DD has never asked about absent parent

[PermanentlyTiredPigeon]

DD just turned 13. Dad threw us out when she was 8 months, no contact for 3 months. Saw her 3 times total until she was 13 months. Not heard from him since. We were together 5 years by the time he threw us out- totally unexpected, just started being a bit distant for a wk or so then literally chucked us out on the street. Said he didn’t want to be a dad and “life was better before”. T**thead.

DD has never ever asked about him.
I’ve basically felt that I should respect her and follow her lead on this and haven’t brought the issue up.
But she’s 13 and always expected questions by now. We’ve always been so close, so I put it down to her being happy and stable, so not needing to have any questions answered.

Lately her attitude and moods have been pretty vile towards me at times, then she’s back to being lovely again. I know it’s hormones, I let things go with gentle warnings that she needs to speak to me respectfully etc until she crosses a line and then we argue.

Is this just hormones, or is this resentment towards me caused by underlying issues around her dad???

I don't know, OP. I'd ask her and make it clear that you're happy to talk if she wants to.

I have a friend who has never met her dad. She has never spoken to her mum about it because she didn't want to upset her mum. She has other family members who have told her who he is and offered to take her to meet him but she has always refused. She knows she has brothers and sisters and sees them around her home town regularly but has still never shown an interest in meeting them I think she is still affraid of upsetting her mum even at this age. Perhaps that's why she never mentions it?

This is me. Except I'm not 13.

Honestly, I'm just not interested, he wasn't so why should I be? I never have been, always been told I can't make contact etc.

I have my half brother and sister message me on social media trying to meet etc and I have to kindly tell them I'm still not interested. I've actually blocked my little half sister now.

Thanks for replying......
So you never asked your mum? Don’t know anything about him or his life?
Did you know about the half siblings before they contacted you??

I knew odd things that my mum had told me, like I know he lives about an hour away (same place as DP aunt) I knew of the half sister. Not the half brother. My mum finds it weird that I never talk about it. When I was about 19 she asked if I needed counselling 🙈 my friends find it weird too. But I'm just so not bothered, life's been a ok without him so I'm not fussed x

Fashionista101

Same with my DD. No interest at all and resents me a bit for trying to coax her into having some kind of relationship with him when she was younger.

She said he doesn't figure in her life, she doesn't miss having him around, he can't provide her with anything she can't work for herself. His W wrote a couple of times with an underlying request that they could all be a family together and while DD has nothing against her, she just didn't reply.

Don't think it's anything to worry about OP. Your DD is just going through her teenage years so it's grin and bear it for a few years :)

Guess it probably is hard for others to understand but I really just don't think about it 🤷🏻‍♀️