Stepson 15 is doing drugs and bunking off school - any advice

[Gammydodger]

Long story, my stepson has lived with my partner and I for the past 5 years. His behaviour over the past year wasn’t great and his relationship with us was becoming worse. He just ended up not speaking to us. He then made the decision to move back to his mums 6 months ago. Since this move his behaviour has started to deteriorate rapidly and he began smoking weed, the whole family including grandparents has taken time to try and talk to him about this, it made no difference. Then we tried the removal of all privileges (phone, Xbox, pocket money etc) this has made no difference and he is actually getting worse, he has bunked off school pretty much every day since going back after summer break. We have made several visits to the school and we are not making any progress. His mum was staying at her boyfriends house last weekend and he was supposed to be staying over at a friends house (one who is a good kid and doesn’t do drugs) his brother (17) was home and was woken up at 2am by him and 15 mates showing up at the house (his mums house) they were smoking, drinking, smoking weed and taking ecstasy and cocaine! They have trashed the house and started trying to fight with his older brother. The older brother called their mum who came back home and kicked them all out but we just don’t know what to do or how to get through to him - he is going to ruin his life and we are at our whits end any help or advice would be really greatfully received

This is really difficult. My son is 13 and is regularly skipping school and smoking weed.

Rather than go in all guns blazing calmly talk to him and ask him how he's feeling and what is going on in his head - although he may not be very open.

Is there something he can focus on like trying a new hobby or joining a class?

Let him know he is loved and supported, he is probably acting like this to fit in - he is likely being peer pressured.

Choose your battles and focus on one thing at a time. I've just had a conversation with my son - our goal this week is trying to get him to do a whole week in school. If he can I will buy him a treat on the weekend. I've agreed to not mention him smoking for at least this week whilst he tries his best to attend school.

Good luck

The best bit of advice I got when my eldest was being hard work was to keep close to him. Keep the lines of communication open and try to empathise when you can. The advice by pp, to choose your battles is good advice too.

He sounds like he needs some intervention, or he is going to end up in trouble with the police. He is not being discreet, so is not hiding his behaviour. Almost as if he is seeing how far he can go before someone stops it.

Damage limitation is the name of the game here.
Give him the facts about drugs,and hope he chooses to stop.
From bitter experience, I know that trying to get a teen boy to do everything you want is impossible.
Give him love, support and learn to pick your battles.
A bit of weed is nothing compared with skipping school.