Would I be reasonable in doing this?

[gracieandharrietxo]

My daughter has just hit 13 and since starting secondary school last year her behaviour has gone down the roof, despite my best efforts ( which show on the other children and on her previously) I can no longer control her behaviour and I’m struggling to discipline her.

I’m just wondering if joining her into air or army cadets could help? Because she won’t be able to mess about and there will be strict discipline I’m guessing. I’m just hoping that could help change her behaviour at home and school.

But I just have doubts because i don’t want to make her life hell because I don’t think it is something she will be interested in at first. I will kind of feel bad making her wear all cadet uniform and things knowing i chose this for her, but my gut tells me this could change things for our family. What is the discipline even like at cadets?

Am I being unreasonable? Thanks.

How will you make her go?

Sorry I don’t know if I’m replying or not, I’m new to this site tbh. And I don’t really know.

You are replying .
Can you find something that interests her to join? I think cadets might be difficult if she doesn't want to go. Are there any sports she likes ? What kind of behaviour is she displaying? Is she your eldest?

No, I have an elder daughter who is almost 16 and I’ve never had any issues, and she’s just rude, abusive, defiant and generally disrespectful towards me, her siblings, classmates, teachers, anybody. And not really, she doesn’t have any hobbies, which I feel is partly the reasoning she has too much time on her hands and gets enjoyment from upsetting people. I just felt that cadets would give her the discipline she needs? I’m not sure, thanks

Cadets is for enthusiastic volunteers, who are willing to learn and engage, it's not a boot-camp or a disciplinary measure. My cousin was an air-cadet for years before joining the RAF, and she loved it.
If your daughter doesn't want to be there, or doesn't behave herself or is rude, they won't want her there, and won't let her go. Cadets isn't the answer, I'm afraid.

Cadets does require a certain level of discipline but it’s not bootcamp. The teens that go there, go because they want to, not because they can’t escape. If you sent her to cadets and she was bombarded with all these rules she will just come straight home and tell you she hates it. Especially as she won’t have been there long enough to make friends that would encourage her to stay. Cadets only works because they kids go willingly, and are open to learning the rules.

Huge crosspost with fanny!

What does your DD love doing? If you woke up tomorrow and said “pick whatever you want to do today” what would she do?

I think you are right, she needs an engaging hobby, but at this age it really does need to be something she wants to do.

There are many options from sports to volunteering, and even getting a small job where she has to be responsible.

I would look into what might be going on for you dd. Were there any signs before the trouble started? Could something be bothering her or is she having difficulties in any area? Why does she like annoying people? Is she angry, resentful or unhappy?

Or do you need to try a different way of parenting. Difficult children challenge parents - your elder child obviously hasn't done so. This doesn't mean your parenting is at fault but maybe she needs something more / different?

I don't think cadets is the answer, though might help if she actually wanted to go. But even then it would be unlikely to solve all her problems.

While I agree that forcing your DD into cadets would be a bad decision, selling it to her and giving some slight encouragement would be a good idea. My DD has been in Air Cadets for several years now and it has changed her social life and her as a person for the better.

It's not a solution for your problems, but it could help if she approaches it with the right attitude. I'd recommend cadets for anyone's teenager.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me, I have quite a bit of experience with cadets.