Parents with 15-16 year olds

[MorningCuppa]

I am just wondering what other parents have as "rules" and times you teens have to be in etc.

If your teen goes out with friends after school, what time do you expect them home?

What time do they go to bed?

Do you have any rules around screen time?

If they go out at weekends what time do you expect them home?

16 year old here, just started college.

Relatively few rules these days. One fixed rule is that all tech devices stay out of bedrooms (me too, not just for teenagers) & the wifi goes off overnight. I strongly encourage her to put out her tech & head to bed when I do - very thin walls & bouncy floors mean she tends to wake me up otherwise, but if she wants to read / draw etc until later that's up to her. Until her GCSEs were over I did enforce tech out by 9.45-10pm.

My dd doesn't really socialise much except with family / at clubs, so can't help there as she tends to come home whenever what she's doing finishes! Generally though post GCSEs most parents I know are pretty relaxed about time getting home providing teens are getting enough sleep & keeping everyone informed. (Main conflict seems to be around wanting frequent late night lifts!)

15 year old dd... she doesn’t have rules about screen time, can go on hers whenever she likes. But if school work starts to suffer they will be restricted (this has never happened, she is top sets and very academic).

She has one best friend and they don’t go out during the week unless it’s a special birthday thing etc for someone else in their class so in that case I’d be relaxed about her coming home as it’s very rare she does it. She might go into town and I’ll pick her up about 10 /10.30. But generally she just hangs out with friends in town at the weekend and comes home about 6ish - we live rurally and transport is non existent past this time.

Not many rules.
She rarely goes out during the week.
Play it by ear at weekends.

15 yo

An agreed schedule of school work and computer time for each day (he's got s lot of GCSEs coming up )
10pm bedtime weekdays
If any parties /gatherings at the weekend midnight is latest (but we meet him/ pick him up as he was randomly attacked and punched recently only metres away from our front door - perp still not caught )
We use this framework and discuss any variations with him, agreeing what is reasonable.

My ds has just turned 17 so in Yr 12. No rules over screen time but he doesn't game and has an app monitoring how long he spends on his phone (his choice in order to try to cut down). No bedtime as such but the mornings he has a 9am start at college he chooses to go to bed by 11pm otherwise it's around 12-1 ish. In the week he will sometimes go out over the skatepark in which case he has to be back no later than 9.30. At the weekends it depends where he is, for example at a party where I don't know the child or family we would pick him up at 12-1 ish, at a party where we knew the parents we let him stay over. If he is at he cinema/ at a friends etc we would usually expect him back by 10 but would let him stay later if he asked as he is really sensible.

At 16 my son is expected to be in around 10pm. He is out most evenings. I am flexible if buses/ trains are difficult as long as he lets me know what's happening. There are no other rules. He chooses when to go to sleep and gets himself up for college and I don't access his phone or social media.

DD is 16 - she does not usually go out during the week. I would expect her home by around 9pm if she did go out but we don't have this set in stone because she rarely goes out mid week.
At weekends she would be expected home by 11.30 unless there is some particular reason - I have been flexible about this for a party. Other rules - she is not allowed to stay over at her boyfriends house.
Bed time - we don't really have a set bed time - she is usually in bed by 11.0 weekdays. If she is making a noise we would tell her to be quiet at 11.0 because we are going to bed.
Screen time - no rules. I wish we had instigated no phones or screens after a certain time but it seems too late now. She is not too bad about it and seems self disciplined enough to turn off and go to sleep.

16 and 15 yr olds here. Only allowed out on school nights until late with good reason and some warning. Sometimes stay after school to go shopping with friends. We live in a village, so I don't mind if they go for a mooch and a coffee or a cheap takeaway occasionally.

Weekends are fairly flexible. If they want to go to parties they stay over, usually, because the parties are usually far away. That's with parents from school and only if I check with the parents first. Happen fairly often for DS1, far less often for DS2. His friendship group is wider and from lots of different schools, so I didn't let him go to a party 50 miles away and stay over with people I'd never met after an all day BBQ at another friend's house. He was apparently the only one whose parent said no.

Week nights - lights out by 10.30.

I don't police screen time. I know I probably should, but I don't. Partly because both DC work hard, get good grades,they do lots of music practise and they have good social lives, so I don't think the screens are turning them into anti-social hermits.

I have two 15 year olds. Really try hard not to impose rules, try and get them to develop a sensible approach themselves, they are in Year 11 and we have dropped all bedtime and screen time rules. Of course provide some guidance occasionally but generally they are sensible kids who don't wish to screw up their future. They usually go to bed around 10:30 during the week - very late at the weekend. Don't often see friends on week nights - maybe hang out after school for an hour or two.

Thank you all, it's great to know I think we are getting it right.

Teenage years seem so hard to know what's best.

I have a 15 year old, don't have many rules around bedtime or screen time, although ds isn't really to interested in social media, he does like to watch films, he goes up to bed by 10pm.

He does however like to hang out with friends after school 2-3 times a week, we do like him to be home by 8 during school term, as he's got his GCSE's next year, however I find many of his friends are allowed out till later.

Don't mind at weekends if there at a friends house or party but don't like him hanging out on the streets to much.

He tells us we are the strictest parents (I'm sure his friends tell there parents the same)

Things have changed a little over past year tbh but dd would only really be out until late tea time ish 6pm. But always had lots of homework in final year so only went out when appropriate. Shes fairly sensible on that.
As for bed time curfew, not really. She would probably be midnight and still have odd text messages to mates ect.
No rules on screen time, we tried more with older d's as was a lot more into gaming. Dd was more into watching utube/music/snap chat ECT. Maybe we gave up and relaxed more with dd. Used to turn modem off at 10pm prior to this but not anymore. I think we had to else ds would probably have gamed all night and it made dd go to sleep. Its just left on now and she did use it a lot for revision. But no dd phones always in hand but she does still communicate or watch tv with us unlike d's at that age.
Weekends were pretty much the same, home for tea and not back out. I think ds at that age had later nights (10pm maybe can't remember) due to different friend group and being a strapping lad with a girlfriend who was allowed out late too. But dd is tiny for age and didn't require or ask about being out so late. It all varies so much.
Now I am more open to later nights and we have stretched things later recently along with the end of gcses. Dd has now also got a boyfriend and started college so will definitely be more her choices now.

16 yr old DS- just started college- not many fixed rules, set in stone as such. Lots of discussion, negotiation depending on circs.If he's out, time to come home depends on where he is, how he's getting home, who he is with. Generally speaking 10:30 at weekend, 10 school night. Later for 'special' event if he's got a safe way to get home ( no car so no lifts). Main rule is to NEVER let phone run out of charge then at least I can get in touch.

No fixed bedtime- college timetable has different start times, mostly later than former school time. Am letting him learn the consequences of late nights for himself.

No time limits on tech. I just keep a really close eye on his college work. So long as that is up to date and up to standard then he can spend his free time as he wishes- and hopefully learn to regulate himself

@Sadik

A big thank-you for the tip about switching off the WiFi at night! Previously, we'd take away DD's (13) devices away at night and charge them in our room, but this is easier and prevents the "just 5 more minutes" that end up being 20 arguments we had to deal with.

Plus it gets us off our phones Mumsnet too.

Yes, wifi off is good for me too AmICrazy

I have a 15yo and a 17 yo. The rule is no screens in bedrooms - for all of us. No TV either.

No going out on weeknights normally, but there can be exceptions - DD2 had a once in a lifetime opportunity to see her favourite band (who normally play big stadium venues) on a Tuesday night very near us, for very reasonable money. So I took her and some friends - they were 13 at the time. Flexibility matters.

Homework has to be done - they are responsible for it. If any detentions happen, privileges get removed (hasn't been needed yet).

Friday and Saturday night we are flexible about bedtimes. The rest of the time it's 10 pm.

It all runs pretty smoothly.

15 and 14 yr old DD here. By my own admission I am a big softy and really have to work on following through with rules etc. My youngest is still fairly easy and doesn’t require much of a firm hand whereas my 15 yr old is a much more of a handful and makes constant demands for money and lifts here there and everywhere often very late at the weekend. I never stop her going out with friends etc but I think with gcse exams coming up there needs to be a lot less socialising going on! Also I don’t have any restrictions on mobiles except they are not allowed at the dinner table and if we are watching a movie as a family no mobiles allowed. Think I maybe need to set a few more rules going forward 🤔

Son is 15- in for 1030 on a school night, 11pm at weekends.

No restriction on screen time ,at that age.
Fighting a losing battle in my opinion.
Tech is part of life-threatening parents have to accept this

No rules to speak of post GCSE. Good manners and consideration for others at home-don't take the piss. Tell me when you're going to be home- and tell me if that changes. Text me when you gets wherever you are going to spend the night if you're staying out. Don't do anything that will make me look like a crap parent if you goes missing and I have to go on telly and make an appeal. That's about it.