Boyfriend sleeping over

[mumtoateenger75]

Ok guys
Daughter has b.f
Asked if he a sleep over in same bed x she is 16

How long has she been going out with him? What do his parents think?

I would be fine with that, rather have them in my house with me than anywhere else.

Might be worth having a chat with bf’s parents first. IMO if they’re going to do it they’ll find a way. Better safe in their homes than somewhere dodgy but only if they understand the precautions they need to take and only if they genuinely care for each other. Many chats to be had first !

She is on the pill a
Ready for period reasons and I know they are sexually active as she told me and I got condoms which I know she uses x

App his parents are fine with it or so I'm told x

I know everyone says about if thy are going to do it least they do it in the safety of their own home but it's makes me feel uneasy knowing they potentially are doing it here

I was allowed boys to stay in my room from 16. Separate rooms until then. Didn't lose my virginity until 18 so don't think it accelerated anything.

Definitely better in your house than somewhere else. But i do remember reading on here ages ago about a mother who found out her daughter was lumbered with a boyfriend in her bed and didn't know how to finish wuth him because he was so welcome in her home iyswim?

I didn't allow it. I think it pushes them into too serious a relationship.

I said when they were 18 and had gone away to university and were home for weekends or holidays, they could bring someone home to stay then.

They’re already sexually active, she’s 16, it’s a steady boyfriend, I’d let them.

But I don't want to accidentally hear them x does that make sense

Also my 11 year old daughter is sleeping next door I would hate for her to be disturbed

Why do they need to sleep in the same bed other than for sex? If it's for convenience after a night out or he's spent the evening at yours could he not sleep elsewhere? Otherwise surely the only reason they need to sleep together is to do it. I don't think I'd be comfortable with that myself.

I think it's easier to just have a blanket rule - once you've left home, you can bring a boyfriend back, but when you're still in school, you can't. It's just ridiculous being 16 and expecting to sleep with your boyfriend at home.

I’m new here but I’ve had to deal with this situation. With my daughter 14 we compromised and her bf can’t sleep over until she’s 15 however I do allow them to be here together while I’m at work. She’s on bc and is an overall great kid and I’m well aware they are active already.

I know I am going against the grain but no way would DH and I allow our teens to have significant others sleeping over. Also my dds are 18 and 15 and not sexually active and neither are most of their friends. Kids just don't get that serious so young where we are. You may think I am naive but I am really not, I get on great with my girls and they don't even stay out that late when socializing. I grew up in London but it's much tamer where we live now.

I am also of the opinion that it can be pushing a serious relationship when they are very young. I remember a friend in London whose parents always used to leave a bowl of condoms out. We used to feel sorry for her because it felt like she was being pressured to have sex, her boyfriends expected it because her parents expected it.

Wow Julie you are good
I just struggle with the whole thought of it x any little noise I think oh my god turn the tv up I don't want to hear
Freaks me out a bit

Ida You are very lucky at 18 and still not out socialising etc
I find they grow up through their social scene
My daughter is literally one of the last in her friends to have a boyfriend and staying over

She is out socializing but we are in the US so they don't go clubbing here until they can legally drink, 21.

They are both happy and have plenty of friends they just are not into these very intense sexual relationships. I know only one of her friends who had a serious relationship for a couple of years.

She is driving with her own car and busy applying to college. She has plenty of independence.

I think she's way too young.

Like other have said, he's staying over to get laid. Quite frankly, who cares if they do it elsewhere? Better that than you hearing them.

Or you could just say, do not have sex whilst I am here and if I hear you he won't be staying over again. She should be suitably mortified at the prospect of being heard.

It's ok to say no. My kids can't boyfriends or girlfriends in their bedrooms, definitely no sleep overs. Though they can be home alone for a while, but it's my house and I don't want to have to hear that.

think partners sleeping over so young can make them too easily ‘part of the family’ which in turn can make ending a relationship more difficult.

My first proper boyfriend (together from 16-22) was so part of the family that he called my family by the names I did (apart from my Mum and Dad but even my Mum he called ‘Mum 2’). When contemplating ending the relationship, I was worried about severing his ties with my family and it definitely made it harder.

Also, once he had stayed over once, he knew he was allowed to so I think that put extra pressure on. It’s hard to stop something that has already been allowed.

I had my first boyfriend at 14, together for 4 years. Allowed to sleepover/be alone together in the house when we were 16 and it was legal for us to do what my parents knew we were already doing.

Yes I’d let them, they’re very unlikely to do it with your family in the house

I wouldn't. My children aren't teens yet, but I have lots of experience of working with teenagers and I don't think there's any need for them to sleep in the same bed at that age. When I was 16 I was having sex and had been with my boyfriend for over a year, we had sleepovers every week at eachother's houses, but separate bedrooms. After we broke up, my next boyfriend's parents (I was 17) let us sleep in the same bed and I didn't like it at all. I felt seriously uncomfortable with the expectation from him that we were going to have sex every time I stayed over in his house with his parents there, I hated the thought that his whole family knew (or thought they knew) when we were having sex, it all just felt so public and icky. I honestly preferred having sex in his car than in his house when his parents were there.
Of course with my first boyfriend we had sex in my house and his house, but our parents did the decent thing and gave us the sex talk and then turned a blind eye!