Is son ignoring my background?

[KathyKatzman]

Hi all,
I married a Serbian Jewish man from Belgrade (we now live in my home city of London), and our 17-year-old son has been raised with his father's Eastern European Jewish traditions and my own Anglican. He's an intelligent, loving boy but he recently told me he wants to give up Anglicanism entirely and be Jewish instead. My parents will be distraught...they loved having their grandson share in their traditions. I don't really mind his choice but just a small part of me feels like he's sidestepped my traditions in favor of his father's. Any advice? Thanks!!

Explain to your parents that however hard this may be for you three it is your sons beliefs and you support him in choosing his own beliefs.

OP - presumably he was being raised in order to make a choice at some point, and 17 seems a reasonable time to do it. And he will still join in family celebrations and the like - he has not suddenly decided to keep kosher? I wonder what Anglican traditions they are concerned about?

SamG76 - I would imagine Christmas would be the big one.

It's difficult, but it is his decision and as a family it is best to support him in that. We've purposely made the decision not to raise our children with any particular faith (I have one, DH has none) because we wanted out children to be able to choose when they're old enough for themselves. They obviously have Christmas, Easter etc in school but the focus is on the secular side of celebrations.

Fatted I wondered if OP's in-laws were worried that he wouldn't come along to Xmas meals any more (which seems unlikely), or that he didn't "believe" in the Xmas story itself.

At 17 there isn't a lot you can do and TBH most teens give up on their parents religion altogether. At least he has some sort of faith.

Whatever his age, he us entitled to make up his mind about his beliefs - and it would be wrong to expect him to participate in some sort of 'false engagement'. My dd has been brought up Jewish, but there are members of her extended family who have been brought up nominally Christian - and at school she has come across others with lots of different beliefs - or none. I have always stressed the importance of respecting the religious/cultural beliefs of others. Hopefully your will understand that it is perfectly fine to sit down to Christmas dinner with your parents, as it is just a meal and although it doesn't have much to do with the Cristian religion, they will see it as part of the whole package of Christmas. Equally, I would expect your parents to respect his views if he chose not to attend church.

I can see your point, but as you can’t be Jewish and Christian your son either has to be one or the other, or an atheist. So someone’s traditions will be lost.

Is there a Jewish community nearby he can be involved with? Very difficult and dispiriting to be Jewish in isolation......