They have been together for 2 years. DD is going in to Year 11 in September, and the BF has just finished Year 11, but has got no GCSE's and is not going to college as he sits on his arse all day playing , and only goes out when it's to smoke weed with his mates. I can't stand him. Before they got together, DD was a happy, outgoing, clever and popular child, but now she has dropped all her friends, couldn't give a shit about her exams, and spends all of her free time at his house. She denies that she smokes weed with him but we smell it on her at least once a week when she returns home from his. Me and DH (not her biological father but has raised her since she was 6 months. Bio father is a twat who wanted nothing to do with DD. He met a German girl while I was pregnant with DD and fucked off to Germany with her and has since had 2 kids. We've not heard from him since ) have tried to distract her from him and do other things with her but it always ends in her lashing out, throwing things at us, and frightening our other 3 DC (DS18mo, DD4, DS8), especially our severely autistic 8 year old who can't cope with any kind of loud noise. We went to Edinburgh for a week on holiday, and after 2 nights she stole money from my DH's wallet and used the money for a train ticket back to our city where she went straight to BF's house. We had no clue what she was up to with the BF so we had to drive home the next day after only 3 nights away. A holiday that we had been looking forward to for 6 months completely down the shitter due to her selfishness. A complete waste of money. When we returned home DH had to go and collect her from the BF's house but they wouldn't open the door, and his mum was out so it was just the 2 of them. DH was outside the house for an hour and she wouldn't come out until he threatened to call the police on the BF in for the weed. She reluctantly came out of the house but BF was screaming abuse at my DH from his bedroom window.
Since then, it's been an absolute nightmare. She was still attending school, but she'd go straight to BF's house after. Now that it's the Summer holiday's she'll be practically living there (even if we try and stop her from seeing him, how? We can't physically restrain her as she threatens us and other DC's). She's going in to Year 11 next year and she's not even so much as mentioned her GCSE'S ffs.
On Monday, I was able to talk to her properly for the first time in ages. She was on the sofa all day with stomach ache and vomiting. I tried to take her to the doctor for the pill last year but she refused, saying "it gives you acne and makes you fat" (I hoped to god that those were her real reasons for staying off it...) so my first thought was pregnancy. I left her on the sofa confident that she was too ill to move and went to the shop for a pregnancy test. When I got home with the test she seemed neutral, she didn't freak out like I expected her to. She just shrugged and went into the bathroom with it, almost like it was exactly what she had expected (planned?) to happen. As we are sat together waiting for the result, I asked her if she and BF had been taking precautions and all she said was "mostly". Fuck. Thankfully, both tests were negative (got a double pack). She looked so disappointed, and she went straight up to her room. For the first time in forever she opened up to me.
She's dealing with a lot of insecurities about her biological father. She knows the whole story. I fell pregnant at 21 (he was 25. He had a drug addiction when we were together but as far as I know he got clean in Germany) after a short fling and he wanted nothing to do with us. He fell head over heals with German girl and moved over there with her, married her, and had 2 daughters. She doesn't understand why they were good enough for him to sort his shit about but she wasn't. It breaks my heart. She was always close to her stepdad, but since we've had 3 more kids together she has apparently felt like the black sheep. Our other 3 kids have all had issues. DS8 is severely autistic and takes up a lot of our time, DD4 has been extremely clingy since I had our youngest, and our youngest was born at 25 weeks so has been in hospital for a huge portion of is life and we nearly lost him on so many occasions. I can see that she probably doesn't get as much attention as she needs, but it's so hard. We try but there are so many other problems to deal with. She said she feels like it's me, my DH and our 3, and she's just left at the side.
This was when the revelation came that she was secretly hoping to be pregnant, because then she could move in with the BF full time and raise their baby together and live happily ever after (or so she thinks). I was sensitive with her because she was in a state, but I pointed out that having a baby is hard and that the relationship probably wouldn't last, and she'd be stuck with a baby to raise and not enough GCSE's to even get her a job at McDonald's. At that point, she lashed out again and hit me in the face. I tried to calm her down but she kept on physically attacking me. I left the room and the next day she was gone (her illness must have been a 24 hour bug). I think she had climbed out of her window in the night. We went round to the BF's house and his mother said they've both gone to stay at his dad's house, and the stupid cow wouldn't tell us the address as she apparently "has never actually been to his house". She has been there the since our argument, I spoke to her one time on the phone earlier where she said she is okay but she refuses to come home. We have no idea where she is or if BF's dad even lives locally, or what the BF's dad is like. I'm thinking about calling the police but she says if I do she will make something up to get herself put in to care so that she doesn't have to come back home to our "shithole". I just want to cry but I can't because my other 3 DC are in the room and I'm so worried. DH is driving around town hoping he'll spot her somewhere