Why do some parents over react so much about underage drinking

[doggylover2]

So I've seen a lot of parents freaking out about underage drinking. Now I understand That if your teen is drinking vodka from the bottle that's not ok (mine knows that she can do that so long as she's willing to be murdered by me when I find out) but some parents have said something like a 17 year old having a glass of wine with a meal is no different to heroin. I have a few things wrong with that

1. it's alcohol which they can drink in a years time at 17. You probably drink alcohol.'
2. heroin is a highly dangerous, highly illegal drug which is dangerous in any dosage alcohol is only dangerous if you aren't sensible with it
3. it's with a meal and it's probably adult supervised so it's not like a bottle of vodka On a empty stomach on a street corner
4. when have you walked into a supermarket and seen heroin have its own isle.

I am fairly lax with my 15 year old drinking. She knows she's allowed a drink every so often BUT if she starts slacking in school then she won't have a drink with my permission until she's 18. By the way I give her something like a glass of prosecco not a G&T.
Alcohol is dangerous in large amounts yes but in small amounts it's very unlikely to do serious harm. And it's not like she gets it every week 2 times a month would be heavily exaggerating. Also one last time ITS NOT HEROIN!!!!!!!

I have never heard or seen any adult compare teen drinking to heroin

@nellly I've had plenty of parents ask me stuff after I mention letting my DD have a small drink like "do you inject her heroin as well" and "are you also supplying her with heroin"

Because it is bad to binge drink to excess. Bad for your liver, brain and weight.
And it means you are more likely to get into a dicey situation because your reactions aren’t as quick. An acquaintance drowned after wondering off and falling into a river while drunk.

@Biologifemini I'm aware of that but that's in large dosages

Because they've lived sheltered lives and are too strict on their young ones. They also don't realise restricting things makes teens rebel. The teens that aren't allowed to drink until it's legally allowed to do so are the ones slugging off vodka bottles and getting way too drunk on nights out.

Dd was allowed to have a few beers at the age of 15, she's 19 now and instead of going out getting hammered and being embarrassed the next day she sensibly drinks, still has a great time and gets drunk but not to the extent her friend would -the girl who wasn't allowed alcohol until 18

I don’t think it’s very good to treat alcohol like a reward/privilege that can be used to punish her. The last thing you want is forgertogriw up to be one of those people who ‘rewards’ themselves at the end of the day with a glass of wine.

Nothing wrong with supervised drinking and with meals.. Each to their own I guess

Sorry then to answer your question better: because I think teenagers struggle to self regulate and lots binge drink - this is cultural to much of the UK.

It's a myth that restricting alcohol makes teens rebel. I barely drink, I have never given my dds alcohol and I make it clear I don't want them drinking at parties when they are under 16. None of them drink much at all even the almost 19 year old.

'Because they've lived sheltered lives and are too strict on their young ones. '

That was definitely the case with my parents. The thought of being allowed to have a beer or two in my mid teens under supervision - I may as well have suggested shooting up! They were shocked rigid and really distraught the first time I got pissed as a teenager. I think they expected us not to touch a drop until 18 and then to magically know our limits so we never got drunk ever. My siblings and I were heavy binge drinkers for many years, well past our teens. I think my parents' attitude to alcohol was definitely part of the reason

Meh I drank vodka from the bottle aged 14/15 (without my mum’s knowledge) and I can’t say it did much damage. Not that I’d want my own dc doing that!

At the end of the day it's up to parents. I would never let my children drink at home under the age of 21 and that's my choice. Funnily enough my 21 yo doesn't enjoy alcohol and neither do I. Shit happens.

Ultimately it's our choice. No one else's.

And if a friends' parent decided to overrule me, there would be hell to pay.

Not everyone likes the taste of alcohol. Not needs to get lashed. It's not a given.

I always see threads on here claiming "people think" and "loads of people say" followed by things I've never heard people say

My parents were like you say when I was growing up, little did they know that because they didn't allow me to try wine or beer in the house, I was sat drinking bottles of cider and wkds in a field with my friends, often getting absolutely wasted, from 14.

As with most things, I'd much rather my child be trying something new and potentially dangerous in the house, under my supervision, than outside where they could get hurt, attacked etc.

@namechanged0983 until age 21? That's a bit extreme. Pretty sure your kids will have tried it elsewhere at 16. It's those kind of views that manifest into issues, the same way parents who restrict a teenager from eating some kinds of foods can create an eating disorder.

My parents always had a very relaxed attitude to alcohol. My mums family is french which may have influenced this. I was allowed liqueurs at Christmas from about age 10, and was bought cider to take to parties from about age 15. They would also buy me a JD and coke in the pub from about that age if we were out together.
I think now I have a pretty healthy attitude towards alcohol. I like a drink, and am looking forward to a glass of wine at the end of this pregnancy, but equally have had no problem not drinking while pregnant, or any other time really.
I don’t think I’ll adopt quite as much of a laid back approach with my own children, but I’m not going to demonise alcohol.

When I was aged 15-17 I was definitely not interested in having a glass of wine with dinner, or the odd beer. What I was interested in was binge drinking with friends and all the fun and frolics that ensued. I can totally see why parents would be concerned about their kids drinking alcohol as we’ve been there ourselves.

@Eminybob yeah my parents also had a relaxed attitude alcohol to alcohol. It did me no harm. I'd rather drink at home because my parents always gave me something special. I remember at 15 my mum got me a bottle of champagne for Christmas to share with my best friend who's mum was also lax with drinking. I always was the one in my friendship group who would always prefer one high quality drink over a tone of cheap ones (like a shot of grey goose over a tone of shots of cheap vodka)

@RedPandaMama tried yes. Got lashed? No. We've just been generations where we' just don't drink to excess.

Ok, I was a.l hit extreme to say my daughter was "forbidden" but this general consensus that kids are getting drunk with or without you (therefore might as well be with) is ridiculous.

A bit projecting as I read another thread where a mum was furious her daughter's friends mum had given her daughter alcohol. Just because it's ok for "you" doesn't mean it's "ok" for everyone.

I would have been livid. And not hidden the fact.

*i was

Restrict or not teens will find a way if they choose. I think it's all about education. More and more I detest the UK drink culture. Any excuse have a drink!!! But then I have seen the horrendous side of alcoholism so my view may be extreme. Perhaps teach kids reaching for a bottle isint the answer to having a good time or to solve problems.

I grew up with my mum and dad having a fairly laid back approach to alcohol - it was definitely used as a reward / treat for a special event / hard work etc etc. As an older teen I was allowed to have alcohol with friends - not huge amounts but still... and from 19/20 onwards I became a very heavy drinker. I’m not saying this is the same for everyone but for me alcohol was so normalised it became part of my everyday life to the extreme - “stressed.. oh l deserve a drink....” “weekend! Drink!” “Birthday... drink” “nerves.. drink”! And so on.

When I met dh he was teetotal and came from a family of non drinkers. I decided then and there it was doing me more harm than good so I stopped drinking completely and haven’t had a drink in nearly 10 years. I don’t miss it at all and feel much healthier generally.

My dd is 15 and we do not allow her to have any alcohol- we don’t ever have it ourselves or in the house so that’s an easy rule for us. Once she is 18 she can do what she likes. She is very much a home body anyway and only meets up with friends in our rural town for a costa and a bit of lunch, she never goes out at nighttime, there’s no parties etc. We live a really different life to the one I had growing up in south London where I was out drinking and clubbing every weekend at 14/15/16!

I don’t think teens need alcohol - it’s not good for anyone to excess and by giving it to them so young you’re teaching them it’s a treat / reward which can lead them to turn to it more as they get older.

Agree with @Fairylea

Ultimately kids will do what they want to do. It's not for anyone else but parents to determine what they will and won't allow.

There are stories on both sides of the fence.

I agree OP, making a big thing of it makes it something that they then don't experience without adult supervision and will think it's cool to go out and get pissed. Being allowed a limited amount as a teenager at home takes the mystery out of alcohol. My parents were relaxed about it and when I went out as an older teenager I was always the one who looked after the kitty and made sure everyone got safely home and my eldest is now the same!

@Racecardriver she would get it banned if I felt that she was slacking because of alcohol. I'd do the same if I felt it was happening with her Xbox or something but obviously not as extreme I'd monitor and cut her time on it