Sorry this is so long.
In Jan, I discovered via a friend that 17yo DD had told her DD that she was self harming (and had been for two years). We went through our private health insurance. She saw a child psychiatrist in a short appointment, who diagnosed anxiety and depression, with fleeting suicidal ideation. She’s been seeing a psychotherapist in term time. The psychotherapist said DD will be fine over the summer with no appointments. She also said that DD was at risk of anorexia, as she had the classic profile.
We’ve seen no evidence of self harming, or in fact anxiety and depression. She is high achieving, and likes to be in charge. She never seems anxious or depressed. She’s always convinced she’s right about everything. She was fine with the psychotherapist seeing us, and telling us stuff, but couldn't talk to us herself.
Anyway, as well as self harm, I’m now worried about anorexia. She eats in front of us, and stays downstairs, so isn’t making herself sick. She is about 5ft6, and weighs only around 7.5 stone, but is a slight build and still has regular periods.
However, she hasn’t eaten breakfast, at least since around Feb, and concocted an elaborate scheme, with very convincing lying, to make us think that she was. I pointed out she was just about an adult, so she didn’t need to lie about it, so she just doesn’t have breakfast now.
She started work experience last Fri. I gave her £5 to get lunch, and she said she’d got sushi, with a long convincing lie about how good it had been. But I happened to notice she still had the money, and was hungry when she came home.
Yesterday, I gave her £5, and she gave a detailed account of what the Tesco near work was like, to throw me off the scent. However, now I was suspicious, I checked and discovered she’d only spent £1 and eaten 50g of a 100g bar of choc at lunchtime.
I need advice as to what to do now. If she eats ok in front of us, would it do more harm than good to tackle her about it? She absolutely won’t talk to us about anything, and if I try, she gives me the silent treatment, but hugs DH (her dad). She’s lovely, but quite manipulative really. Perhaps she wasn’t eating school lunch either, although she did buy it.