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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

To get involved in DS16's relationship?

6 replies

activemumma · 07/08/2018 17:37

Brief backstory - I have a 16y/o DS who has a long term GF who is lovely, spends a lot of time at our house, has been away with us etc etc. I am really fond of her and they are a good couple (IMO).

DS left his phone on the table last night when he went for a shower and he was getting lots of messages. I did the unthinkable and picked his phone up and had a look! It seems he has been messaging another girl, scrolled back and he has been flirting/sexting and sending underwear pics. I can't believe it - feel horrendous that my son would behave like this and what have we raised(!).

However, he is only 16 so I must remember he is not a married man or anything but still really upset and disappointed, however DS does not know I have looked at his phone and would be really upset. However it's been bugging me every since and I feel awful for his GF. So question is, do I come clean and speak to him about his actions or keep quiet and allow this to continue!

OP posts:
Aprilshowersinaugust · 07/08/2018 17:43

How about ask him if he is happy in his relationship?
Suggest it must be hard being comitted at such a young age, being faithful etc, let him know your personal boundaries regarding cheating /blurred lines etc. Give him things to think about.

user1467232073 · 07/08/2018 17:43

How long have they been together? Is it worth speaking to him generally about relationships ie ending it if he doesn’t want to be exclusive?

Cherubfish · 07/08/2018 17:49

Personally I would have to say something. As your DS is still young, does he know that you might look at his phone if you think he's doing anything inappropriate? (Mine does - he's only 12 though.) Especially if you pay for it.

Bear in mind that sending the pics is actually illegal as he's under 18 (even though they're of himself) - see info from Childline below. The girl's parents could call the police if they found out.

www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/sexting/#issextingillegal-Sexting

BonnieLass5 · 07/08/2018 17:54

I wouldn’t let him know you’ve been on his phone and seen the texts. I would ask him how he is and if everything is going well with GF. Do you have a good relationship? Try spending more time with him, bonding and see if he confides in you. Also, drop some comments about how you hate cheating and how wrong it is (like when you’re watching TV or tell your DP some made-up story about someone cheating).

BonnieLass5 · 07/08/2018 17:56

The telling your DP a made up story thing, I mean when your DS is present, tell DP/a friend about ‘Sandra at work who cheated on her husband. It’s so wrong and cruel’.

Northernparent68 · 07/08/2018 18:00

Looking at his phone was an appalling breach of trust, and to be that involved in his sex life is a bit unhealthy on your part.

If he founds out he is likely never to forgive you.

I would not say anything, asking him if he’s happy, making up stories about cheating are not very subtle. He is likely to guess you’ve snooped.

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