13 yr old with terrible attitude at home

[Storminateacup74]

What do you do when your 13 yr old speaks to you with so much attitude and shouts and screams at you about how horrible you are because you won't let them have an iphone?? My dd is so well behaved away from home she is so polite and she has impeccable manners and she knows how to treat others. But at home she is vile. She just had a huge tantrum over what to wear and slagging off all her clothes I have bought her over the last few months and threw in the month long argument about wanting an iphone. The horrible comments about me went on and on and I tried not to react but in the end i just lost it and swore at her. I feel so bad now but I just couldn't take it anymore. I have taken away her phone (which isnt an iphone -so she doesn't care)!!

One solution to the clothes problem is to give her a monthly clothing allowance. My mother did this for me and says this was one her best parenting decisions ever! Your DD has far more time to spend looking for bargains than you do and she knows exactly what's in and out among her 13 year old friends. And yes, she may never buy school uniform again and she'll go to school in clothes too small and falling apart but that's between her and the school. No need for you to say a word! And yes, she will overspend on the wrong things and have to learn to budget the hard way. 13 is a fine age to star doing that. The trick is that whatever happens you don't bail her out, and you don't buy any clothes for her (expect birthdays and Xmas) and you don't lend her any money - so if she spends it all on expensive tat she has to wait til next month.

And the iphone - it's wonderful that she wants one so much! Of course she wants it right now but that's not going to happen no matter how much she fusses. Make a plan - how can she earn one over a few months as a reward or save up for one? The potential for earning the iphone is the carrot for a shedload of good behaviour, chores done, cash earned before she gets what she wants..... so use it well!