Ds will ONLY wear designer clothes.

[newbie27]

I'm starting to really struggle now. Ds is 15 and will only wear expensive and designer clothing, his fave atm is Hugo boss. I only work part time and a single parent. His dad on the other hand works full time with a good laid job, he's always spoilt him rotten and now he refuses to wear anything without a name (even underwear!) he shouts at me all the time as he hardly has any clothes (he's got plenty) and says I never buy him anything and it's simply because I can't afford it but he doesn't care. He calls me all sorts of names, I blame it on his Dad as he's the exact same. It's really draining and I don't think it's just a phase. He bought 2 t shirts out of 100 poundlast time I have him some money.

Don’t bend to this.
I’d laugh at him and ignore him. Tell him to get a job, ask his dad or stop buying designer stuff.
I’d also point out it is vulgar bad taste (it is irrelavent if you agree with this but you need to get him to think differently about it!).

Op, just stop giving him money. Ignore the tantrums, put school uniform in his cupboard - m&s at best and a few t shirts & jeans from H&M. If he doesn’t like it he can go out and earn it. Ignore any tantrums, go and have a bath. I know it’s hard but tell him NO.
You are teaching your son that he’s entitled when he isn’t, heaven help him if he ever gets a credit card.

You need to get tough with him.
Give him an allowance every month and even a small contract type thing.
You give him x every month for clothes - entertainment, toiletries etc. that this has to include the designer school bags ( he saw you coming) etc.
And when it’s gone that’s it. No more. And when he come back refer him to the contract.

I had to do this with one of my dd’s who became designer obsessed. Amazing how quickly she grew a fondness for cheaper makeup and clothing

You sound completely defeated. Do you EVER discipline him? Because I'm seeing no mention of it.

You need to remember - and act as - you're the one in charge NOT him. That's actually more important than what he's wearing.

Dd went through a v short phase of trying this one (iirc it lasted 30 minutes!) because like fuck would she get away with it!

He's lazy and entitled and you know it.

At this point I'd be stopping all pocket money until he behaved appropriately and appreciatively. He needs to be home at X time to eat dinner or else it's reheated in the micro or he goes without - his choice.

He wants money to spend on eating out, socialising, fancy clothes? Then he gets a bloody job! No excuses!

Dd got her first job at 14 and has worked ever since. I gave her what pocket money I could afford (also a single mum) and it was her choice to either spend or save.

In the real world some can afford designer (which is rarely much better quality than high street, just with a coveted name/logo on) and many can't. He's MORE than old enough to learn that and deal with it. You are not doing him any favours if you don't teach him this ASAP.

Dd also had friends that tried the "but I'll get bullied" line on their parents - she told me some fell for it some didn't but that it wasn't true. Just the new "but everyone else has got one" cos they know parents fret about their kids being bullied.

I've never understood designer gear.
You pay 5 times the price for the privilege of advertising their brand name on your body.
Surely they should be paying the wearer?

@BruceAndNosh but the vast majority of designer fashion doesn’t have the logo/name on it. The same could be said of River Island, Gap and Next. Most items aren’t logoed, though some are. Though clearly those who wear a label do so to signify to others that they shop in a certain store, and belong to a particular tribe.

My DD (13) was constantly badgering me to buy her more clothes as her allowance always "disappeared" as well, but we had a great tip from another parent (of 3 girls).

We stopped the allowance and set up a bi-weekly chores rota instead. She has certain daily and weekly chores to complete and receives a set amount for each chore e.g., ₤3 for cleaning up the kitchen after dinner every evening. If she doesn't do it well, she won't get the full amount for that day. We have a two-week schedule stuck on the fridge and tick off the chores as she completes them.

We pay her every two weeks and she has to buy all her non-essential clothes and any make-up out of that money. We cover basics like underwear, schools uniforms, sports kits, coats, shoes, a few seasonal items, etc. Any "fashion" buys are up to her. She recently bought a artfully-ripped top that looks ridiculous - but it's her money!

Now she's realised that money has to be earned, she's been doing odd jobs for neighbours over the summer and making more considered choices, e.g. she'd like to upgrade her phone, but also wants X and Y- so she's put some aside cash for a phone fund and will slowly save up.

She didn't like it at first, but now she enjoys the freedom of not having to ask for things.

As soon as ds turned 15 we sent him down the mine. (Well, we didn’t, but we paid for a lifeguard course and standard first aid, and he got a job at the pool). He’s 16 now and has been buying his own clothes since he got the job. He earns the money, he can choose where to spend it. Having to earn your own spends is a great way to gain money management and budgeting experience, and dilute some of the general entitlement that can set in during the mid-teens....

I would say no, steer away from the conversation and ignore him. More responsive you are the more he will play up. Also if it's not the clothing it would be something else. He needs to hear NO loud and clear and your discussions are over

He’s 15, time he got a job. When is he 16? Tell him to stop acting like a spoiled toddler

I would do three things.

Stop giving in to him for peace. While your giving in he knows if he shoutdenough he will get his own way. Hold firm. Expect him to really push it but eventually he will understand.

Secondly talk to his school pastoral team. Explain what’s happening and his behaviour at home. Explain he is abusive towards you and why. Also tell his dad what’s going on.

Continue to suggest he gets a job. Explain that maintenance is towards the bills rent and cheap clothes. No money for designer

He can work two hours a day every day with the exception of Saturday where he can work 8

Yes maybe make him earn his cash even if it’s for good behaviour and chores

Perhaps a little history lesson for him? Is he aware of the fact that Hugo Boss supplied Nazi uniforms during WWII for example? And that their manufacturing employed 140+ forced labourers during the war to do so?

You hold the purse strings and you don’t have to pay for this. If he wants designer kit he can get himself a job.

I have a 15 year old dd and trust me your son is being ridiculous- most of dds friends wear new look and primark! I’d just laugh and tell him well that’s all we can afford and that’s that. £40 a month allowance to spend on “stuff” is more than a lot of adults get! If he wants more he should get a job.

he is very easy to laugh at, what a sheep-like saddo. the life lessons are that peer pressure is for fools and brands even more so. any chance of real hobbies and less dickish friends?

throwing tantrums didnt work when he was a toddler (I hope) and should not work now. give him only the money you can afford for him to piss away.

I always tell him to get a job but his excuse is "it's bad pay at my age and I can only work weekends", he will never work as he enjoys his social life too much on the weekends.

Time for a life lesson. If you want expensive things, earn them. It’s all very well having expensive tastes (DP has expensive tastes but he works bloody hard and provides for the kids and pays the bills before he indulges them), but unless he works he can’t have them.

It really is that simple OP, and I don’t give a shit what anyone says, shouting at you and treating you that way is appalling.

I agree with a PP: is your son living in the 1990s?

DS is 15 and refuses to buy anything designer/with an obvious logo on it because it looks so naff. Your DS needs to (a) start earning his own money and (b) develop an individual style of his own rather than following the herd.

There wasn’t a NMW when I started working at his age. I got £12 for a 12 hour shift!

Send him to live with his father, it sounds like they suit each other.

My brother was like this but without the tantrums. At Christmas & birthdays mum gave us both a set amount & I bought an entire wardrobe but brother bought one shirt.

I agree give him a clothes allowance. I’ve just been reviewing Dds pocket money (she’s 16) & came up with some guidelines of what children in care are given. A 15 year old would basically get approx £9 per week pocket money £10 per month for personal toiletries (£13 for girls) & a clothes allowance for those who need to develop budgeting skills of £45 per month.

It’s his choice to be away from home at meal times. My rule is that if I need the Dc to travel somewhere eg to school or to an activity eg dance class I pay bus/train fayre. I also give her £3 meal money if they have to be out at a mealtime (at school it’s put on their meal account, if they are doing a summer school I provide a packed lunch or give them money. If they choose to eat out whilst socialising, it comes from their pocket money.

I'd sit him down and write down all of my incomings and outgoings with him. Explain that you can't afford to buy things for yourself and when you do treat him, it's at expense to x, y and z. He doesn't understand the value of money and is behaving like a spoilt brat.