Need advice on drug use

[mamanic]

This is the first time that i have actually posted anything on here to ask for help. I was snooping through my sons phone, who is 13, as I was concerned about a change in his behaviour and found videos of him and his friends smoking something using a homemade bong, which I am going to assume is cannabis. I know the snooping was maybe not such a good idea, as that is invading his privacy, but having found this I am wondering whether I should talk to him about what I have found.

I have spoken to FRANK and have been told that I should not confront him because he would see it as an invasion on his privacy and would potentially do away with any trust. I should however open up a dialogue with him where he has the option of being open and honest with me. I have tried discussing drug use, the side effects, the importance of being honest, but he feels that I think that he is smoking cannabis, which he denies. He becomes very defensive and is hurt that I would even think that he would do something like that.

His mood has been low as his dad and I have just separated which has hit him quite hard. He seems to use his emotions around that to make me feel sorry for him in every way. I am working with communication which I think with time would work. However, my dilemma is, I am quite close to the parents of his friends in the videos, so my first instinct is to let them know. Part of me wants to as they would probably want to know. Part of me thinks that if I do, and it leads back to my son, he will see that as a trust problem.

I am at my wits end and don't really know how to approach this. I would be grateful for any advice.

Hi,
Cannabis isn't the most dangerous drug around, but can have negative impacts on young brains.
Give your son the facts, and hope he chooses not to use .
You sound like a good parent, am sure he will come to no serious harm.

I think I’d tend not to tell them. It’s not ideal as if it was my DS I’d want to know but you would breach his trust if you told them.

Keep talking to him OP. Like caringdad says, give him the facts tooand hopegully he will come around.

Have you spoken to Pastoral Care at his school about him struggling with your break up and potential drug use?

I've had this exact sort of thing with my dd14.

Don't tell his friends parents. I strongly believe that the relationship you have with your own child, and his ability to be able to trust you, is so much more important.

If they are suspicious of their dc, they need to 'snoop' on them and accordingly.

With my dd I tried to find ways of finding out in a legitimate way. It's v v v tricky but when I did, I could then discuss it with her.