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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Why doesn't school see what others see?

13 replies

Bestseller · 22/09/2018 07:53

I can't even really "blame" one school or teacher. Ever since day one I have to infants (now year 13) DS1 seems to have been a quiet average child who has been overlooked by school. Never given achievement awards, and picked for the school play or school teams. Never given anyone any trouble and noone seems to have noticed him. He's been happy enough at school but hasn't been pushed to meet his potential. Teachers don't dislike him but they're not particularly pleased with hi either. Parents evenings are always the same, handwriting and needs to produce more work but never any sanctions for not doing so because he manages to produce just enough to stay under the radar.

Out of school he does Cadets where he absolutely throws himself into everything, adults are proud of him and adults from all over the county have noticed him and want him working with them. At school, sometimes at parents' evening he's had to remind teachers of his name!

OP posts:

cdtaylornats · 22/09/2018 14:16

What have you done about it as parents?

Anythingforacatslife · 22/09/2018 14:20

My ds 14 is just like this and it’s one of the reasons we chose a very small private school for him at 11, so that he couldn’t hide and just do enough. I did raise the issue with primary school and it did improve but some of it is just personality I think. Not all kids particularly like school and so would just rather be anonymous and do enough to get by. It’s easier in outside groups for them to feel comfortable and let their personalities shine, because there’s no pressure.

Original poster

Bestseller · 22/09/2018 14:21

I've tried not to be the parent who thinks the teachers are misunderstanding my pfb and given him chances to shine elsewhere. Should I have done something else?

OP posts:

Squeegle · 22/09/2018 19:43

I’m kind of puzzled as to what you want exactly? It all sounds ok to me. Is he happy?

Sirzy · 22/09/2018 19:45

Some people shine in different environments. That doesn’t mean other environments are doing anything wrong though

Oblomov18 · 22/09/2018 19:51

Why have not been honest with HoY re how you truely feel?

titchy · 22/09/2018 19:53

So he's a quiet average child who loves cadets yes? And....? What's the issue? Some kids are quiet and average! It's not a bad thing is it? It's great that he's found something he loves though!

tinytemper66 · 22/09/2018 20:31

My son was like this. He joined the RAF and won an award at graduation for being the most helpful recruit as voted for by the whole of the intake.
So he found his niche after all.

blackeyes72 · 23/09/2018 08:13

I understand the feeling totally, as one of my sons is like this. He seems happy but his confidence isn't helped when he is never picked for things. I haven't approached school either, but I do encourage him a lot.

I hope he finds his thing as he grows older..

BackforGood · 23/09/2018 23:35

I'm not really sure what the issue is either. He is doing fine at school, doesn't stand out, but that needn't be a bad thing, and, has found another 'place' in life where he does shine. All good, surely ?

BackInTime · 25/09/2018 15:15

So is it that your DS is unhappy at school or is it that you are unhappy that you feel he is being overlooked?

How big is his secondary school? Does the school give out lots of achievement awards? Has he auditioned for school plays or done trails for sports teams? Does he participate in school drama and sports clubs?

Personally, as long as your DS is happy I would be grateful for this and also glad he has found something he loves and thrives at in the Cadets.

northernglam · 30/09/2018 20:53

My kids never get achievement awards either although both very high achievers. Teachers mostly use rewards for children whose behaviour needs improving so as a result my boys who were both top of the class had about 1/10th of awards of others. One had his form tutor ask what he was doing wrong not to get any award tokens! They just sail under the radar and only time they get positive feedback is in their school reports when they have generally got amazing test results. We raised it when they were younger that they did mind never getting any awards usually the teacher would give loads just before and after parents eve and then forget until the next year.

lifecouldbeadream · 03/10/2018 11:55

Ah, the forgotten middle. My DD is this as is my DS. Never quite good enough nor bad enough.... though both have good reports and teachers like to teach them. At DD’s last school, they told them that if they hadn’t had an award 2 years running they weren’t trying hard enough..... yet no-one who taught her could say what more she needed to do. All said she was a pleasure to teach and handed in homework and tried hard. . Irritated the life out of me.

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