Advice on DS sexist behaviour please

[bananafoam]

Hi so my DS is 15, just having gone into Year 11.

He has been out a lot over the summer with mates and I feel he has really changed. He quite often makes comments about girls; him and his friends make comments which to be fair are quite disgusting and also comments about adults including their teachers.

I have had a text message from school to say he is in a detention for inappropriate behaviour so I phoned in and they said he made some crude comments which the teacher overheard. They wouldn't tell me what the comments were.

He also has various 'girlfriends' who he goes on dates with and then I don't hear anything else about them until the next one comes along. He doesn't introduce them to us or bring them home he just sometimes comments there's a girl he's seeing.

I'm really concerned about his attitude towards women but he insists I'm being 'extra'. Any advice?

Well him calling you 'extra' is just him being derogatory towards yet another female.

I have no advice per se other than I'd be throwing books at him in the hope that he can wake himself up.

Hopefully someone else has dealt with similar and can be more helpful!

Is his DF around OP? What does he say?

DH is around but works long hours so doesn't see anywhere near as much of DS as I do and doesn't experience it as much. However I have spoken to him about it and he is very strict with DS about it. However this doesn't seem to have much impact and their relationship is not great.

I don't want to totally fall out with DS as I want to keep communication between us good so don't think totally "throwing the book" at him would work, but not sure what else to do. I was sort of hoping others might have had similar experience with their DS and could give me some advice!!

Just thinking there must be some sort of courses he could do, either in person or online. A bit like the drivers awareness course, but a sexual awareness course instead.

I would try talking with him and spend most of the time listening and asking him what his thoughts are on things. Try and get to the bottom of why he is always going on one date and leaving it. If he has got in with the wrong crowd he may be doing a bit of showing off or he may be treating women badly. But you need to let him express his views about things and see what is at the bottom of it. You will know how best to talk with him.

I have to say amongst my three teenagers the disgusting comments about girls would be seen as really uncool. Really cringeworthy actually - so I imagine him and his mates are not endearing themselves to their fellow classmates either.

I would nt expect teenager relationships to last, so the changing of girlfriends is nt a concern. As for the comments tell him you do n’t want to hear them. I would nt get too involved in private conversations though

Does he have a sister?

Thanks for the responses.

He has two sisters! So no reason he wouldn't respect women in that sense - he literally has more females around him than men!

And I know what you mean about the relationships not lasting at his age, and it is not as if I want him to be in a long term relationship, but I just get the impression he is not very nice to girls. He will be seeing someone and then never introduce them to me (but always snapchatting/facetiming etc) then he will tell me he is seeing someone else, or going on a date with someone else and always has a crap excuse about the last girl like they "got too needy" etc. Maybe they're actually dumping him and he's embarrassed!

And I also agree about him not endearing himself to other classmates, or staff probably! I just wish I could have him back! He has changed so much!

I’m sure he’ll grow out of it, and I think if you make a big deal of this, he will dig his heals in.