Dd 16 feels I treat her like a child

[Confusedmummy2017]

Help I grew up with a very uncaring mother and I care very much about my kids. My Dd will be 17 in October and says I treat her like a kud and don't let her do anything.

She asked to go to France for a wkend with her boyfriend in Nov I said no. The by friend is bad news o tolerate him because I don't want to loose her but he has been involved in gangs and drugs apparently not now but I'm not convinced.

Does this sound like I'm being too harsh?

She said to me that I say she's responsible enough to look after her brother 8 but not to go to France!

I'm a single parent and sonetimes question whose right.
Thank you

Definitely not too harsh!

She isn't mature enough and your instincts are correct. This isn't just about age.

There is noway I would let my 16 year old daughter go to France with a boyfriend. Def not too harsh.

She IS still a child until she turns 18 and if you don't want her going abroad with her boyfriend, fair enough, you're the parent. She can do as she pleases when she's an adult.

It's not comparable to babysitting her brother (presumably at home) in a familiar environment.

Teens always say you treat them like babies when they want to get their own way and make you feel guilty. So hang tight. Just say l'm sorry you feel like that but l'm not happy with that plan about France. And keep saying it. I remember at that ahe trying to manipulate my dm to do sometthing ..well lots of things..but looking back l have nothing but respect for her that she cared enough not to give in. Also l had a friend whose parents just let her do what she wanted at that age and l distinctly remember thinking they must hate her. Its the tough part of parenting but keep saying no!

Your instincts about France with the BF sound spot on!

I wonder though, given she has said:

She said to me that I say she's responsible enough to look after her brother 8 but not to go to France!

Does she feel (rightly or wrongly) that your assessment of her level of responsibility/trustworthiness correlates with how useful it is for you? It may be worth a clarifying chat, especially if her babysitting isn't freely offered and is instead expected by you as 'part of being a family'.

She could easily just be being a typical teenager though (most likely).

That's a good point, Andro. Looking after a younger sibling is a big responsibility and it might be worth a chat about gradually doing things independently. She'll be 18 in just 15 months, but that can seem a lifetime to a teenager!

It's so tricky!