Should I say something about unfair presents?

[lindtteddymurderer]

First time poster, I'm with a great man for the last 8 years. I had 2 dc before we met then we had another dc together. Everything is great. Just one thing bothers me. His family spend 3 times more on our child at Christmas birthdays etc then on my older two dc. My older two children notice this and it does upset them.
Should my partner say anything to them? I feel it's up to him as it's his family. What would you do? Older dc are 11 and 15 youngest is 5.

Need a bit more info - surely your older 2 get presents from thier father/fathers family? Maybe your partners family feel that the younger one misses out on thoses presents ?
Older kids things don’t ‘look’ as much as younger kids things so a big toy can be bought for £20 and come in a massive box but a £20 book or video game for a teenager will look a lot less for the same value.
Can you give examples from last year?

I tend to agree with Brie surely your dc's father/family/other grandparents also gift to them so it will even things up? Your dc, especially the 15 year old should be able to understand this?

If your dc's family are estranged and do not give presents, then you need to work out how you fill that gap. While it would be nice if they did it can get very expensive, do you really think it is fair the responsibility should fall on your in-laws to resolve the monetary difference in your dcs presents left by their paternal family?

They aren’t the older two’s grandparents though. They are the five year old’s GP. Appreciate it’s a shitty situation but you need to plug the gap for your older DCs, not leave it to anyone else.

Don't your older 2 get presents from their Dads family?

Generally speaking though, don't teenagers get less presents than 5 year olds anyway given that they've moved on to tech and more grown up/expensive items and the little one is still at the plastic toy stage?

As well you can't expect your PILS to have the same bond/desire to treat children they didn't know from birth as they do with their DGC

My older two don't get presents from fathers family. It's a difficult situation.
DP parents don't give any presents to any of the kids as they can't afford it.
Presents come from partners brother and wife. It's their godchild also so maybe I'm over reacting.

Presents from last year were
15 year old got slippers
11 year old got a jelly making kit
4 year old got an electronic blackboard thing at least €60 worth. My family spend the same on all the dc.

My family spend the same on all the dc

Because all three are your family’s grandkids.
Your two eldest aren’t grandkids to his parents, they’re their son’s girlfriend’s children.

Sorry, saw your weren’t talking about grandparents but youngest’s aunt and uncle.

I think as it's their godchild as well as their niece, they might seriously take offence and your youngest could lose out.

FWIW I don't discriminate between my godchild and their sibling in gift value but their parents are my oldest friends and I adore the other child.

I think this is a slightly different dynamic and a gentle explanation that doesn't hurt your DCs feelings might be the way to go.

I think it's usual that a family will spend more on their "blood" relatives.
My step mother gives dd £20 at Christmas but her daughter's children will get a new laptop.
It isn't done out of unkindness, it's done because my daughter isn't seen as "close" a relative. I'm sure growing up my half sister got more from her mum than I did as well.
Tbh, I do the same now. I get my half sis's kids a token present.
You can't say anything about it IMO.
Also agree that teens tend to start getting dropped off the present list anyway.

My older two don't get presents from fathers family. It's a difficult situation.

Situations like this are, but it is not fair to expect your dp's brother/SIL to resolve for you. You can resolve by spending more on your older dc now. The most you can ask them to do is to stop spending money on their godchild/niece presents which seems a shame if they enjoy it. Your dc are old with to understand the difference in their relationships.

The extra could very well be the godparent "bonus". So they add up the money they'd spend on a child plus a godchild and manage it as one bigger present.
If your older children question it just present it as that.

I don't think you should say anything as technically your two older DC are not related to your DPs sister and brother. Your DC you have together obviously is but your older ones just happen to be their brothers girlfriends children and not related. Your family obviously treat them all the same and really their DFs family (your ex) should give them something but if they don't that is not your DPs familys problem. You and your DP could even it up a bit if your youngest is only 4. It is easier to get cheaper things for younger kids and he or she wont notice if their older siblings get more.

I agree with what BrokenWing said. It is a difficult situation, but the bottom line is that your youngest DC is your BIL's nephew/niece whereas your older DC are not. If you or your partner say anything, it feels like the sort of thing that could end up causing a lot of resentment, and (depending on what kind of people your BIL and his wife are) you might then find that they start spending even more on your youngest DC and not buying any presents at all for the older two.

my sisters spend more on each others kids, about £20-30 each child ( they have 7 between them as of tomorrow) my DSS is lucky to get 10-15 tops and ive raised him last 8 years since he was 3 and i can't have kids of my own, when i ask what the children want for xmas or birthday they always give me a list of things up to around 30 quid, my DC gets a voucher or gift card for half the price they spend on each others, it really grates on me, its not like they've known him 5 mins he doesn't remember not knowing them, they never say they have 2 nephews just one (one of theirs) , they are all he has ever known as aunties its not nice, (my mum isn't much better either to be honest ) when ive pulled them on it "they do accept him as my child" however to me their actions show otherwise and nothing changes

Yabu. The aunt and uncle are not related to your older children. Not even by marriage! Getting the older children a token gift is more rhan they need to do. If your older children mention it again you explain why.

Is it that they still spend the same on your older too and since you’ve had your third they spend quite a bit more on them?

If the teens are noticing I’d explain they’re godparents to the youngest and that’s why the gifts are bigger. Do your older two have godparents?

I have SDC and am lucky my family are all very close to them and consider them family and are very generous. I don’t have my own yet, one on the way, and I don’t know if or how they might feel differently towards him/her. Because of the age gap it wouldn’t be obvious and my DSC get gifts from two sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and godparents already. I can see how you feel uncomfortable with how things are but all you could go is ask them to spend less on their godchild and that would be churlish. You can’t ask them to spend more on your older two.

As PPs have pointed out already, the gifts you give 11 and 15 year olds are very different to 5 year olds so that’s another consideration.

Just to add that although the retail price for something may be £50 It could in fact have cost them £10 so looks more than it is. I bought a game for my son for his birthday that details at £19.99 In Argos. I bought it for £6 In Home Bargains as one of their specials.

Oh @ArnoldBee has made a brilliant point. I once paid £15 for a gift on Amazon for a friends toddler.

I nearly collapsed when I saw the same toy being sold in the Argos catalogue for almost £90 so much so I repeatedly reassured my friend I had not paid full price as it looked an extravagance!