Ban on gaming and use of mobile in evening advice

[pkhan]

Hi I have a 14 year old boy and 13 year old girl. Once we let our son have a PC and games console in his room about 3 years ago, I feel I sort of 'lost' him. He spends all his evening either gaming or on group chat on his phone. My daughter is the same in terms of spending her evenings in her room on her laptop watching makeup and fashion blogs on youtube and constantly talking to friends on phone. Usually 30 min break for family dinner then back in their rooms. Communication is reducing with us and they just sulk around when with us and are generally rude. I think they're both addicted to their devices so have established rule of no device after 9pm. Does this sound reasonable? Has anyone else put in place a ban in evening? They have responded with basically a riot so not going too well!

My one is not allowed any technology in her room at any time. Downstairs she puts her phone to charge at 10pm when is time to go to bed , she will read for another hour in bed and that is it. This has come in force about three years ago when the half naked selfies were the big thing but the ban has stayed , she kicked off at the beginning but now she’s ok with it , she’s 15yrs old.

8pm here no devices it's just a normality here

Thanks for the feedback - going to definitely stick to my ban!

We tried with the banning of mobile it worked for some time and then later went back to keeping the mobile in his room while sleeping and hence having late nights and then being grumpy next morning. When we tried taking off the mobile he started refusing to go to school next day and was staying in bed whole day doing nothing. He is 15. Really struggling to keep him away from devices.

Well if he refuses to go to school you should take away some other privileges he has,like not going out at et weekend or something along the lines. Is blooming hard but you have to stick to it and not give in no matter how much he pushes you.

Lately he does not like going out anywhere if we call him but is ok when friends call him out. Because he is depressed and lonely being single child making it worse. We are trying not to cause more stress on him by forcing him to do things. I'm unable to get him to see a counseller as he keeps refusing to take counselling. I went to see the GP but she refused to give him any medication and seek advise from CAMHS but had no luck other than getting a letter from CAMPS stating that his mental health is fine and they are not able to help anymore.

I do apologise if I might sound a bit harsh, I have no experience in this issue but are you definitely sure he’s depressed? what does he do or not do to make you think he suffers from depression? Mine is an only child as well.

He was happy child earlier always loved playing footie or table tennis. but as he is in his teens he has withdrawn into a shell. Hardly talks to anyone other than his close friends or his Xbox mates. He crying a lot and is very unhappy with anything and everything. Does not sleep well nor takes intrest in eating or studying or to go out. I’m hoping it’s just the hormones that’s causing all this but I just can’t see him lie this.

Hi must be just awful seeing your son being so low. Its heart renching but restricting gaming/mobiles is definitely a good thing. I'm dreading the summer holidays as know mine will have more time during the day now gaming and on mobiles, so need to find a strategy to distract them and keep them occupied - maybe restrict to few hours during day and evening. Trying to keep them busy by getting them to go out with friends and do a few family trips out, e.g. go to London and visit some attractions and go see family. Got a week on holiday in wales so got lots planned to do and there will be no internet!! Hope you all find a way to manage these wretched teenage years!!! Good Luck!!!

Thanks pkhan. We mangaged to restrict xbox timings. He had a melt down initially but then seem to have agreed to the times. so we set set times on wifi usuage so it cuts off automatically when playing xbox. so that's atleast sorted. its the mobile phone that I am not able to do anything. and I find it difficult to cut off the contract as he will then be totally isolated and lost without it. And as you mentioned I am dreading the holidays where he will now demand more xbox times and get addicted to it again. You must stick to the ban no devices after 9pm. I am going to try again and see if we can set the ban and give him warning if he does not listen we will cancel the contract. Good luck to you too.

Reading with interest. Got exactly the same worries. DS (nrly 14) loves Fortnite and Fifa and Netflix and is in his room a lot of the time and now it's the school holidays never seems to want to go out with us or do much except going out for a meal or shopping. Total struggle to get him out to walk dog or go for a swim. Normally he plays football 3 nights a week in term time so am hopeful once that starts again he won't have as much time for the Xbox. My DD is getting just as bad at 11. She rides every day during the holidays but as soon as she is back she is straight up the stairs in her room on FaceTime to pals constantly or watching horse videos on YouTube. Ive tried getting them down stairs to watch some of the World Cup games and movies that we all like like Harry Potter with some success. I just see such a difference in my DS this summer and am worried he is in his room such a lot and has hardly seen his school friends over the holidays- I think he's met them once so far. This is such a hard age- he says if he goes out I am worrying where he is or who he is with but if he is in then I am worried he isn't out with pals enough.....he's probably got a point. I remember just lazing about the house in the school holidays - it's just the device addiction I don't like xxxx