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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My kids don't want to go out

16 replies

dshalom03 · 02/09/2018 15:40

I have 2 children aged 12 and 16. When they were younger I would always take them out at the weekend and took a lot of pride and pleasure in doing that. Now they play endlessly on their phones and computers and I can't get them to go anywhere unless a huge fuss is created, and when this happens the trips are no fun anyway.
This is really affecting me as I work all week and want to spend time with them at the weekend.
I feel our relationships are at a low point now because of this. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks.

OP posts:

fireplacetiles · 02/09/2018 15:45

Sorry but totally normal behaviour, mine are 17 and 19 and don't want to do anything with us any more, they have their own friends and lives, it's all about becoming independent adults. We still have an evening meal together about 5 nights a week which is non negotiable and is a way to share what is happening in their lives. It's a tough transition so I feel for you but time to let go😢

fireplacetiles · 02/09/2018 15:46

Sorry just reread that the youngest is 12, maybe a few more years leeway with that one yet!

HollowTalk · 02/09/2018 15:50

This will always happen. Think how often you went out with your parents at the weekend.

Do they like films and TV? I found mine were happy to watch box sets or films with me but wouldn't want to go out.

HollowTalk · 02/09/2018 15:51

Would they like it if you got a family gym membership?

daisypond · 02/09/2018 15:54

Normal, I'd say. Teenagers won't be massively keen to go on trips with their parents at weekends.

GreenTulips · 02/09/2018 15:58

But a Koala box - kicks them off the wifi and will stop them becoming addicts

user1483390742 · 02/09/2018 16:00

Same here- three teens who have barely left their rooms all summer. It's sad that they have little or no recollection of all the days out i used to organise when they were younger!
My friend has one child and she says how lucky mine are to have each other for company, but they barely talk to each other now!

Original poster

dshalom03 · 02/09/2018 16:01

Thanks for your replies. I do expect this from my 16 year old. But it makes me sad to see my 12 year old son spending the weekend in his room. It also makes me feel guilty that I'm not doing more.

OP posts:

user1483390742 · 02/09/2018 16:06

My youngest is 12 too, and i feel guilty that he spends so much time in his room so young, but he doesn't want to go out with me anymore!

MinaPaws · 02/09/2018 16:09

I sympathise with you. We don;t have such a massive age gap, which could be part of the issue for you. Do they just not want to do the same things?

Can you do stuff with them separately? Take the 12 yr old out for breakfast while 16 year old sleeps. Take teh 16 year old somewhere they really want to go which is tricky to get to by public transport. I trail round guitar and comic shops with DC because I love hanging otu with them and that's where they want to go. then we go off for lunch at Prets or Wasabi afterwards and they think it's an amazing day out.

Can you set up a challenge? I got DS2 swimming with me and we set ourselves the target of swimming a mile. He never seemed to enjoy it much (though he was always very happy when he hit a new target 500m, 1 km, 1 mile etc) but just the other day he told me he loves the taste of a certain drink because we always bought it to have while we waited for the bus home from swimming and he associates it with those trips. Moral of that story for me ws they don't think they appreciate stuff you do wiht them, but they look back on it with real affection.

We also try to have regular film nights. I make home made pizzas or burgers and we take turns to choose a film we'd all like to see on Netflux or buy a DVD in advance. It's not obligatory. If DS1 is out partying, which he often is, the rest of us stay home and watch.

Now DS2 is starting to get an active social life outside it's harder than ever, but even buying croissants for breakfast and making a big jug of cocoa keeps them in the same space as us for a happy half hour.

Pippylou · 02/09/2018 16:11

Time to start finding your own stuff to do, let them join if they want to but dragging horses to water won't really work.

welshmist · 02/09/2018 16:11

I`m a bad mama, when son was 12 would switch off internet, giving warning and insist they came for a walk he often had a friend over so I would take both, they did enjoy it. Have to admit we leave near a beach and have a dog.

Alamindah · 02/09/2018 16:12

I came on to say you're lucky, as my 3 teens are out constantly but with their friends, rather than as a family! But I understand your frustration having read your post. I think this is all normal (and annoying!). The upside is that DH and I have just been out for a few hours on our own doing things we want to do, without having to cajole reluctant children.

Justturned50 · 02/09/2018 16:13

The only thing that will get my DS's to leave the house is the cinema or eating out. Very normal I'd say.

Teenageromance · 02/09/2018 16:36

This is all normal but it is a difficult transition as a mother - I’ve got three and was the same as you OP, took them out loads as a trio when they were younger. Loved every minute of it and it is sad to say goodbye to all that. Ours will still come out with us now but not in the same carefree, just happy to be with each other way they did as little ones. It’s a very hard transition - all the tips on here are good, we always eat together, watch quite a bit of film. During the holidays they will come in and chat with us in the morning. Those just hanging out times are lovely.
I reckon it’s why grandchildren are so treasured - we get to do it all again but appreciate how quickly it goes

Blessthekids · 02/09/2018 17:18

This sounds very familiar. First summer where we have hardly done a thing. Have forced them out with me once a week. And thankfully we have had a few family events and visits to friends who live far away which has meant they have had to be outdoors. Otherwise yes its like pulling teeth. I miss the day trips out and about and discovering places together. Am trying to adapt as I know that when I do push, the trips are fraught with sarcasm from dds which is as bad as not going!!!!

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