Horrible Teenage Behaviour...grrr

[AmICrazyorWhat2]

Apologies as this is really just a rant...

DD(13) has been a huge pain about her social life lately. She expects lifts at the drop of a hat, announces her evening plans that same day (e.g. I want to go to a football game with my friends, can you drive me there in 30 minutes; no, the plans we made have changed, take me here instead., etc.), and creates a massive fuss if we don't comply.

Yesterday, she had a full-scale toddler tantrum (sitting on the floor, screaming and kicking) because I refused to go along with a last-minute change to her plans that would have been v. rude and thoughtless to one of her classmates (ditching their party for a "better offer"). She hasn't had a fit like that since she was 3 and I believe she thought that she could wear me down!

I held strong and stepped over her, saying I needed to run some errands with DS and we'd be back later....of course, the original party was fine and she's already forgotten why she was so upset.

I'm just so sick of the selfishness and expectations. She also wants new clothes and make up all the time, but doesn't want to do her chores to earn them...no one likes to do chores, but we all have to!

I was also a brat from 13-15 so it's not unexpected really, but I so wish she'd mature and start being a pleasant member of the family again!

OK, rant over. Thanks for listening.

It does get better.

Pour yourself a large wine OP

Offering no advice other than that I'm afraid! My daughter is 8 & I'm painfully aware this is allllll to come 😩

Hope you had a massive OP. This makes me glad that my DS is quite antisocial at times. I fear though that I have all of this to come with DD...

We are so getting this with DD 12.

First was just the constant demands for brand name clothes and any chores made her a slave who would have a massive go always at me.

Now we have added in the constant demands to be out to all hours every night and every weekend and if we don't agree we hate her and want her dead . She has just had a massive go at me - DH drove her at 8.30am to an all day party an hour away, drove her back at 8pm for an hour, she went straight onto a sleepover on condition she arrived back at 10am. Still not back, not answering phone. Threatened to send DH in his PJs just got loads of abuse. He's now off to get her back but I told him we need a punishment for this, he's really soft and says yes to everything but has agreed to grounding her for a week and no phone for afternoon. So going to have rants at me all week but we have to do something. This is fun. 😭 Seems to be going off the rails. She's very bright but not doing homework, argh.

@Penguinsetpandas

I agree, you have to have consequences for this sort of behaviour even though you know they'll be horrible to live with while you impose it.

I'm the softer one in our family so DH has to be the meanie sometimes - he puts passwords on all the electronics and doesn't tell me what they are so no one can bully me into telling them. It works! Also, we're switching off the WiFi at night (a tip from another MN poster!) so she can't be messaging late at night.

It's just so exhausting, isn't it? I thought it would get easier as they got older, but these hormones have derailed everything. Hang in there, we'll get through it.

Thanks, its strange she was so easy for years now is starting to be a complete nightmare though periods of loveliness.

Hope we get through it OK, she's still not back. Argh.

I have been experiencing similar with my DD 14.... we have school holidays coming up next week (2 weeks off) and I am dreading it! She is very independent and likes to bus everywhere - it's the last minute sleepovers that drive me insane - along with the constant rudeness! I have just laid out the guidelines for the holiday (not sleepovers on consecutive days, etc) and have every intention of TRYING to stick to them - that's if she doesn't wear me down along the way!!! I have just downloaded for free from amazon audio books (1 month's free trial - set a reminder on your phone to cancel the membership before the month is over!!) a book called Princess Bitchface! It really gives an insight into what is going on for them - I swear the author must have met my DD!!! It has taught me that I need to re-adjust my behavior in order to save the fights - this is EXTREMELY hard for me - but I'm on day 5 so far - and I'm getting good at staying away from her bedroom and telling her that I'll talk to her later when she treats me like a human being........ Good luck - and as I keep saying to myself - remember to breathe!!

Raising daughters is a fantastic responsible look at the type of boundaries and nurture girls need through the different developmental stages of their life. Dont be fooled in to thinking toddler tantrums is normal at this age. Read the book and concentrate on what you should be doing to help her. My eldest daughter is 23, i had a blip with her when she was 15, we got through it. I’d raised her by myself.

Thanks for the recommendations, I'll definitely look into both of them.

Re, The tantrum. It was a one-off, she doesn't normally behave like this (if she did, I'd be speaking to the doctor about it). I think she'd exhausted all other tactics and decided to have one as a last resort...I'm guessing she stopped as soon as I left with DS!

The good thing is that she and I do talk a lot and she shares any worries or concerns with me, which is great. I just wish she'd be less demanding the rest of the time!

@Penguinsetpandas I hope everything was OK with your DD over the weekend and you're having a good week so far. Deep breaths everyone!

A week of early nights usually sorts my dd's right out!!