Materialistic teen - help!

[hallamoo]

Am getting frustrated with DD17 who is very materialistic, and wants money for everything (she doesn't always get it).

She earns approx £300 per month from weekend jobs, and we give her £50 a month which is to cover all activities, dance classes, singing lessons etc.

She is massively into performing arts and has very expensive hobbies and interests.

She buys expensive clothes and make up, and goes out quite a lot.

She is learning to drive and has been given almost £600 towards her lessons/test.

We also pay for her phone contract separately and rail season ticket for 6th form.

She is now talking about getting an evening job because she doesn't have enough money for everything.

I'm worried it will affect her A Level studies and can't make her understand that £350 a month is quite a lot to spend on yourself every month. (It's more than I have to spend on just myself).

Apparently I'm unreasonable because most of her friends get upwards of £500 a month!

I just told her I don't believe her, now she's ignoring me. I didn't handle it well.

Any pearls of wisdom from those with more experience with teenagers on how to handle it?

Depending on your family circumstances I would say I’m surprised she’s having to cover hobbies from the money she has. Dd is the same age and we pay her hobby costs as well as giving her an allowance for clothes etc. She has a PT waitressing job to top that up. We are pleased she’s continued with her hobby. That said we are comfortably off so it’s not a problem for us to pay.

I don't think you have a lot to worry about, she is working for her lifestyle and is prepared to work another job to increase her spending. Perhaps the only caveat might be that her studies must not suffer and if they do she will have to give up some things to make the time to improve her school work.

Marialuisa - the £50 is for hobbies - I think that's quite a lot!

I am pleased that she is continuing with her hobbies, but I don't spend £50 a month on hobbies.

We also buy her clothes, and pay her mobile phone contract, her rail season ticket and have given her lots of money for driving lessons.

I don’t know your family circumstances but plenty of people spend more than £50 a month on gym membership or football, for example. You also didn’t say you pay for clothes so it sounded like she was covering that herself from wages.
I just found your description of her as “materialistic” a bit unkind. She works to pay for her luxuries and hopefully she knows the long term importance of good grades so she sounds very reasonable to me.

Can you sit with her and work out a budget of what she needs to spend (and when)?

I'm horrified with you, OP.
Mine earns £80/month & spends nearly all of it, but hasn't tried to pick up more hours or jobs. Mine could have saved £1000 over past year but has just £150 in the bank.
What does your DD want to do in future? How will she fund it?
Who will buy her future car or pay for insurance?

Let her take the job. If she wants to fund her lifestyle and is willing to work to do so then that's up to her and it's also up to her to work out how to fit in her studies around it. I'm quite impressed at her work ethic tbh.

She's a very lucky girl to get an allowance and to be able to top it up with her earnings, but I'm very impressed with her work ethic. She'll go far. (I don't suppose you've got time for hobbies anyway OP.)

If it helps I was exactly the same, I had 3 jobs at college and uni and blew it all on designer clothes and nights out. It hasn't had a negative effect at all. I manage money well now, have a professional career (and now wouldn't dream of paying £50 fo a t-shirt!)

Maybe sit her down and gently talk about your concerns about her a-levels. If she can reassure you on that you've no problem

I think you can only give her what you want to and can afford, in the form of an allowance she chooses how to spend, and let her earn more if she wants to. She sounds great to be honest, from your snapshot (working, studying, committed to hobbies, enjoying life, wanting more out of life) - I am sure her priorities will change in the future, but if not that’s ok because she is her own person.

Singlenotsingle - why would you suppose I don't have time for hobbies??