How do you give teens emotional resilience?

[Aroundtheworldandback]

Ds’s gf has finished with him after 2 years. He’s hardly eaten in a week, not sleeping and lying on his bed following her online.

I realise he has to grieve but I’m concerned he’s sinking into deep depression. He won’t talk to us. Doesn’t have good friends as she was his whole world- unhealthy I know.

How do you teach them resilience?

For now, let him be. Make sure he knows you are there by looking in occasionally to offer refreshments, a hug and an ear to listen.
Resilience is a difficult one. As some people are just born with it. My dd1 has enough to power a nation but my younger dd2 has less and handles failure badly.
I guess if you model the behaviour for him to watch, show him setbacks, failure, mistakes etc are not the end of the world and you can get back up again. Maybe sneakily put on shows or films with this kind of message. I wish him the best.

Just validate how he’s feeling, ask him if he wants anything, make his favourite foods and nurture him, then gradually start to get him to spend time with you or other family, do normal things, speak to a sibling or a mate. Be kind but be firm about the things he does still need to do.

Not sure it can be taught. Can be learnt by know they have survived, faced, sometimes even conquered challenges before. So do what you can to help him see positive things now (without forcing him).

Be there to talk and after a sufficient period tell him to pull it together as life goes on. Is it the rejection or the loss he is grieving? It is a horrible feeling to be broken hearted

School counselor /GP

I did a course on growth mindset in teens last year and the one thing the instructor said that really struck me is that resilience is something that can only be attained by going through hardship. So this time it's awful.... Next time he has his heart broken he'll remember that he survived the first time. Its awful to watch them suffer but all you can do is be supportive. It might help to persuade him out of his room, do something normal like watch TV with him (preferably something funny) and gently remind him that real life goes on, he's not the first to have a broken heart, and he will survive. Poor lad.

Thank you all so very much. It’s not the rejection but the loss he’s feeling. MairzyDoats yes it makes sense to think resilience can be attained through experiencing hardship but I’m also sure some are born with a more healthy dose than others.

I’ve tried everything to entice him out his room. He has an obsessive personality and I know has been harassing her. I’m hoping he won’t fall into depression. Will definitely take on board all the advice, thank you.