This is complicated. My 18 year old son has just gone off to start university, waved off at the station by another family who have a vendetta against me. I stayed away for my own protection. My son has chosen them over me and I am heartbroken.
Long story short, my son started a relationship a year ago with a young person who suffers with mental health issues. The relationship has been very on and off and my son has suffered the pain of these ups and downs, which he has shared with me. I've done my best to be supportive and counselled him through the separations.
I have compassion for my sons partner (SP), also 18, as I know they have been struggling with their identity, and I can relate to many of the problems this young person has. I've tried to support them and include them in our family activities, trips and holidays. I've tried to be kind to SP and have treated them like my own child.
SP's mother and I were never actually friends, but we did start a 'text friendship' after the kids broke up before Christmas. The kids got back together just before Christmas and everything seemed fine. Until the end of January when they broke up again. SP called it off quite dramatically on the phone and my son was in pieces. Subsequently, SP's mother sent me a text warning me to stay away from her family, which I did. I have actually been at great pains to avoid them since.
The following month, SP's father and I found ourselves parked next to each other in the car park and got chatting. He obviously hadn't been told by his wife that he was not allowed to speak to me. SP saw us chatting, and by the time I'd got home, I'd received another text from SP's mother warning me off quite forcefully. After that, I looked over my shoulder whenever I was anywhere I thought they might be.
3 months after this, in May, the kids got back together and are still together. Over the summer, I included SP in our family plans and trips. SP has stayed at our house fairly frequently and has seemed perfectly pleasant to me, even helping me choose a new instrument and playing duets with me. I texted SP some photos of one of our holidays that they were unable to come on so they could feel included and received some nice texts in reply. SP came on a family holiday to London and seemed perfectly happy to join in with our activities, meals, museums, the Proms etc.
I am not allowed to know where SP's family live, although SP has told me. Recently, my son left something at their house which he needed for that evening, so I drove him over there and parked round the corner and waited for him while he went to fetch it. I received another abusive text from SP's mother subsequently, telling me to stay away from the house.
2 weeks ago, my son moved in with them after a row with me. He packed his stuff for university and moved in with them. He came home to collect the rest of his things the following week and referred to their house as 'home' during a conversation he had with me.
I took my son for a farewell dinner last Friday, during which he told me that I was about to have charges pressed against me for 'harassment' of SP. He told me that I was 'one text away, or one hug away, from having a whole load of cr*p rain down on my head'. He advised me to never speak to SP again, or be anywhere near them, otherwise I will have 'harassment' charges brought against me.
SP tells my son that they 'have every right' to bring these charges. And the worst part is that my son will not challenge this thinking. My son will do anything to keep his relationship with SP and SP's family. I think he is dazzled by them and just agrees with everything they say. He knows I'm not the 'bad guy', but doesn't want to lose SP or their family. It's bizarre.
It turns out that SP's mother has been 'building a case against me' since January, and that all SP has to do is 'point the finger' and I could end up with a police record. I could be issued with a Police Information Notice (PIN), which is effectively, a verdict without trial. It stays on your police record for seven or more years and will show up on an enhanced CRB check, it could affect my ability to get another job and would mean that I will be banned from working with children. I can appeal to have the PIN revoked, but it is a long expensive process and very stressful. The damage will be to my reputation as people believe there is no smoke without fire. This is what I am facing. My son says that, so far, he has managed to persuade them not to press charges against me.
So, my now son has gone off to university. I feel so sad.
Just wanted to share this.