Your (early) teen's lifestyle?

[cakedup]

Ok so there was DS up until to the age of 12. Most holidays/weekends would revolve around him - playdates, parks, softplay, museums, farms etc. We were always busy. Then at home I would read to him, multiple books at a time and play board games.

And now I have 13 year old DS. He has outgrown parks, softplay etc. Museums are 'boring'. Lots of things are too childish. Or he just doesn't fancy it. He has even outgrown his previous hobbies (eg. archery). He doesn't read (dyslexic).

I do take him and a friend swimming sometimes. If we visit friends (where we are both friends with parents and the dc) then he will just usually end up gaming again. I'll take him to the cinema if I can afford it. And that's it really. HIs game of choice is Fortnite, so at least he socialises with friends through that. If I tell him to stop playing he'll just go to his room and watch youtube.

On one hand I think I should leave him to it. Although I do feel it's a shame that all he seems to prefer to do is play Fortnite. He has no interest in sport so come summer holidays it is difficult getting him to be active. Mind you, looking back to my early teen years - all I seemed to be doing is talking to my friends on the phone and hanging out in shopping centres. Not exactly enriching or active either!

This summer holiday seemed so different to previous ones where we would do loads of interesting things and always be out and about. I kind of feel guilty we haven't done much but then he hasn't wanted to.

Another thought: I work term time only which means I struggle financially and I think that could make a difference in terms of stuff we/he can do. I have the option of going completely full time which would make a huge difference financially but just didn't like the idea of him sitting all day gaming throughout the summer holidays! But it seems it's going that way anyway?!

I'd love to hear what others' experiences are - what does your teen get up to? Do you leave them to it?

Indeed! Ds is 14. He’s already told me he’s looking forward to going back to school. We did have an amazing family holiday, but since we’ve been back he hasn’t done that much. Seen friends a couple of times, but mainly socialised online and done a bit of his active hobby, but not much (weather dependent). He’s not interested in being taken out by us unless we’re seeing family friends who have kids his age. I think 13/14 is an age where kids are too old to be dragged around by parents (ie old enough to be left at home), but aren’t quite confident or organised enough to make a lot of arrangements with their friends. I think this is the first summer I haven’t been in touch with his friends’ parents to arrange anything (and he’s becoming friends with kids whose parents I don’t know at all). Dh will take him to cinema sometimes or we’ll go for a walk if he needs fresh air.

Fortnite seems so addictive. I am almost 13 yo and never played it, and all those posts make me feel happy for not playing it! It is even more difficult to find hobbies for dyslexic teens (I cannot live without reading!)! I am also very interested in science, I read about science, science magazines, books etc. I do astronomy (I have 2 pairs of binoculars and a telescope) and programming (I have an Arduino board and several things at home such as sensors and wheels, which I used to design, program and build a "robot" capable of doing several things such as avoiding obstacles) at home, and I am sort of an artist as well (I can play piano and flute and go to an art class).

Thanks JustDanceAddict you summed it up quite nicely there! I think this is a transitory period and I'm not sure what I'm meant to be doing! Situation sounds similar to yours which is reassuring.

Ds has talked all summer about meeting up with his friends but hasn't managed it and I don't know their parents to arrange it for him!

Milan05 well as much as I would love the thought of ds in his room fixing up robots I know that is never going to happen! He is more of a typically lazy slob teen where everything is either a hassle or just plain embarassing. Good for you though!! And you are absolutely right - it can be harder for someone who is profoundly dyslexic like ds I think.

Also Milan05 you are very lucky to have so many skills and talents, I'm sure you appreciate that. My ds - as lovely as he is, is dyspraxic as well as dyslexic, not sporty, not artistic and I wouldn't be able to afford any extra curricular classes anyway.

Can your DS help you cook/garden? From what you have said you already write him off as not being academic, so why don't you teach him some skills so when he hits 16 he can do a trade, take instruction?

My DS is 14. He spends the bulk of his free time on the PS4- mainly playing fortnite with his friends.

I don't mind, as long as he doesn't start alienating himself from other things. So currently he also loves going out on his bike with friends, playing rugby with his local team and going places (I.e cinema etc) with his friends. If he starts turning down stuff like that in favour of Fortnite then I'll intervene!

I find the idea of taking a 13 year old swimming or taking a 13 year old to the cinema quite odd - at this age surely they go by themselves with their friends? Even if you have to drive them there, or help with making arrangements, you don't actually accompany them, surely? I think most 13 year olds would be mortified by that.

I have a 12 and a 13 year old. With their friends they have gone shopping /gone to the cinema / gone to the local park / gone on bike rides / gone for a meal / gone swimming / gone ice skating / gone to the trampoline park, plus a whole lot of going to each other's houses, having sleepovers etc. With DH and I, they have gone on holiday (UK), plus a theme park trip. So the majority of their social life this holiday has been without us (apart from the lifts and the money!)

They have also spent a fair bit of time sleeping, reading, Netflixing and Xbox playing (incl Fortnight!)

The X-box def has a social element, but I'd be encouraging face to face contact with his friends too - heading out for bike rides, going swimming, sleepovers etc. It doesn't all have to be big arranged (and often costly) activities. Most of his activities will probably with his friends though, rather than you, at 13.

Hi, I have teenage sons. They would be online with friends 24 hours a day if they could. I think you need to look at the bigger picture - when your son is at home playing online with friends you know where he is. I would rather know where my sons are than have them running around at all times of the day or night - smoking, drinking, being a nuisance. That may sound a bit extreme but my eldest son has told me what some of the kids from his school do at the weekend and my jaw hit the floor. Mine will meet up with friends once a week to play football at the local park, meet at Subway etc for lunch or the occasional trip to the cinema or bowling. This is not as active as I would like but I've learnt to pick my battles. My point is that although you may not think he is getting out and interacting with people enough sometimes that is actually a good thing. Things could be so much worse.

Cakedup I am sorry for not being able to afford extracurricular classes. It is also difficult for us so I learned programmig and astronomy at home, mostly with the help of the Internet and my father (he is photographer and web designer), the art class is (mostly) free and a piano lesson is around £10 (here in Romania things are cheaper than in the UK).

*for you not being able to afford

Sounds pretty normal to me. My DS (also 13) is very similar. I, however, take the stance that I am not responsible for his social life. We had three weeks holiday and did fun things on it, other times he was bored and was online with his pals - fair enough. At home, we have plenty things he can organise and get to himself. I refuse to do a three hour round trip so he and some pals can bounce on a trampoline for an hour. I did take him and pals out for the day a couple of times but it involved being outside in this lovely summer we've had. It's cheap to go to a beach or a lake with a picnic, wetsuits and some boogie boards.

They are rewiring their brains at this age. They are changing. DS is much more into his Dad time than Mum time just now. I do intervene if he's indoors playing too much online - I'll then tell him to get outside with his mates and muck about. Now that they are back at school (we're in Scotland), I'm more strict about how much screen time he gets. I don't mind him being online but it does not take precedent over other stuff like after school clubs, homework etc.

It's much harder with him than DD who is 15. She never displayed much interest in online games though she would have a tendency to bingewatch stuff. She is very self motivated though and will get through all her stuff than needs to be done so I don't have to nag her to the same degree. DS seems all over the place, forgetful, illogical thinking etc. That's what drives me nuts - it's the constant having to remind him of stuff that I think he should be thinking for himself.

DS1 is 13. He has spent large amounts of time on Fortnite but talking to his friends and also messaging them on Snapchat.

He went away for a weeks watersports holiday with the school which we've been paying for over 18 months and we went away for a week last week.

Other than that he's been into our tiny town (We live very rurally) a couple of times with friends. We've been to London with my 7 year old as well. He's played footy in the garden with his little brother lots and been to footy training as normal. He also got the train with his friends earlier this week to the nearest city (about 30 mins away) to go bowling and have Mcdonalds!

DS2 has found it tough this year that DS1 doesn't want to be with him all the time (they are very close despite the age gap) but we have still done lots of things as a family.

loveisland he is a very fussy eater so just not into food enough to enjoy cooking! And I don't have a garden. Re learning skills, yes, at school he is a youth travel ambassador and recently did a bike fixing it course. When he is a bit older I'm hoping he will do the National Citizen Service and Duke of Edinburgh award.

mrsm43s I don't drive and he does not yet feel confident enough to use tubes and buses independently (being dyslexic really doesn't help). He did go to the cinema with a friend who knew the way quite recently for the first time and he took a direct train to a friend's house (1 hr journey - although I took him to the train station) so we're getting there.

MsMamaNature that really is a good point and it could definitely be worse. Many of his peer group are already smoking and shop lifting so at least I know where he is and he is safe.

Milan05 you are such an interesting person at such a young age. Such a wide range of hobbies! I love artistic activities myself but that hasn't been passed down to DS - he has never even once coloured in a colouring book!

They are rewiring their brains at this age. They are changing. DS is much more into his Dad time than Mum time just now. That is interesting paganmolloy . DS doesn't have a dad but he definitely seems to enjoy spending time with me less and less! Which is fine...I can perhaps get a bit of my life back! But he is still a bit dependent on me for the moment but I imagine that will change quite soon. DS seems all over the place, forgetful, illogical thinking etc. Sounds exactly like DS. Can I really go back to work during school holidays when he forgets to eat?

ihearttc as it's just me and DS, I think that makes the prospect of doing stuff with just me even more unappealing. Also, DS is a bit unusual in that he doesn't like football which is one hobby that can keep a lot of teens busy and active.

Please don't take this the wrong way op, parents set the example for teens and so far you have put ever such a lot of negative words on here, and have an excuse for everything. Change your attitude and outlook on life and it might rub off.

loveisland i'll bear it in mind but I'm talking about something very specific and have just a few words to get my specific point across. It won't give you a complete picture of how we live our lives. I'm actually known to be a positive person and I've always got positive comments about ds. If you're talking about the dyslexia than, again, you have a very small window into our world. I have been praised by ds' school for my approach. I have always fought for him to get support, even set up a dyslexic awareness campaign to highlight the positives of being dyslexic and although I've never used his dyslexia as an excuse, I am aware that it can be limiting. It's ok to say acknowledge there are things he struggles with. Normally when we talk about his dyslexia it's in reference to how good he is at problem solving.

loveisland actually I've just read back and cant find what you're referring to...where are the negative words?

My DS is 13, he no longer plays fortnite thankfully and rarely touches his playstation. He spends all his time on his scooter at the skate park, he's obsessed. At the moment he only needs me to provide food and have the odd chat. I'm happy with this because he's lost the weight he'd gained from gaming and is getting really fit. He's ASD by the way.

My 13yo DS is finally getting bored of Fortnite. It must be time to go back to school!

Does your DS do any sport? Mine has done athletics, tennis and climbing plus cycling (as a family) this summer. And today I've made him sort his bedroom out so that we can get rid of all the toys he doesn't play with any more.

Are there any activities at your local libraries? Ours does coding lessons for kids and at another one in our city there's free animation classes. There's also a bmx park with free bike hire.

He is a fussy eater work on what he does eat and expand it we don't have a garden someone in your family or live nearby would I don't drive can this be got around everyday he has no interest in sport what sort there's loads you just need a niche I have no money for extra activities so many things are free! He doesn't have a dad well that's a fact but the way you put it can come across wrong.

loveisland I would say you're the one with the negative perspective pulling those sentences out of context.

Don't be ridiculous. This isn't AIBU. Also if you read my original post I wasn't actually asking for ideas (although I do appreciate everyone taking the time to post) as I'm a pretty resourceful person. Ds is changing, I'm trying to keep up with these changes and I'm just having a general chat about it with others who have kids the same age.

When I was his age I also had no interest in sport, cooking, gardening, reading etc. All I wanted to do was talk to my friends about boys. I've recently completed a degree, now have a great career, go the gym, and have very rewarding hobbies. How is that not setting a good example?

Personally I wouldn’t leave them to it, many of my best memories of my teen years are things my parents forced me to join in with that I grumbled about all through at the time.

Fair enough ! @cakedup you sound like your a good role model by that account. I just felt the ideas you had been suggested you shot down too quick.