Unwise makeover

[Mamabearx4]

Im at a loss

My sd is 14, lives with us full time, im her carer. Shes under chams due to mental health, and all the unfortunate effects thhat has on a person. Incredibly paitent with her, love her like my own, take her to appoinmemts, hospital. Anything she needs she gets. Everything is locked away at night to reduce risk.

Few weeks back she cut her own hair middle fo night, was calm and arranged emergency tidy up at hairdressers. Not that alot could be saved but it looked better. Well shes done ot again last night, came down smirking, and im afriad out of fusyration i lost it with jer, so im now the bad guy. Ive grounded her and she has to do chores, and ive told her im not sorting it this time ( i dont have the funds). She just does not undestand the consequences of her actions. Yes im grateful she didnt self harm although that was becuase blades were not sharp enough apprantly. Im unsure to contact cahms about it, or wether to just to let it go. Im thinking shes going to have to come sleep in oir room again, not that she sleeps anyway. Was a right to say im not fixing it this time or shouldi get it fixed. Shes not talking to me (i know normal teen) shes not fussed about her apperance, but has had bullying so worried that kids will mess about with her again.

It reads to me like she didn't get the reaction the first time so she did it again. And bingo.

I would be of the opinion that it's her hair and leave her alone with that tbh.

She totally understands the consequences of the action, she repeated it when she didn't get the attention she was seeking.

Last time she was happy i took her to get fixed. Shes more upset that ive grounded her. "Not like ive cut your hair" were her words. Im more upset that she got hold hold of scissors and she knows this. If shes happy bald i wouldnt care. As long as shes spoken to me and its done by someone not herself

you sound like a lovely mum.

For reasons that I don't understand some children (including my DS and possibly me!) smirk when they are very distressed and have done something we feel bad about. It always winds me up when DS does it (even though I'm sure I used to do it!) but I take a deep breath and remind myself a smirk really isn't an expression of defiance or a sign of not caring. Maybe DSD came down to you because she was feeling a bit out of control and ashamed of herself and was kind of wanting your help.

Hair is important to girls and other kids can be nasty about it but I don't see the point of punishing her for changing her own appearence. It's her hair and like you say it's a lot less harmful than cutting her body. Spoiling her own hair may be a way of punishing herself? Or a way of cutting something without actually harming herself - so actually a better thing to do? So I would not be acting too horrified by her appearence or rushing to make "emergency appointments" at the hairdresser but let her get her hair trimmed back into shape if she wants that - just a cheap trim not a whole fancy restyle - and if she wants something more fancy maybe she can do some chores to earn the cost?

Morw upset by the needing to harm. Ive calmed down now as has she. Its not salavagable in any way other then shaving all off. She is full of regret but nothing i csn do about it