DD and family help!

[Alwaysforgettingmum]

Hi this is hard to write because I’ve tried to stay strong for DD! Something happened to my elder DD on the way to school which has devestated us as a family and it was a year ago today. She self harms and has attempted to end her life. My DD is receiving cahms support but as a family we have recieved no support my younger DD struggles emotionally and cries as she believes her sister will die at any moment. I cry in secret because I cannot contain the guilt I feel broken, alone and like life is very hard. I have asked for support for my younger DD to help but feel I don’t deserve help until my elder DD is better. I need to talk to someone but I don’t know who and I am inwardly under a massive black cloud. I can not be strong anymore and I just needed to tell someone.i hope life gets better. Thankyou for listening.

Can you call the Samaritans for a chat about how you're feeling OP?

I have tried emailing them a few times in the last year always seemed to get a very generic response. I just really don’t know how to get myself better until she is. I don’t really know what I want or need I just want to have been a better mum and it may not have happened to her.x

I don't know what happened but I am sure that nothing you could have done differently would have changed that. You clearly care deeply about being a good mum. I'm sorry that you are struggling, and your DDs too. Do you have much support?

Can you try to see your GP to access some help? Sending you a hand hold x

I have my DH but he is as broken as me- he won’t admit it but he blames himself too. We as a family have been offered no support. I have had to fight to get my daughter support all the way. It took for her to hit her lowest and plan her death for cahms to get her the support she needs. I know funding everywhere has been cut and I have tried getting support for younger DD and just been hitting my head against a brick wall. The thing is the system dojust doesn’t support families. I have support but talking to people is hard. I feel like I’m giving them my troubles and we have tried to not be too public about what happened so it makes it hard. My dearest friends have made it clear they are bored of the problem. I needed someone to talk to. Thankyou.

Is there not a charity working in this area where you can connect with others similar? Is private counselling an option? If it's crime related there's funds for victims of crime.

Your dearest friends need a head wobble for not being there for you. You don't get over a traumatic experience in your family that easily or quickly, 1 year is nothing.

My dn was impacted when she was 14. I listened to her and her mum (my SIL) separately (so hearing everything twice over!) for years before they got to the stage where they could try to stop letting it, and him, define their lives. i would and will never stop them offloading when they need too.

Do you have other friends which might not seem as close now, but can trust? some people are just better listeners than others and understand the need to talk to work through your changing feelings and emotions? Talking to friends who will give you some of their time and just listen when you need them really does help.

So sorry to hear this, OP

I know it's different times now and services are strapped for cash, but when we were in a similar situation a few years ago, CAHMS stepped up with family therapy. Our youngest, who had been the one to find dd after a suicide attempt, refused to attend, but he did manage to find help another way. He was having flashbacks about the situation and spoke to one of his mates about it. His mate suggested he should speak to his sister. It was a big gamble, but he must have managed to do it the right way, because she promised him she wouldn't kill herself. I trust that promise far more than I would trust any promise made to me. Could of course have gone disastrously wrong, but the basic idea of getting help from a trusted friend might not be a bad one. What ds said afterwards was that he felt his dad and I already had too much on our plate. I told him that was fine, that all that mattered was that he got help from whoever was best placed to help him and in this instance it was his friend.