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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Where does 18 yr old go now?

16 replies

Thecountryhasgonecrazy · 28/08/2018 01:19

Not sure this is the best place to post but despite being an adult he's still a teen!
DS just got A-levels. Got what he deserved but not what he could have as didn't work. Have had years of working with teachers pushing him through GCSEs and A levels as he was a slacker. Didn't apply to uni as he hadn't a clue what he wanted to do in life which we said was fine-get out and work and see what floats your boat.
So now he has finally realised this is life! He is working temporarily in farming helping with harvest but that will end in a month and has been a bit hit and miss (as farming is so weather dependent) and not great pay. He already has built up debts of £810-for stupid things like a parking fine, lots of borrowing and rent he hasn't paid us yet (£50/wk which he will get back in the future-doesn't know that but needed to learn some responsibility about work and money). Should sort some of this out this week as pay is monthly. Was also planning on saving £50 a week but hasn't saved a penny. All spending has been on social life.
We are running a car for him plus paying phone contract so he is really getting it easy.
Have had to nag for him to get sorted for another job and FINALLY today the penny has dropped that shortly all his mates head off to uni/college and he has to find full time work. But he hasn't a clue what to do and many things suggested don't suit (and don't fit tbh-he is no cleaner, or chef, or sales person!). I do feel a bit sorry for him that he hasn't a clue but equally frustrated that he can't grasped that he had to wade through the dull, crappy jobs, low wage jobs until he finds his place. He seems to think the world owes him a well paid job despite the fact he is 18 with no experience of work or life and mediocre A levels. Or he needs to decide on FE later on although he had said he hated academia so seems unlikely. Armed forces crop up a lot as a suggestion but he doesn't want to go that route either. He is a stereotypical teen who is only motivated by specific sports but is not good enough for they to be a path to take.
Anyone any bright ideas or in/been in the same boat? Realistically he is facing this 3 years ahead of his mates as most of them have no clue about life but are stalling decisions by heading to uni. But it is a sorry state as he now blames this on poor A-levels and not working and I think is totally lost-although would be the same if his results had been good as he had no plans. Confused

OP posts:
NotTired · 28/08/2018 01:32

Could he look at an apprenticeship?

Original poster
Thecountryhasgonecrazy · 28/08/2018 01:47

Has briefly looked but nothing specifically interests him. Only thing he focuses on is ££ and of course he is deluded as 18 yr olds don't earn loads!

OP posts:
Teenageromance · 28/08/2018 01:51

Some volunteering as soon as the farming stops to keep him out there and maybe find something he enjoys doing? He may just have to go through the crappy jobs until he finds what he likes. Has he looked at Btecs and other FE qualifications that may be more suited/interesting for him. It’s hard - there used to be so many more openings for people like him when mass university education was not the norm and he could have tried a few things. Most people do want something to aim at so I imagine he doesn’t like being like this (although I totally see this is frustrating for you).

corythatwas · 28/08/2018 07:10

Our dd stayed at home for 2 years after A-levels, as the path she wanted to take is hugely competitive. Our rule was that she had to find a job to live at home. It was made very clear to her that this was not about making life interesting, or (necessarily) even about finding her future, it was simply a house rule. She did 2 years as a barrista and learned lots - about work, about her own competence, about people- that she will be able to use wherever she goes. By the end of her stint there, they were offering her training as a manager, but she got into the course she wanted, so declined.

Ds will be leaving Sixth Form at the end of this year, with modest qualifications, sounds very similar to your ds. He will be looking for some kind of practical apprenticeship: decorating, plumbing, that kind of thing. I wouldn't say he is incredibly excited about it, and I don't think he has any particular talent, but he does understand that this is part of the social contract: you do have to find something to do.

ProseccoPoppy · 28/08/2018 07:23

Has he enjoyed helping with harvest? Some of the agricultural universities are brilliant at providing other routes in to a practical degree for those whose a levels are poor or who don’t have traditional qualifications (with eg an extra foundation year). He could have a look at Harper Adams for example - www.harper-adams.ac.uk/courses/undergraduate/efdp.cfm

Harper is a decent name in the industry too so that could lead to some good job opportunities in the future. Many of the degrees include a placement year too so are pretty practical.

ProseccoPoppy · 28/08/2018 07:25

Also there are places available for this autumn through clearing for some of the foundation year courses...

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 28/08/2018 08:08

What about working or volunteering abroad? It could be a dull job but might be bearable in a new and interesting place. And travel is good for growing up.

specialsubject · 28/08/2018 12:23

not necessarily from what I've seen...

welcome to real life, kid. It is called work because it isnt fun, that is why they pay you. plenty of jobs about.

Mary19 · 28/08/2018 15:16

www.volunteerics.org
Sports coaching
Outdoor education
Work for PGL or similar
Join Merchant Navy
What sport is he into?

Teenageromance · 28/08/2018 16:09

Have a look at this website
www.workaway.info/hostlist-GB.html
You can choose where you want to go and for how long and you get board and lodgings and pocket money and some work experience.

Coyoacan · 28/08/2018 16:36

Why are you paying for his car and phone, OP? Surely those are privileges and rewards for hard work.

TeenTimesTwo · 29/08/2018 17:28

Our rule is the only non-acceptable option is to do nothing.

I would give him notice that from start Oct (so 1 month away) you will no longer be paying for phone, car, spends. You will give him free board & lodgings provided he helps out at home.

Once working you expect £50 / week plus you expect him to save e.g. 1/3rd of earnings.

Help him with his plans. What is he good at, what does he enjoy? Are there apprenticeships that are suitable? Even on minimum apprentice wage it is good money compared with getting nothing.

DD is a year into an apprenticeship, she has had free board from us, but paying for everything else herself, including running a car (we paid for first year insurance, she has just paid for the renewal).

tarheelbaby · 30/08/2018 21:39

plenty of good ideas on this thread. what about:

Airline steward/cabin crew
cruise ship crew (board included for months at a time)
classroom assistant/TA (whatever they call it in your LEA/county)

needsahouseboy · 30/08/2018 21:46

Armed forces??

Rach5ll · 30/08/2018 21:54

Train driver is the highest paid no skill needed job. They earn crazy amounts

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/08/2018 21:54

Who’s bringing up the ArmedForces OP? You or him?

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