Aggressive DS 13

[Hopeandglory3]

My son is 13 . His sisters are 10 and 12. He has become extremely aggressive and refuses to do anything I say. In fact he admits he actually chooses not to do things I ask specifically for his entertainment. Recently he has threatened to stab me and begged us to call the police which I did. He also called them at the same time. He told the police also that he was going to stab me. Of recent we have tried to reign in his going out as we are worried he is making the wrong choices ( playing chicken in the road, staying out on the streets all night when he had told us he was staying with a friend etc) anyway, after the police turned up they told him he couldn't just request to go in to care ( he did do this) and to us, said he was just being a silly boy. The police officer suggested putting a hammer through his phone! Background to all this is that he is totally addicted to the internet, stays up all night on his phone mostly on social media. He has been keeping us all awake and my DH and I both work, has been a nightmare. I have tried very hard to set rules about this, including turning the WiFi off at 10.30pm each night However, I have been constantly overruled by my husband who changed in to 11pm and then 12. I will also admit to have been moaning at the kids recently as I have vastly increased my working hours in the last 12 months and now run my own business. I am expecting the kids to do simple things like hang their coats and bags , pick their clothes up off the bathroom floor, close the kitchen cupboards after them, These are the things my son is blantantly goading me by not doing. For the last few days he has been staying with a friend and now he is refusing to come home because of me. My husband is telling me about some other mother who says she picks up plates from her son's room, closes the fridge he leaves open for him, doesn't expect him to lift a finger in the house. I feel like I am being pushed to back off him completely and not expect he to do anything. I really don't think this is the right approach. Please can you give honest advice on setting a time to be off devices at night and also whether it is reasonable to expect him and his sisters to pick up after themselves and do simple chores to help around the house.

I would remove all devices, not set off times, until he changes his attitude.
He want to behave like a neanderthal, fair enough, there was no internet/PS/pc at that time.
I tend to agree with the police's advice. There is no way to lighten an addiction. If he is addicted to his phone, take it away.

And - sorry - you also have an husband issue. You must be two on board for this to work. At 12am, a teenager should be sleeping not on social media

Has he been checked for adhd? A lot of his behaviour is raising flags for that. Talk to your GP and begin an assessment process. And yes all devices need to be removed during the week and maybe allowed at weekends but only for normal hours. Your dh is a fool.
But working 12 hours a day with 3 teens/ preteens isn't great unless your dh is a sahp. Children need care and attention and how can you have energy for that. 13 is a very vunerable age.

Yes the kids should be helping out.

Yes I would take the devices off him. Then give them back for short periods following good behaviour.

No devices in bedrooms after bed time.

Good luck.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. Having looked up the symptoms of ADHD, I do not consider that this is his problem. We have taken him to the GP for a referral to CAMS as instructed by social services whom we rang, desperate for help. Their only help offered has been to send us a leaflet about a criminal prevention youth service. Thank you again for all advice