Possible eating disorder and how to address

[Conniedescending]

DD is 15 and very into makeup, fashion looks and the whole Kardashian's crap. She's also very very slim but always has been since a baby as well as never having abig appetite. She does eat though and is t selective or picky

Anyhow a few weeks ago she told me a teacher was going to refer her to a counsellor as they called her in and weee worried. Apparently she's not been eating lunch at school. She then said it was because she wasn't hungry as it was so hot but I told her she had to eat something and she assured me she was. I also monitored at home and she has been eating as normal - not usually breakfast as she's always been like that but larger evening meal and always has snacks at home before bed such as wetabix or toast etc

Anyhow today got a phone call from school saying she'd told a teacher she had tamed herself sick after finding out what was in an energy drink. Apparently she had a drink and the teacher told her how much sugar was in it- today she said to the teacher well I threw it up afterwards and teacher says it sounded like not the first tome

So - not sure what to make of this . Months ago I recalled finding what looked like regurgitated food on bathroom floor but none of the kids said it was them so dismissed it and it may not have been that but it has made me think now

My instinct is to confront her immediately and get alll controlling but I know I need to be much more considered about how this is approached . Does anyone have any advice please as I'm really worried

Get yourself informed about eating disorders (b-eat website) and tune in to the signs.

Don’t worry about speaking to her - that won’t make it worse, secrecy will. Don’t be cross, be curious. Let her know that you are aware she has been making herself sick and you wonder where she learned about that, or why she started. Take her for a chat with the GP or school nurse, let her speak to them alone.

At home, say you want to encourage her to have healthy eating habits and that means eating regularly, eating enough and eating a variety, including snacks. Be around for meals as much as possible. Sit and do something together after meals (yes, so she can’t go make herself sick for an hour, but also because she probably needs not to be alone with her thoughts too much and distraction is good). Be open about why you are doing it and be prepared to have some compassionate battles about it - listen and compromise, but persist.

Encourage interests and thinking about herself in a range of ways - as someone living their life, not being an ornament. Exercise is fine in moderation, but don’t let it take over from being sick as a way of compensating or feeling ok about eating. Restrictive eating leads to bingeing which lead to guilt, so moderate regular eating is the answer. Watch out for any hodden food or any laxatives or slimming pills purchased off the internet (they don’t work and can be harmful).

If you think she is being sick more than three or so times a week, ask the GP if she will need a blood test (potassium can get low and this poses a cardiac risk). Tell her that it is better not to clean teeth after being sick as this erodes the enamel, clean them later on. Dental and throat problems are a real risk.

Hope this helps - she might be at the start of so ething and if you tackle it together now she doesn’t have to go down this path.

Make a GP appointment as a priority and take a look at Aroundthedinnertable.org - do not ignore this, I thought it would blow over here and I was very, very wrong.

Keep school up to date as well.

Some excellent advice on here already. I’d also recommend blocking some words on your WiFi like diet, binge, etc.

There are sone good books mentioned here OP for you and DD.

Act fast. Around the dinner table forum is amazing. Their advice and support saved my d. We are 8 years into this illness. The sooner you catch it the better. The illness will make your d devious and she will lie to protect it. You cannot believe what she tells you about food. GPs are really clueless so insist on a referral to CAMHS immediately. School nurses can be pretty ropey too. Our d had school lunch 'supervised' in the nurses' room but it was lunch break time and busy time for the nurses (bumps and scrapes) so she was left alone and able to flush her lunch down the loo every day, unbeknown to anyone. You have to become a very good detective and extremely vigilant. The fact your d told a teacher about purging may indicate she is frightened by her actions and wants help. You need to be with her and let her feel your love and support as she tries to fight the terrible controlling voice that is anorexia. No one told me this and my d got very ill. We are still hypervigilant and doing 3 meals and 3 snacks a day all supervised. It's worth a huge effort at the start to oust it. Good luck