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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Supporting wife when son goes to Uni

20 replies

UniDad66 · 30/08/2018 09:28

Our youngest son is going to Uni in the next month and I am wondering how I can best support my wife from empty nest syndrome.

We took up dancing last year and intend on increasing classes when he goes to Uni, we have also booked some short breaks to get away. What else can I do?

We have spoken about him going to Uni and leaving his room for him when he returns home and my wife says she is OK with it, but sometimes she does get a little down.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 30/08/2018 09:30

She could foster? Foster parents are always needed!

billybagpuss · 30/08/2018 09:30

Hubby got me a dog, the kids haven't even left yet and have just decided its cheaper to stay home and commute.

I love my dog, I think I missed her way more than the kids when we were away on holiday.

letsdolunch321 · 30/08/2018 09:39

Wow, what a thoughtful man you sound!

She could try volunteering in charity work, local hospices, start a college course on something she has always wanted to learn.

Congratulations on your son getting into University.

Original poster
UniDad66 · 31/08/2018 07:07

Thank you, we have a small dog and plan on longer walks with lunch out as well as discovering the UK's dog friendly coast.

OP posts:
weloveheyduggee · 31/08/2018 07:09

I second volunteering in a charity shop if you're not working full time! A lot of our volunteers are retired or kids have just left home. There's lots of companionship, keeps you busy, and you really feel like your making a difference.

Original poster
UniDad66 · 31/08/2018 07:14

It is a traumatic time as we have our own business and are together 24 x 7 on top of that we are selling the family home in Cambridgeshire (which has been a nightmare -barn conversion). We having been looking to create a bucket list of things to do, so now might be the time to start?

Over the summer our son and his gfd went away for a week and we have all returned last week from a 1 week family holiday. Our son is on holiday again (trying to get my wife used to him not being here.)

OP posts:
Original poster
UniDad66 · 31/08/2018 07:16

Thank you, my wife already volunteers.

OP posts:
bangourvillagebesttimeever · 31/08/2018 07:19

My son has been home from Uni since June and spends a lot of time at home. They have lots of holidays! You can always arrange to visit him once every few weeks and go out for lunch.

flamingnoravera · 31/08/2018 07:21

What makes you think your wife needs extra support? Are you not also going to miss your son?
Fostering is a massive commitment and should not be entered into as a way to deal with empty nest feelings (which will pass) a fostered child is not a commodity for anyone to pick up to solve their feelings of loss.

Originalsaltedpeanuts · 31/08/2018 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolyPieter · 31/08/2018 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sparklingbrook · 31/08/2018 07:29

I agree with Original. Plus he's only going to Uni not emigrating.
Let her sort herself out she may be absolutely fine.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 31/08/2018 07:34

Why on earth would your wife be suffering from.'empty nest syndrome' whilst you wouldn't? Your wife may not need any support. Our youngest went off to uni last September and I would have been mightily aggrieved if my DH had suggested I needed additional support.

And please ignore suggestions about fostering- that is a major commitment and not a solution to feeling that the house is a bit empty without a teen around.

Hopefully your son is looking forward to uni and ready to move away and becoming Independent. Ours was, and we were very excited for him. We have enjoyed having him home for the summer and will look forward to seeing him at Christmas. In between, we'll be getting on with our busy lives.

iklboo · 31/08/2018 07:37

Maybe you should actually do some work around the house for once and give her a bit of a rest?

Where have you got this from?

Original poster
UniDad66 · 31/08/2018 08:56

Fostering is NOT an option, as for helping around the house I actually do that too and I have from the day we got married 35 years ago- unlike most husbands...

She does need support as she had a breakdown when our daughter left home and the same signs are back!

Why is it that when you ask for some advice/suggestions the trolls come out - milleniums I guess, craving for attention.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 31/08/2018 09:00

Bit of a drip feed there!

She needs a chat with her GP.

Sparklingbrook · 31/08/2018 09:06

I don't see any trolls. Have you reported?

Mrsramsayscat · 31/08/2018 09:11

HolyPieter you are rude.

marmiteloversunite · 31/08/2018 09:15

Have a talk with your DS and explain that his mum is going to find it hard when he leaves for uni. Try to get him to FaceTime or Skype as much as possible in the first few weeks to help your DW. After awhile he can do this less.

Also if you think your DW is slipping back into depression encourage her to go to the GP as it takes a few weeks for the meds to kick in.

Plan a weekend trip to the uni city so that she has something to look forward to.

Contact her friends so that they are aware and meet up with her more often for a coffee etc.

Originalsaltedpeanuts · 31/08/2018 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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