DH vs DD

[onepickleonefurryoneannoyance]

Please can someone offer me either advice or reassurance that this is completely normal?

My DH and I have been together for 26 years, married for most of them. Our DD will be 13 at the end of this year. DD is our only child.

Our problem is that we don't seem to be able to spend any time together as the three of us without there being some sort of disagreement or dispute. My DD has just gone through puberty so is, understandably, full of hormones and PMT etc etc. My DH does not seem to have a filter on what he says and comes out with little statements, criticisms or observations that immediately make me cringe and offend an easily offended DD.

When all hell inevitably breaks loose, almost always over dinner, I must admit to invariably sympathising with DD. This puts DH's back up as he says I always take her side. But I swear he opens his mouth simply to piss someone off. He will say 20 words when really, only 2 are needed. It just means that the surplus 18 words are the ones that cause offence.

DH has the habit of trying to make small talk with people when it isn't really necessary. He struggles with remembering things, so his small talk often ends in embarrassment when he gets facts wrong. His "small talk" errors have caused a few problems in the past. He also struggles with hearing, so seems rude when he is constantly saying "what????

DH and DD have always been close and love each other dearly. This is breaking my heart. I have tried to explain to him that DD is going through a massive change and is not in control of her emotions as she has not yet got the maturity. DH is the adult and he ends up sulking and storming off and his strops are worse than a child's. I try and remind him that he is the grown-up here.

I am seriously suggesting that DH moves out for the next 5 years and comes back when DD is 18 as I simply cannot cope with being the peacemaker in their spats for the foreseeable future

Is this normal? What can I do?

If someone was saying ‘you look like a lion’ looking at a photograph, I, as an adult, wouldn't take it well tbh. Not in a context where there are daily disagreements and constant tension/putdowns/criticisms.

I also agree about the hearing.
Either it’s within normal range and he should be able to hear and remember what people are telling him.
Or it’s not and he needs hearing aids.
If it’s on the low side but still ok from test but he says he can’t hear well, then I wiodntake that as a sign he needs hearing aids and wouod expect him to wear some.

My Dad does that, he just comes out with the most flippant yet bloody hurtful comments and over the years it has actually caused a lot of heartache and hurt.

I finally flipped it with him a few weeks ago, really gave him both barrels because I’m fucking sick of it. I’m 36 years old and I was reduced to being a red eyed, snotty nosed child because that’s how his nasty little comments make me feel.

He’s stopped now, but only because I told him that unless he packed it in I’d be stopping any contact for my own sanity.

Your husband can understand, he’s actively choosing not to.

Presumably his colleagues and friends don’t have to tolerate his nasty little comments? So why does he inflict them on his daughter?

There's some good, sound advice here. Just one thing cropped up in my mind when OP said he tries to make small talk that doesn't always work.
Could he be mildly on the autstic spectrum, where small indiscretions were not noted by your DD when she was smaller but she is now much more aware of the inapproprateness of the comment.
'You look like a lion,', could be his way of trying to be funny, light hearted or even complimentary. But it's clearly not an appropriate response in relation to a photo of a teen going through all her changes.
Just a thought.
Best of luck.