AIBU not to let my teenage daughter listen to explicit music where the N word is used and words that say lick this and lick that !

[Jamontoast123]

So Would really appreciate all your opinions !
Dh has cancelled her Spotify account .
I just don’t want that sort of music played where I or others can hear it .
I would rather she did not listen to this sort of music but - hope she will realise that it’s rubbish by herself at some point .
Opinions please 🤕
Just think it’s a generation thing .
But also think much of it is soooo derogatory to women

Shock as Mother Disapproves of Teenage Daughter's Taste in Music!

YABU OP.

It's music, not hard porn.

If you ban it you're going to get yourself a cod-urban yardie who goes out being rebellious and consuming god knows whst, the minute your back is turned... I should know

Depends.

13 and you're paying? Sure.
17 and it's coming out of her wages or pocket money? She should be allowed to listen to what she's like but have headphones on so you don't have to hear it.

So you cancelled her account just because you could hear that music? Did you ask her not to play it unless she had earphones?
If not then YABU but if you asked politely and she ignored you then YANBU

Best of luck OP

She will find a way to listen to what she likes.

Spotify also has a free app.

youtube on any device with a internet connection

The best you can do is talk to her and explain why you don't like it.

But if it's spotify, cancelling her account won't make her not listen to it. She'll just create a free account and just listen to the same music but just with the occasional advert.

YABU whether she’s 13 or older. She can make choices. Maybe bad ones but it’s all part of growing up.

Pick your battles. There will be a lot bigger ones than this.

I agree with you .
Dh just does not want her to listen to it at all. Head phones included
I honestly don’t think u can control that .

Headphones are the answer so you don't have to listen to it.
Been there done that. It's shit music.

She will carry on regardless and you cannot really influence her taste in music no matter how offensive you find it !

You can turn off explicit lyrics in the settings, how old is she?

Dd is 15

I grew up listening to music like that from the age of 11 and still listen to it, hasn’t done me any harm 🤷🏻‍♀️. I have a Masters degree in biology, no criminal record and no teen pregnancy - not sure what’s you think is going to happen to her but I assume it’s along the lines of that.

Wasn’t there a funny thread s while back exposing some songs from the past as actually being quite racey. Only remember summer of 69 not being about the year! Op you started a battle you can’t win - shouldn’t had a chat about the lyrics that you found offensive and explained why and let your dd choose and listen through headphones. My dd is very anti swearing yet she listens to songs with some very dodgy lyrics, so she’ll be telling me off for saying “shit” whilst the stuff coming from her music stream is really obscene.

20 years ago it would have been my mother writing this! Only it was punk and rock she hated.

One morning when I was being particularly rebellious bratty I played Anarchy in the U.K. as her friends were coming over for a prayer meeting.

Music is music, the more you try and censor it, the more she’ll find it elsewhere.

I absolutely agree with you op about the music and feel the same way, but rather than outright banning, I would talk to your dd about why the language is racist and derogatory to women and keep talking to her about it calmly and challenging the lyrics, every time you hear it.

A while back my daughter and a friend were dancing to
"In the summertime" by Mungo Jerry on the Let's Dance game/computer thing.

Thought it was all fairly innocent, great nostalgic tune etc but then was a bit "what?" when the lyrics cropped up on screen.

"If her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal,
If her Daddy's poor, just do what you feel."

After her friends had gone DD and I spoke about it. Just using this example to show this is an age old problem and in some ways things are better now (in terms of their being more strong female artists than there were previously).

But I agree with you that the mysogny needs to be challenged constantly.

At 15 she's a bit old to be controlling what she listens to. Have a chat to her.

My DD was playing music in my car, I wasn't paying much attention until the line "she just can't get enough of my meat" ..... DD looks at me sideways "they're talking about a roast dinner mum" 😂😂. She really thinks I know nothing!

Get a life, OP.

Also, Spotify has an explicit language filter, but at 15, you'd be quite sad to use it.

Surely she'll just be listening to it on YouTube now instead

Major overreaction from both of you! Your child is 15 and old enough to realise they are just words in a song. Plenty of people young and old listen to songs with swear words and stupid worded lyrics and they turned out just fine.

You'll be saying she can't wear makeup next or anything showing to much leg or cleavage!

I’m with you OP. I absolutely dispair that parents don’t get more upset by the nasty, sexist lyrics, and don’t get me started on the music videos. If she’s old enough to pay for her own account then she can listen through headphones. More important to let her know WHY it’s a problem.

Alot of this kind of music - rap, drill, grime etc is very violent. Some of it openly encourages violence and sexual debasement. Drill is directly related to violence and death. Alot of the liberals on here mocking you for your values are despicable, both for the contempt they show for your deep and understandable concern for how this affects your daughter and the society she lives in, and their airy-fairy rejection of anything that is an obstacle to 'teenage freedom'. Clearly you are concerned, and you have every right to be, OP. Also, comparing it with the 60s/70s with rebelling against parents is ridiculous. Mungo Jerry's lyrics are about working class freedom to do what you like In The Summertime - not oral sex or stabbing someone to death for fun.
Acceptance of everything without discrimination or moral censure or any taboos whatsoever, just extreme individualism (I'll do whatever I want no matter what the impact on others) means a race to the bottom, and we are, lets face it, well on the way. MN posters who want to sound cool always argue for total freedom to do and wear and be who you and what you want, but remember OP you don't know who these posters are - they could be a complete mess in their personal lives, as thick as two short planks and couldn't look after a hamster if you paid them.

I am sure I'll get a lot of flak for this view but I really don't care. I'm sick of coming on MN and seeing people tell parents they're shit parents and old fuddy duddies because they are concerned and don't want their kids drinking, taking drugs and having underage sex.

Anyway, back to the specific question, OP. If I were you I would:

1. chat to her about your objections. she may well disagree, but it doesn't matter, you have expressed your concerns. and hopefully, at least in some way, she will take note.

1. this is a bit more active. I would tell her she can't listen to that music in the house where you or anyone else can here it in any way. of course you can't stop her listening to it outside, but you can "ban" it from earshot in your own home.

good luck. i've been there.

historyworks, your advice was pretty much the same as everyone else’s.

Thank you !

Appreciate what you have all said !
I know all I can do is advise her educate her and ban it from my ear shot and my younger ds .
And At some point hope she will change her taste in music .

Headphones definitely the way forward, and if she thinks she is old enough to hear it then she also needs to hear (calmly) the reasons why you don't like it - so, explain why, and maybe she'll see that its not so great after all. For my part I used to listen to a lot of Snoop Dogg and it's only now that I think, god, those lyrics are really gross and embarrassing!

Dd 12 loves music and Spotify but we are both shocked by the amount of swearing. I'm sure it wasn't that bad 25 years ago! I don't make too much of a fuss and she listens with headphones. She very sweetly spends time looking for non explicit versions if she plays it in the car