Should I let my daughter have a house party

[motherofteen2]

DD wants a house party. She is 14 (all of her friends from school are 15 she's old 14). Anyway the way she's pitched it to me is she locks up all valuables upstairs in the bedrooms which will be locked. She makes plenty of dancing room in the house with cheap disco lights. There is a lot of food and drink. I get a bit of real drink (alcopops) as well as AF beer since it's still 10,000 times better than what they get at discos (the discos won't play anything outside one direction in our area and they're full of 11 year olds). Should I let her have one. By the way I won't be leaving won't be hovering but I'll be present. I trust her since she doesn't want other people over. Can I do this. It would be 80% teenagers dancing since they do that everywhere they go it feels like

Good luck restricting the alcohol unless you want to conduct intimate searches at the door!!

Agree wish Dish
I don't have an issue with buying alcohol for those under 18. However, be aware if you buy alcopops and beer they will bring bottles of vodka and all sorts of stuff mixed. How do you feel about weed?

My advice - shut down at midnight. Don't let anyone stay over - they act differently when they are not being picked up by parents.

Clear your house, expect it to be trashed and expect some to be off their face - how will you deal with it?

Should have said agree with cheese

I allowed my dd a smalll house party at 15 and bought very low alcohol wine (pop) but I did ask all the parents first and served lots of food and we stayed in but out of their way. It was fine.
Her 16th was a step up as she is at college so had a few older friends who bought alcohol. We went for a curry then came back about 12 and they were merry but sat drinking tea and watching Shrek 😂 snuggled unde blankets in the lounge!

No way. My dd is this age. She went to a party of same age "naice" kids earlier this year. Plastic water bottles brought in were full of vodka, weed was smoked, mud and dog poo were traipsed through house, vomiting everywhere, snogging and worse. Horrific. The parents were there and they are responsible but they just hadn't foreseen most of the above.

I did in July. 60 of them! 😲. We live on a farm tho so lots of space.

3 of us on the gate. Asked them all if they had any alcohol (mostly in front of their parents as they had to be driven over). I would say about 60% had various types, ranging from beer, vodka, cider and a full bottle of pimms! The look on the parents faces was very funny when their precious darlings got caught out!

Anyway.....some still got smuggled in, one girl threw up (buckets are 97p in B&Q ), they danced a lot, some went to the bottom of the field to do god knows what and we found an empty condom wrapper in the bathroom the next day!

But they all had a blast, dd felt v popular and I was glad when it was all over

Mrseric - what's wrong with snogging at 14?!?

We don’t even have house parties with our OWN friends in case they wreck the joint. Never mind letting a load of teenagers loose in our house. All it takes is for one person to put a glass down on an unsuitable surface and your furniture is permanently damaged.

No!!!! I had one at 14 - it got totally out of control. Someone threw up in my bed and someone else stole my mum's gold bracelet. I now have teenagers myself and they will never have one/ I still feel bad about it, thirty years later.

I'd always assume parties that a 14 year old is invited to would have alcohol, whether endorsed by the host's parents or undercover - I think you are being at best hopeful but slightly naive to think otherwise.
I think you should inform parents that you are intending to provide alcohol and make sure you personally know that message has got through - also ensure that you have a bouncer at the door - social media has a habit of making private house parties open house parties. The whole thing sounds like my idea of hell - dd has been to one where everything got completely out of hand and that was before 9pm!

I'm thinking of doing it but with these rules

1. a few adults around as "bouncers"
2. over by midnight
3. no alcohol provided if they want to bring some their parent has to be dropping them off and they have to tell me they're ok with it
4. close monitor of all alcohol consumption
5. all valuables and upstairs doors locked (will prevent any damages since anything that could be broken will be locked up)

I'd rather be buying alcohol with very low alcohol percentage than them getting it elsewhere - potentially unsafely - anyway. Kids get up to this stuff and I'd rather have the the trust from them.

If there will be even alcopops there I would make sure that all parents of any of the teenagers know though.

Only read the first post and all I can say is NO😱

OP, all those rules will go out the window once the party starts. These things always end up out of control

3) no alcohol provided if they want to bring some their parent has to be dropping them off and they have to tell me they're ok with it
4) close monitor of all alcohol consumption
I applaud your intention but you are far too naive - alcohol is too easily smuggled in for those whose parents do not approve and by the time you realise someone has had to much to drink (in a dark room with lots of dancing) it will be too late - they will be pissed.

Chances are it’ll be fine.

Instill in your DD that as the host, it is her party and that she is responsible for her friends, although you are on hand if she needs you.

Keep them contained, kitchen/garden works if you can. They’ll go outside. Consider putting up a gazebo.

Empty your fridge. They will go through it, and your cupboards. Don’t over stock the loo roll. They will throw it around.

My DCs have a party for their 16ths. It’s not my favourite thing to do, but we do it. Mostly they children are good kids. They always say ‘thank you for having me’ and offer to help clear up.

I figure it’s the DCs home too so they should have their friends round.

Gosh reading the replies makes me feel very lucky. DD has had house parties on new years eve since she was 14 and on some birthdays. We have been lucky the house was not trashed.
They do smuggle alcohol and weed and I have caught people snogging. I ruined it for them by asking if the girl was really consenting and giving them a lecture about underage sex 😁
We have provided alcohol sometimes too. We live in London and by the time they are 13 we don't know who parents are and no one is dropped off to parties. They get ubers or the tube

Luckily DD is very sensible and makes them all clean up etc before leaving. There is almost always a "mum" friend in the group who holds peoples hair back when they are vomiting etc. Maybe we are just lucky to know fairly sensible teenagers. Five parties so far with between 15 to 25 kids and no major problems. We didnt supervise 2 out of the five parties.

Having said that I am pretty relaxed about the alcohol because I know they hang out in parks and drink anyway whether parents agree to it or not. But that alone may be the most stressful part for most parents.