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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

WWYD -DD worrying about her weight

8 replies

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 30/07/2018 16:29

I'd appreciate some opinions on this - not sure if I should contact the doctor right now or monitor the situation.

DD(13) has been always well-covered.. rather than skinny. She's also tall and v. strong - she can easily pick me up!

Over the last year, she gained quite a bit of weight, as well as developing a lot (started periods, much larger bust) and is slightly larger than most of her friends - but not exactly overweight IYSWIM. I knew she was a bit upset about it, but she's played on sports teams all year and I think her height will eventually catch up with the weight gain.

Then yesterday DS had a friend over and they started messing on the family iPad and changed DD's username to "fat and ugly"...DS's friend also has older sisters and I think they were egging each other on.

DH then took the boys to the park and DD had a turn on the iPad...she saw the username and came downstairs in floods of tears. She told me that she's been more upset about her weight gain than she let on, stopped eating lunch properly at school for a while (they use a charge card so I knew she was ordering meals, but apparently she was throwing most of it away) and had thought about making herself sick. Shock Thankfully, she didn't do that, as she knows a girl irl who has an eating disorder and she didn't want to end up in that situation.

We talked it through and I explained that her body is going through major changes right now and her weight will probably stabilise in the next few years. She's definitely eating now but I obviously need to keep a close eye on her. Her brother was in a lot of trouble yesterday....

Has anyone else experienced this with their teen? How did you handle it? Thx.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 30/07/2018 17:50

what a little shit, and so are his nasty sisters.

tell your son that this ugly little bastard is not welcome in your house until a genuine apology for bullying is received. any mileage in telling the parents or has the apple not.fallen far from the tree?

best wishes to your daughter and I assure her that what goes around comes around.

specialsubject · 30/07/2018 17:51

and glad to see you are giving your son what he deserves. Disgusting behaviour.

Original poster
AmICrazyorWhat2 · 30/07/2018 19:19

Sorry, I didn't phase that well. Both boys HAVE teenage sisters, but the sisters weren't involved in the name-calling. I think the boys were encouraging each other to change the DD's username because they both find their sisters annoying sometimes (I've heard them talking about it).

My real question though is whether DD's behaviour towards food over recent months suggests she's heading for an eating disorder and I should talk to the doctor now - or should I monitor her for a bit longer?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 30/07/2018 19:24

Some advice from my experience with my daughter, OP. She wanted to lose weight when she was in her teens. She was too young to go to a gym (you have to be 16 round here) and I bought her a treadmill on condition she didn't do more than one hour per day. Within a year she was really happy with her weight and she felt great because she'd pound that treadmill and get any angst out of her system. I would've preferred her to run outdoors but she was shy and when she ran her face would go scarlet, so she wouldn't.

Then at university she had a bit of a problem with depression. She got into yoga and honestly, since then she hasn't had a problem with depression or weight or body image. It's been absolutely fantastic. She eats what she wants (as in if she wants chocolate, she'll have it) but she enjoys eating food that's good for her. She's lean, too - it's completely changed her figure. The best thing, though, is that she's happy and never gives her body a second thought.

If I were your daughter, I'd go down the yoga route - it's so good for you, mentally and physically. It's a nice cultish thing, too, where people who do it have something in common.

upsideup · 30/07/2018 20:52

I suffered from anorexia for 15 years through my teens and early 20s and from experiance theres no way I would be taking my DC to the doctors at this point as I think it could do more harm than good, she sounds as if she has low self esteem/poor body image rather than an eating disorder. The best thing you can do is monitor (discretely) and support her at home to make sure her feelings and behaviours don't get out of controll and lead one. There is nothing wrong with helping her to eat healthier or start exercising more as long as the focus is on being healthier and stronger rather than loosing weight or being skinny.
How old is DS? His friend wouldnt be comming round my house again.

Original poster
AmICrazyorWhat2 · 31/07/2018 01:38

Thanks for the replies, def. some good advice. DD is a fairly confident and outgoing personality so I think she just needs to figure out how to feel better about her body type - yoga is a great suggestion, I always associated it just with relaxation/destressing.

The weird thing is that both DS (10) and his friend (11) are usually nice kids, kind to friends, etc. I don't know what got into them.

OP posts:
Blondie1984 · 31/07/2018 01:45

Buy her a book by a lady called Megan Crabbe

Original poster
AmICrazyorWhat2 · 31/07/2018 14:49

Just googled her - thanks! Middle-aged Mum had no idea who she was, of course Smile DD's probably heard of her.

OP posts:
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