Helping a teen deal with devastating news

[hungryants]

My DD 14 has just learnt her best, closest friend of years is in hospital with sudden onset illness which has caused her antibodies to attack her brain. She is in a critical state and has lost her motor functions. We are unclear of her prognosis short and long term. How can I help my DD understand and come to terms with what is happening and best support her through this ? Visitors aren't allowed and the family don't want everyone to know which makes it hard for my DD to share how she's feeling with her other friends.

Depends on your daughter. Is she the kind that needs to talk about her feelings? Is she the kind who would feel any better if you researched the condition with her? Some people cope better armed with knowledge.

You (and her) need to accept that emotional pain will be inevitable and she needs to let herself feel that pain rather than ignoring it. If she is creative, how about helping her make something for her friend? Or her friends family? She could write a letter to her friend about how much she loves her and you could give it to her parents or burn it and “set it free”. It’s so hard when she isn’t allowed to visit, it might be helpful to do something symbolic.

So so hard, your poor daughter and friend.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I did a bit of research and learnt that it's best to be as truthful as possible so I've explained what's happening to DD as clearly as I can but avoided too much detail. She spent today making a card from some of their together photos, which breaks my heart because just two weeks ago she was in perfect health. She's now recording their favorite songs onto a USB key in the hope that her friend can hear. If she pulls through the recuperation will be long at least a year in hospital :(