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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenagers and parties - what do you do?

22 replies

CornflakeMum · 05/10/2018 12:00

DS (16) now seems to be in with a crowd where there are parties every other weekend or so. Usually house parties (parents sometimes there, upstairs, but who knows?) and sometimes halls/ rugby club etc.

Often they don't finish until 12/12.30/1 am and DH and I do not want to be driving around the county every Friday/Saturday night!
We keep asking him to buddy up with other to share lifts etc, but it's all very vague and 'nobody seems to know yet' what they're doing.
I don't know if this is the truth or whether they don't want to share a lift with DS - he is sort of on the edge of the friendship group.
There seem to be some parents who don't care how and when their teens come home, but DS is a young 16, has a mild SPLD, and tends to get anxious about things. I'm not happy to let him go without a definite plan for getting home - especially as they will have been drinking.

What do you do? What's reasonable? Does your 16-year-old get cabs on their own? Call Ubers etc?

DS has just announced there's a party tonight 10 miles away, but DH and I are both out/busy!

OP posts:

Original poster

CornflakeMum · 05/10/2018 15:14

Anyone?

OP posts:

clary · 05/10/2018 15:18

I pick them up. Tbh it's only Dd, ds1 (19) socialises differently and ds1 isn't at that stage yet.

DD doesn't go to that many parties tho - prob about one or two a month max - and they are always local as they are school friends.

clary · 05/10/2018 15:18

She's 17 BTW

treetrunkthighs · 05/10/2018 15:20

Dd is the same age and living a similarly busy life!

Lots of her friends get taxis - some called by parents and some order their own.

So far I have picked her up though

VauxhallVectra · 05/10/2018 15:24

When DD was 15/16, I'd pick her up even if it was early in the morning. It seemed like most parents did this too because I only picked her up a few times, the rest of the time she'd get a lift with people (always arranged at the last minute!).

Now she's a bit older, I've distanced myself a bit as I actually think it's part of growing up and learning responsibility to get herself home.

I have, though, told her that if she's contemplating walking because there are no other options then she needs to call us and I'll pick her up.

Uber has actually been brilliant for this exact issue - she can get herself home but she's not paying extortionate taxi fees and she can generally get a lift pretty quickly.

VauxhallVectra · 05/10/2018 15:25

DD's 17 by the way, nearly turning 18.

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 05/10/2018 15:28

I pick up.

I have a rule of no sleepovers after parties so I have to suck it up. Sometimes lifts back are organised. On the whole I want them home so I go and get them. They can have friends back, I don’t care about that if i’ve got enough washing up bowls to go round 🙄🤢

SofiaAmes · 05/10/2018 15:32

Uber absolutely. Dd 16 is not allowed to go in a car with a teenager driving. I prefer (and so does she) that there are several of them in the Uber. Here in Los Angeles you can do a multi-stop Uber. And also do multi-payments so dd and her friends always like to share an Uber home. Dd has recently got her driver license, but it's still Uber for late night.
And actually, most of the adults I know use Uber to and from parties these days. Drunk driving rates have plummeted.

woodlands01 · 05/10/2018 18:08

I have had this experience with DD, now older so not so much of an issue and now DS who is in Y11.

If they are out at a party and want picking up then I will pick up. If they want to stay over I let them - I know my DC would be sensible while staying over at others houses. I say that having had a party that went very wrong!

Whatever the situation I do not drink when they are out as I want to be able to drive if anything goes wrong. To be fair this has only happened once when DD called after drinking on an empty stomach!!! However, I just need to do this. We (I) compromise loads - probably because we live very rurally and I am aware my children could be 'cut-off' from their friends. Don't mind really it's just what I do. With DD I was more secure as the girls look after each other but DS I am often very worried and tense, boys more likely to leave a mate drunk or stoned in the park in my experience. DS often texts very early next day to be picked up so not only do I not drink, have a sleepless night - then drinving to pick him up at 7/8 o'clock in the morning.

woodlands01 · 05/10/2018 18:11

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain just read the comment about washing up bowls!

AtiaoftheJulii · 05/10/2018 18:20

I'm picking ds and his girlfriend up tonight, but I don't like to make a habit of it. But it's out in the countryside somewhere, no public transport (they've just gone out to get the last bus there! And even that's a 20,25 minute walk from the bus stop). Said I will come at midnight, if they want to come back later they can pay for a cab. But cabs are so expensive that they're ok with leaving promptly.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/10/2018 18:26

We picked up as I thought it was not their choice to love remotely. It is only a fairly short stage of life thankfully.

BackforGood · 05/10/2018 18:34

I've tended to pick them up. It only goes on for a short time.
That said, none of mine were out every weekend at these parties - doesn't sound like he is 'on the edge of social group' at all! . That is a lot of parties.

hellypad · 05/10/2018 19:53

We lived in the country so my mum and dad had to do this and they always did, they also brought all my friends home too! To be fair though it meant they always knew where I was and that I was getting home safely, the lies some of my friends told their parents was shocking. I'll do the same for my girls.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/10/2018 08:01

Me or DH (mostly me!) picked up at that age. By 17 I was happy for DDs to get Uber's.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/10/2018 08:02

When they first started drinking at parties I wanted them home after, not sleeping over. I wanted to see what sort of state they were in and they usually drank less if they knew they were coming home.

Blackoutblinds · 06/10/2018 08:04

I pick up. It doesn’t last for ever and I’d rather I knew where they were and who they were with and I know I will definitely go and get them.

Blackoutblinds · 06/10/2018 08:05

I also bring others home and have plenty of washing up bowls/bins/plastic buckets.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/10/2018 10:59

We also had friends coming back who'd had one too many and were scared to go home as they'd get a bollocking. I've never understood this, I'd much rather mine were able to ring me and know I'd be there if needed whatever they'd drunk/taken.

SoundofSilence · 06/10/2018 11:04

I pick up for my own peace of mind. DS has just turned 16. Depending on the location and the time of year we sometimes compromise and he cycles there and I pick him up with the bike carrier.

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 06/10/2018 11:30

I agree BigSandyBalls - we have a ‘no repercussions rule.

That only applies to my DCs. I will tell other parents if I’ve seen their child particularly fucked up though or had to look after them vomiting etc. That’s up to them to deal with as they think fit.

I try to instill in mine that they are responsible for their friends as well as themselves. Safety is my priority.

QuantumGroan · 06/10/2018 12:37

They share an uber if no one's parents are happy to do the lifts.

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