DD's relationship causing stress!

[Changeissometimesgood]

DD (16) is in a full on relationship with a girl just over a year older. They are constantly in contact - literally constant - and are spending as much of the summer together as they can, mainly at her mum's. They have spent single nights here at our house and when I speak to her DP she seems nice but she does have trouble interacting with us.

The tension is caused because her DP had a habit of ruining DDs occasions I.e. she completely ruined her prom night by telling her she was going to cheat on her, so all of the preparation and cost that went into her prom was for nothing. This was the biggie for us. DH is finding out how bad this really was and is fuming - as am I. So this is still stewing with us, and DH is annoyed that her DP comes here and just goes up to DDs room without speaking to him. She comes across as arrogant but I'm not sure.

DD is also spending all her money on being with her DP and I'm scared this will continue.

We don't say much to DD. We leave her to continue but now I'm wondering if we should put our foot down and tell her what bothers us. I should say she knows that I'm mad about the prom.

Everything is just so intense. They are planning a foreign holiday together - which raises another point - this is coming out of the allowance given to her for clothes and supplies for 6th form. Could we remove this if she isn't spending it how we thought she could?

Honestly you are the parent and your DD is your child living under your roof which means you do need to put your foot down. You shouldn't be worried about confronting DD on her behaviour, as a parent you should be guiding her and discussing the choices she's making. At that age, love feels like it's forever and she probably won't take notice of anything you say but as a parent i think it's important to let your children know how you feel about their actions, so when it all comes crashing down they will think 'hmm mum and as right all along'

If that was my daughter's DP I would have gone absolutely mental at her (the DP) for ruining her prom night like that. She's abusive. Your daughter is 16 and wasting her young precious years in an abusive relationship

Thank you both. I know what you have both put is correct - sadrobot I know that if I was posting this as DD in relationships it would be a definite LTB!

I guess we've both fought against saying anything so as not to risk pushing her further into it. She will be attending the same college as her soon, so they will see each other quite alot and I'm hoping this will mark the end.

I think we'll have a discussion about finances when she comes home and tell her that she needs to get a job and earn money for holidays and it's not to come from her allowance.

I think perhaps DP doesn't speak much because she knows how mad I am about the prom. I'm sure DD tells her everything.

My sister was in a relationship exactly how you're describing your daughters. It was the summer before my sister started university and luckily when she went there she met a whole new load of people and ditched the dodgy DP. so hopefully will be the same for your daughter when she starts college!

I REALLY hope so sadrobot! Thank you for that! I suppose I would like to avoid her remembering us as being negative and blocking of her life if it's going to come to an end anyway. We really have been just biding our time.

I would be having words directly with the DP, such as "When you come to someone es house it's polite to acknowledge them" In fact I'd be saying a lot more to the DP too.

Re the money, it might be an idea to buy things for your DD at the moment rather than give an allowance. I'd still give an allowance, but a much smaller one and pay for clothes directly. I had to do this with DS because he won't spend money....it would just sit in the bank and he'd walk around in too small rags and only ever use one black Biro. That way she won't be able to book a holiday she's too young to go on anyway (IMO)

Thank you Lynette - we'll have a family discussion about this.

I think if DP knew we were going to speak to her she'd avoid us like the plague! So that's another option!