Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

15 yr old son, threatening suicide.

16 replies

caringdad66 · 10/10/2018 15:08

Always turn to MN for advice, here goes this time.
In the last month, my 15 yr old son has lost his maternal grandfather, and now lost his girlfriend.

He confessed to cheating on her, and she understandably, ended their relationship.

He said he genuinely loved her, and deeply regrets his mistake.

He is currently refusing to go to school, because he face seeing his ex, and he can't see the point in education.

He is in year 11, GCSE 's in 7 months!

I have been very conscious of the need to show compassion and love, but feel his school refusal warranted a
consequence.

I confiscated his phone and X box, until he agreed to school.

My actions, coupled with

OP posts:

Original poster

caringdad66 · 10/10/2018 15:11

Cont.... This phone removal tipped him over the edge,band he said unless his girlfriend took him back, and I gave him back his phone, he would kill himself 😥😥

Do I take him seriously,band give him his phone and X box back?
Do I take a risk,and gamble that he's bluffing?

Love him dearly it's heartbreaking seeing him like this.
(And both him and I do realize that by cheating on his girlfriend , he brought most of his pain on himself)

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 10/10/2018 15:17

Don’t give in with the gadgets. Take him to the doctor instead if he is depressed.

PussinWellies · 10/10/2018 15:22

Don't gamble. GP appointment urgently. If he's bluffing, that calls his bluff, and if he isn't, he really needs to see someone.

If you are sure he's bluffing, though, he needs a lecture on why it's wrong to treat someone like shit and then try to use emotional blackmail to coerce them into returning. Why would he want to be with someone he'd had to force to be there?

Evidencebased · 10/10/2018 15:30

Is he generally impulsive?
If so, I’d worry more about a suicide threat.
But suicide should always be taken seriously. Dr. Remove dangerous things.

Heavy screen users do find not having one v hard- and if he’s depressed, may find it hard to distract himself.

Original poster

caringdad66 · 10/10/2018 15:32

Great reply- thank you

OP posts:

PartAnd · 10/10/2018 15:40

I'd take it very seriously but I also
wouldn't give him back his gadgets. Id make an urgent appointment at the GPS. It's impossible to know what he is thinking and feeling. He probably doesn't know himself.

Good luck OP - it's a very difficult situation.

pumpastrotter · 10/10/2018 15:44

Sorry to be harsh, he may only be 15 but I think you need to really explain that threatening suicide so someone will be in a relationship with you/he can get his own way is emotional abuse regardless of depression. You don't want your son or his ex growing up to think that is ok.

Call his bluff, take him to the doctors and don't give him anything back, this will just enable the manipulation - but hide anything he can harm himself with (anything sharp - not just knives, anything that burns, pills, make him keep his door open)

CarolDanvers · 10/10/2018 15:44

I absolutely would give him back his phone at least. I don't think confiscating the device that allows a depressed, possibly suicidal teen to communicate with his friends and support network is a good idea at all. Also get him to the GP and I would get Educational Welfare involved too. I remember being 15 and feeling so sad and lost. My parents were impatient and seemed to dislike me and just piled more and more punishments on to deal with my supposed "attitude". He's going through a huge period of upheaval and needs your help not punishments that make him feel more hopeless and desperate.

Starlight345 · 10/10/2018 15:45

I don’t think you can ignore but also wouldn’t give fidgets back .
Trip to gp and maybe return to school and you get phone back

avocadoincident · 10/10/2018 15:45

Poor you and poor him, you must be petrified. Take him to the gp, make an appointment with the school and give him lots and lots of love. A broken heart is horrific at any age especially when you are young and can't see that time will heal things

Madmog · 10/10/2018 16:38

I would add a condition in, you'll give him gadgets back when he's seen a doctor. Also, I'd alert the school, there might not be anything in his comments, but they can keep an eye on anything out of the ordinary. Don't forget there's support out there for you as a parent as well.

He's obviously got a lot of emotions he's trying to deal with, on top of which he's dealing with growing up and upcoming GCSEs. Above all else, I'd make it clear to him that I understood all this and at any time (even if you've had a fall out at home), you're there for him. Perhaps, give him the numbers for something like Teens in Crisis.

beeefcake · 10/10/2018 16:42

My teenage boyfriend threatened me with suicide on multiple occasions when I broke up with him. He's still here.

You need to explain the consequences of such a threat, if he's making them explicitly to her then he needs to know how unkind that is. If you are worried take him to the doctors.

frippit · 10/10/2018 16:59

I would always take suicide threats seriously. Young men especially are at risk, according to an article i read (i think) on the BBC website.
Your son is obviously very upset. You cannot take any chances even if you really do think it's just a way to get his stuff/girlfriend back.

beeefcake · 10/10/2018 18:02

Sorry my post may have made it look like I'm minimising suicidal thoughts which I'm really not.

Your best option either way is to take it seriously.

frippit · 10/10/2018 20:42

Sorry beeefcake I wasn't having a go at you. I have a son early twenties now and looking back he bottled things up. I probably thought he was OK when he wasn't really.
He's fine now with a job he loves, good friends and a lovely girlfriend. But in his late teens he was probably struggling but I didn't realise.
Then I read a news article about a 17 year old boy who committed suicide after he was arrested for drink driving. After that I told my son that no matter what he did or how stupid he thought he'd been we would always be there for him. He must ask us and we would not punish/criticise etc. We would be calm and talk it through to help make good decisions. Even if it was through gritted teeth!
Young men need adults/parents who they feel they can come to for help when things go seriously pear shaped. Even when they think they've really blown it.

corythatwas · 10/10/2018 22:55

Agree with everybody else: give him back his phone, take him to the doctor but absolutely impress on him how he must never use the threat of suicide to emotionally manipulate someone to be in a relationship with him. His former girlfriend is not a lifejacket you can throw at him to keep him safe, nor must she think of herself in that way. And yes, I do know how utterly horrible it is to deal with a suicidal child. ] to you, OP.

Flip