Cultural Displacement?!

[miriamfeiss]

Hi! I'm at a loss and I don't know how to handle this. My husband's family is Bosnian, and he relocated to England during the Yugoslav war of the 1990s. His parents are still there in the capital, and while Bosnia is beautiful and has come a long way, it's still a bit of a mess in some respects. Suddenly our son (who is 16), who has shown hardly any interest in his Bosnian side whatsoever, expressed to me that he's been unhappy in England for years and wants to go back to Bosnia. I did notice a change when we got back from visiting last year (he was a little down, but he soon sprung up), but now he's telling me he feels Bosnian and in England he doesn't have a culture he feels at home in. He misses Bosnia and wants so desperately to go back--some advice please! In his own words, he described this feeling as "cultural displacement". Help!

he says he misses the music and the people and the warmth of Eastern European people--I know (as an Englishwoman) that we Brits aren't always the warmest but my parents would collapse if we moved to Bosnia. They didn't even want me marrying a non-Brit; they'd suffer even more if we moved. Advice!

Has he only ever been there on extended holidays?
if he is 16 I assume he's just completed his GCSEs and possibly going into 6 form next?
How about coming to an agreement that he could do a gap year in Bosnia at 18. he might find that over a longer period the grass isn't really greener.
However, he could love it and at that age will be old enough to make a life for himself in Bosnia.

I think expat's suggestion of a gap year after Sixth Form is genius. That will give him a chance to explore his identity without messing up his education.

I'm sure he would want to come back if he went for any extended period of time but it's very natural for him to identify as Bosnian! It's also completely nothing to do with your parents so their feelings really aren't relevant.
My DS is half not British and I would be thrilled if he wanted to go and stay there for a few months in his late teens, and would do my best to facilitate it.