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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

beach without an adult

17 replies

Storminateacup74 · 23/07/2018 18:48

My dd is 12 and has been invited to the beach with a friend tomorrow. They will be getting a lift with her friends mum there and then walking to her friends dads workplace 5 mins from the beach for a lift home.

They will be there for about 3 hours. My main worry is the leery foreign men eyeing up two teenage girls, the forgetting to put sunscreen on, leaving their stuff whilst they swim and getting into trouble in the sea. The beach does have life guards on and i have told her to make sure they sit near the lifeguard station. I just wonder now if she is too young her friend has 2 full time working parents so been doing things like this parent free for a while now but this will be the first time my dd has gone to the beach without an adult present.

Debating whether to let her go or not??

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 23/07/2018 18:52

If she is sensible enough to take precautions with regards to her own sea and sun safety and the beach is well attended then I think she's fine to go.

Could you have a text code so that of she texts you a certain word then you call her, claim a change of plans and then ypu pick her up? That was she doesn't feel awkward about having to stay in front of her friends if she'd rather go home.

No life guard, quiet beach and unlikely to take reaponsibility for personal safety and it would be a no from me.

elephantoverthehill · 23/07/2018 18:57

Storm look up the tide times and if there are any dangerous tide conditions. That would be my worry. Mobile phone in a zip lock bag, lots of water, sunscreen and cover up tee-shirts.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/07/2018 19:01

Personally think its too young. Most the people i know that went without adults were 16-18.

cmimi83 · 23/07/2018 19:03

Let her go , she’ll be fine with the summer holiday on and good weather it will be packed with families. I’m in a sea town my dd’s basically grew up on the beach with friends, the only advice I have :tell her about not jumping off bridges or cliffs ( if there’s any) and wear shoes ( flip flops/ beach shoes) , there’s loads of druggies on the beach at night leaving their needles and stuff or at least where we are they are 👍

Original poster
Storminateacup74 · 23/07/2018 19:14

Last time a few weeks ago a whole group of them went on the bus and they went all day and I wouldn't let her go - so she missed out and was really cross so this time where she is getting a lift there and back I really want to let her go but just not sure. I am quite strict compared to alot of her friends parents and don't let her do half what they do and her friendship groups are being compromised because of it. Most of her friends seem to be the youngest sibling so parents are more lenient as done it all before but she is my eldest so find it harder to let go!!

OP posts:
TooTrueToBeGood · 23/07/2018 19:18

If you keep blocking her from doing things it's only a matter of time before she starts lying to you and doing them anyway. Better to know where she is and have the opportunity to discuss any potential risks with her so she knows how to mitigate them.

elephantoverthehill · 23/07/2018 19:25

Storm my first Dc suffered with being my eldest, but all his mates were the youngest. My middle one has a lot more freedom, but it responsible touch wood and keeps me informed of where he is. As for Dd I am worried about being too over protective, however by and large she has more freedom than her friends who are by and large Dc number ones in their families. It is difficult to get the right balance. I think your Dd will be ok if there are life guards and her friend's Dad is close by at work.

cmimi83 · 23/07/2018 19:32

I was exactly like you and at 14 she’s done a runner , when she came back I asked what she wanted from me and the first thing she told me is that I am too strict , relaxed the rules a little , very reluctantly I must say , but she’s going on 16yrs old now and hasn’t once broken them , fingers crossed. I had police around at some point and what they’ve told me is that I have to chill , didn’t know if they’re joking or not but so far they’ve proved to be right. Good luck 👍

specialsubject · 24/07/2018 09:37

leery foreign men? so there are no british men leering? how racist of you. she will get looked at. so what?

remind her that leaving the pie of tech on the beach will get it nicked, so leave it at home and take a book. ask her what she knows about tides, sun screen etc. your call if she has enough sense for this.

blackeyes72 · 25/07/2018 06:48

Leery foreign men.. How enlightened of you.. Sorry couldn't ignore this, I hope you realise the impact of what you wrote there and hopefully you are not passing these attitudes onto your child.

And no I wouldn't send my 12 year old in those circumstances, I would be too stressed and would rather take her myself or choose another activity.

8FencingWire · 25/07/2018 06:53

I allow it only of they go on a beach with life guards. No lifeguard, no swimming costume!

Sundance2741 · 25/07/2018 07:08

Do you know the friend well? Do you trust her parents' judgement? Is your dd sensible? Will she follow your rules? If yes to all these, then you should let her go. This is the age where they start doing things away from you without other adults present and it's a normal part of growing up but only you know if your child is ready for it.

Toofle · 25/07/2018 07:13

As long as she knows all men are safe apart from foreign ones, she's good to go.

DieAntword · 25/07/2018 07:16

I lived by the sea and spent time on the beach regularly by myself from when I was 8 or 9. A lot of the hotels along the seafront were being used for temporary accommodation for homeless families so there were loads of kids to play with.

Sunscreen - if she leaves it off and gets burned she’ll learn her lesson.

Strange men never interacted with me when I was in a group. And even then the worst interaction I ever dealt with was when I was 13 out late after dark and a guy asked me my age and I lied and said 16 and he said “woah that’s young” and stopped talking to me. At the time I was honestly so naive that I had no idea why my being young might be an issue and the worst that came of it was I felt slighted for my age.

Getting in trouble in the water is a concern but it’s not Going to become less of a concern at any age really, it’s more a personality thing, was students that got washed away to sea most in my home town.

pieceofpurplesky · 25/07/2018 07:18

Where are you that the beach is full of leery foreign men?

Original poster
Storminateacup74 · 26/07/2018 11:54

She went and had fun. She sat by the lifeguard, remembered to re apply sunscreen and didn't swim out too far. She lost the beach ball but otherwise all was great. There have been issues this summer on the beaches near us with groups of men and our council have told us to be aware - unfortunately i think that is the world we live in now. I didn't mean to cause offence.

OP posts:
LatteAndLettuce · 26/07/2018 11:58

Ignoring the 'leery foreign men' ... Hmm

At twelve - NO WAY.

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