Porn on ds 13 nearly 14 phone 😞

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

Is this normal?? And does anyone know how to set parental controls on a mobile?? I thought I had but obviously not 😞

@malovitt

That has to be the most unprofessional interview I've ever seen.

Unwatchable.

Gail Dines calls herself a radical feminist and is also a anti-pornography campaigner.

It's very hardline.

People like this scare me. By banning or making porn illegal you'll push it underground.
Education is the only way to go.

Why does it have to be a big slagging match?? I’m asking is it normal for them at this age to want to look at it?? I’m not ok with him looking it at all I’m horrified!!! In my day the norm was boys pinching their dads mags which again is not ok but back then we used to snigger and that was that. I don’t want him to look at porn and my dh has spoke to him before and put on the safety stuff but I’ve discovered it again and I’m not sure how we are supposed to tackle it!! Hence why I’m asking how can I block it.

@Dickorydockwhatthe

Not a slagging match as far as I'm concerned.

You need to talk to your son.

Don't leave it to your husband.
Your son needs to know you are both on the same page about him watching porn.

If you just block it, he'll find a way around it.

You can't control everything he looks at but you can ensure he is educated about what he sees.

Maybe Gail Dines is a radical feminist - so what? She is also saying education is the key and banning porn would be impossible.

Some parents who say they would be fine about a bit of "soft porn' being watched sometimes have no idea what the most innocuous of search words throw up. Kids have no need to 'search deeper' - it's there straight away.

@malovitt

I don't know how posting that link is helping op.

Communication and education are what's needed. Porn cannot be avoided or blocked.

It's not his dads job to face a word with him. Both parents need to be on side with this.

Op may find it an uncomfortable and embarrassing subject but they'll have to get over it.

Mydog- seems to me you don't understand how search engines and algorithms work. What an utter abdication of parental responsibility to "have a conversation" and leave it at that. How many of these boys will end up in the dock I wonder?

There is a HUGE difference between an old copy of 'Playboy' and the type of unregulated stuff on the internet. I work with young people and they use this as their sex education. It's frightening.

In what universe is that a developmentally normal thing for children to do?

Of course it's developmentally normal ffs. If it wasn't then every parent would be hot-footing down to their GPs demanding a psychiatric assessment pdq. I'm 50 and I remember looking at porn at that age

Normal doesn't however mean acceptable. Maybe some posters don't understand the difference between the two words For a variety of reasons it's not acceptable or desirable. Obviously. But yes. It is very very normal.

You need to have a conversation. I'm afraid you can't really ensure he never sees porn, in all its horrific graphicness. But you can explian how abusive the industry is, about trafficing, how the sex is not in any way shape or form indicative of sex within a relationship, and how women don't actually like anal , multiple penetration etc..

Wanting to watch porn or in my day look at magazines was normal. Parents condoning porn watching is not acceptable. Of course DC push boundaries and try to access unsuitable material but it doesnt mean we as adults should allow it.

mydogisshot sometimes being the cool parent is a pretty crap way of bringing up your DC, boundaries and discipline are also needed, in fact when they get to teens its needed even more. I certainly agree with ensuring you keep talking to your kids and trying to make sure they understand that porn is not real life, that most woman dont look or act in that way.

My DD who is now 24 told me some horrible stories about how some boys expect woman to act and behave and so much of it is due to the mainstream porn watching.

OP I would certainly try and limit the porn your son can access and make sure you keep talking to him Good luck.

I think looking for porn at that age is totally normal, but young people may not have the ability to interpret like adults do. It needs contextualising, so he has the ability to make sense of what he’s seeing and know that porn often bears little relation to actual sex. So you’re probably best off having a conversation about it. Maybe explaining that you restrict access because you’re not happy about how porn depicts sex. You could talk about consent, and sex in context of relationships, and also how it’s totally normal to go looking for porn but to bear in mind that it’s not a documentary of how sex happens!

I've never said I'm the cool parent. What an awful thing to say.

By not talking about it you are making it a bigger secret.
Op ffs talk to your son. Tell him you do not find it acceptable.

You will never be able to block porn.
Be a grown up and discuss open with your son. Good luck.

I talk to my ds a lot about relationships and girls and respect etc and briefly spoke about porn how it’s not what girls want etc although sex is natural, but this was even before I found it on his phone and more because he mentioned friends tried showing it to him and he found it disgusting back in year 7!!
The thing is for me it’s difficult because I hate porn and what it stands for anyhow and as a women I don’t understand why men watch it and I can’t relate to erections, wet dreams etc because I’ve not experienced it. So that’s why sometimes I feel dh should have these conversations as I know he showed an interest in that age. I’m not avoiding it at all as I will talk to him but from a female perspective I’m not sure what’s ‘normal’ for boys. At 13 I remember girls having sex and talking about it but I definitely wasn’t there yet but was definitely more aware!!!

@Dickorydockwhatthe

Both of you need to talk with him.
You both need to be there, you as the person who found it and your husband as the 'male' point if view.

You both need to make it clear that porn is not something you find acceptable or ever will.

Please try not to make him ashamed he is just exploring his curiosity.
It will be uncomfortable for everyone!
However, when it's done it's done.

Don't shout or get emotional.

Just talk.