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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS friends live at my house!

24 replies

hellomagpie · 28/07/2018 19:05

Have always been quite a relaxed parent and let kids have their friends over, but am wondering if I should be saying something to DS as we have had one week of summer and his friends seem to have moved in!

Not sure whether to say nothing as at least they are at my house/in my garden but it does feel very crowded with constant shoes in my hallway/xbox being used/food everywhere/kids in my garden.

Is this normal and should I say something or just leave him to it - not sure where they would go otherwise!

OP posts:

ThinkingCat · 28/07/2018 19:15

It depends whether you can cope with it or not? Can you get them all to help you with a project eg gardening in exchange for snacks etc?

HollowTalk · 28/07/2018 19:19

Are they nice kids? Does it give you more freedom when they're there?

You shouldn't be paying for all the food for everything, though. I'm not sure how you can get around that, though!

Sinkingswimmer · 28/07/2018 19:21

Can he go to their houses sometimes instead? Otherwise the kids (and their parents) will assume you're ok with it and keep on coming round

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 28/07/2018 19:25

I think it's okay to tell your kids you want the house to yourselves a bit. Your teens should ask, esp if they are staying over/you are expected to feed them all. It gets expensive. Yes, it's their home, but it's yours too!

Original poster

hellomagpie · 28/07/2018 19:26

They seem like nice kids - but he has loads of mates and I don’t know all of them very well. Some days he has about 15 of them over!
Just wondering if I’m being a bit of a pushover parent by just allowing this to happen all the time or if this is normal and I should carry on!
I can cope with it - but I am thinking it might get tiresome over the 6 weeks.
Getting them to do jobs is a great idea, thanks!

OP posts:

Ihuntmonsters · 28/07/2018 19:28

Better to have a discussion now when you are still relatively relaxed than wait until you are really feeling put upon. We are pretty relaxed parents and have always liked having dd's friends over but expect her to ask before they arrive or if they are staying for an evening meal or overnight so we at least get the option to say no. One way we found got rid of over staying kids was to cook an evening meal we knew they wouldn't like, but that probably only worked as we all sit together for our evening meals. I'd also expect children who stay for longer to help out and follow basic house rules, so would have no qualms about telling them to tidy up, keep the volume down, only eat food in allowed areas etc.

avocadoincident · 28/07/2018 19:30

My daughter always preferred to go to other people's houses. Try and take it as a compliment that he's happy and comfortable to have you around his friends. (And at least you know what they are up to). 6 weeks is nothing and you won't have many more summers left with your child before he is a grown up.

Ihuntmonsters · 28/07/2018 19:31

15 is too many! That's a party in my mind, in our old house we could have fit that many without falling over each other, our current place would be bursting at the seams. I really think you need to have a chat to your son about this and find a happy medium. It's great to be the place to hang out (I love meeting my children's friends) but you don't want your hospitality totally taken for granted.

Livinglavidal0ca · 28/07/2018 19:35

When I was a about 13/14 there was twin boys in my year and they lived right next to a huge pavilion we used to play in. Their house was HUGE and we all used to go over there regularly, their parents were amazing and really relaxed and kind and used to make us pizza and chips etc, however, we had to have mass clean ups and load the dishwasher, tidy the garden, hoover the lounge we were in etc. No one minded we all just clubbed together and it was hilarious all of us trying to use the hoover and mop they used to just leave us to it and say well cook your lunch whilst you watch a movie if you stack the dishwasher. Possibly a good compromise!

Thedutchwife · 28/07/2018 19:37

15 is way too many!

Cut it right back and have days/nights when no one is allowed

Undies1990 · 28/07/2018 19:37

I'd take it a compliment! I love coming home to find loads of teens in my house. Yes, set some boundaries about food and drinks otherwise you could be taken advantage of. Mine used to all go to the supermarket together and buy their own food for the day.

Make the most of it because they'll all be gone in a year or so and you'll have an empty house!

justforthisnow · 28/07/2018 19:39

15 is totally pulling the piss, between 4-8 limit here. Food alone!
Is it being reciprocated?

sparklepops123 · 28/07/2018 19:47

15 ?! Not a chance

SciFiFan2015 · 28/07/2018 20:10

I'd rather have 15 friends round at our house and know what's happening than to never see my DS or DD! It's a good thing but might get expensive, maybe all the kids could chip in a £10 a week for food and drink. Oh and a rota for tidying up!

DramaAlpaca · 28/07/2018 20:16

Our house was the place DS1 and his friends always congregated. It was nice because I like teenagers and we got to know them, and it felt like a compliment that he was happy to bring them home, but I did put my foot down sometimes and say they had to go somewhere else for a change. I also put my foot down about them eating all the food in the house because that's not on. Fifteen friends at once is definitely a bit much, DS's maximum at one time was about eight.

Yogagirl123 · 28/07/2018 20:19

I would take it as a massive compliment OP, I am quite relaxed, but 15 would be pushing it!

Original poster

hellomagpie · 28/07/2018 20:21

Thanks for all the advice. 15 is an upper limit, I would say it is usually less than 10, there are several ‘regulars’ and then occasionally some extras!
I do like that he uses our house because he feels comfortable, also they don’t eat all our food, they tend to bring over loads of crap they have got from the supermarket! Definitely going to make sure they all clean up before they go, load the dishwasher, and might actually give them some chores to do in the garden.
I think I agree though that I should make the most of it for now as this won’t last much longer. DD is not the same and has always spent more time out of the house or only a couple of friends over (and would always ask) but maybe that’s just girls for you! I don’t even think DS thinks about it, friends just text and then he lets them all over!

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 28/07/2018 20:25

Yes, do make the most of it & enjoy it while it lasts. DS1 has left home now & I miss those days.

HonkyWonkWoman · 28/07/2018 20:31

I think that it's really nice that your Ds feels able to invite his friends round to yours.
At least you know that they're not smoking in the Park or whatever!
I would be happy with it as they are nice kids anyway!

motortroll · 28/07/2018 20:54

It's nice that they want to be there but it's your house and if you've had enough tell them to go home!!

BackforGood · 28/07/2018 20:54

How old is he / are they ?

Ihuntmonsters · 28/07/2018 20:59

Oh my dd was the one with friends over, my ds hung/hangs out online with his friends, no physical contact needed. Sounds as if your ds's friends aren't taking the piss and with a few tweaks you'll get through the summer just fine.

Original poster

hellomagpie · 28/07/2018 21:08

They are 14/15. Mainly Year 10s which DS is in (has just finished) I guess it’s nice for them all to have a chilled summer before Year 11 which is part of the reason I will just let it slide.
We are also going away for 10 days so they won’t be here then.
I am going to tell him he needs to make alternative arrangements for some days where I have plans to have family/friends here as it is my house and don’t think my MiL would appreciate 10 teenagers in the house when she comes round for tea!

OP posts:

mammmamia · 28/07/2018 23:24

Ah OP I hope my DC feel able to do this when they are teens. I think as long as they are not taking the piss with food and leaving mess behind them... it’s such a short time in the scheme of things.
When I was a teen my best friends house was the one we congregated at, I always wished people would come to my house but it never worked out that way.

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