is super strong willed and focused. She is hoping to get into one of the best uni's in the country but with that comes pressure beyond the norm, and, it's very very common for young people in those type of universities to have issues with mental health. This is another concern of mine.
Right now, she won't eat, won't come out of her room, or talk to me. I can't help her and I know she wishes she could be back together with him. She is also saying stuff like she doesn't want to go to college and she doesn't really care anymore. She is a fairly insular person and always has been, she doesn't like to be that social with us, but she always has time for friends. She isolates herself alot and then says stuff like she is lonely. But when she says that (right now), she really means she is lonely because the one person she put everything into is not there anymore. She is definitely one of those people that has put all of her time and importance into that one person, so it's like a tidal wave when it falls apart. She doesn't really have any close friends anymore to support her. She did have one special, good friend, but they grew apart when they left school. I feel this was more on my DD's part becuase she found a new cool crowd - sad but true. She would probably really appreciate that person right now. I have told her, like I have to tell myself, it's just a case of putting one foot in front of the other and taking each day as it comes, and not to be too hard on yourself. I remind her that I'm there but she doesn't want anything and is just literally in her bed as soon as she gets home - crying.
She dreads going to college and come home crying. She says it's not all about him, and says she has other stuff going on too (friend stuff) and was generally feeling really down and anxious before the break up.
The thing is, I get this. I have been in this exact space at 15, 16, 17 and more. I have dealt with it and many more heartaches plus had to deal with depression all of my life. I don't know what to do though and part of me wants her to just try a bit harder because what she is doing is just perpetuating it. But I am wiser and have been through so many things, and each time I come out the other side - not always lots better but certainly still alive and ready to move forward. It just takes time and you have to be patient with yourself. Some people though don't make it that far, if you know what I mean, and I guess I'm scared for her. Part of me thinks well we all go through breaks up, and even though she is saying it's not all about that, I feel it has alot to do with alot. We all know how it feels to hurt deeply and she is hurting but, becuase of the way she deals with things sometimes I just don't know one day to the next.
Can anyone offer any advice?