14 year old boy problems

[Wozzle78]

I'm new here and desperate for help please.
I don't know which way to turn with my son.
His behaviour is terrible at school, he bullies his younger sister, shouts and swears at me and is gemerally not a nice human being at the moment.

My self and his fathet are seperated and he is the king of playing one off against the other!

His last bad behaviour at school was the final.straw and i withdrew everything, xbox, phone, bike etc for a week.
He hated this and decided to go to his dads who is renowned as a soft touch with him. Lets him stay up til all hours on his xbox, come and go as pleases etc.

Hes now been gone 4 days, taken literally everthing and its breaking my heart.

He told his grandad that all i do is shout at him and never at his sister...how can i not come down on him hard when i get daily emails and calls from his school?

If he had no discipline he would def. Go down a bad route and all i am teying to do is prevent that.

If me and his father were still together he wouldnt have the get out to stomp round his, its just too easy to run off tondads where he gets an eaay run.

As a mother you dont deserve this behaviour from your teenage son, who should respect you. He sounds like hes really pushing you to see what he can get away with, and clearly his dad is not helping acting more like his mate than a father.. Really he needs to have a word with him, because his behaviour is unexceptable and its not fair on you..
Hope ur okay xx

It's the worst phase. Is gf responsible in terms of discipline? I feel your pain op. I am off to bed but didn't want to read and run. Mine is 22 now but drove me to the hills.
Talk to school. He is probably better out of your hair while you put a plan together

Will how DF look after him properly, cook his meals and wash his clothes? You might find that he may get bored of doing as he pleases when he’s hungry and missing you.

Let him live at his dad’s, his behaviour is unfair on your daughter. Let him his father’s problem.

When he's not in a temper, talk with him. Tell him you understand he loves being at his dad's with no rules but that you know he;s clever enough to realise that staying up gaming won't help him be successful or happy in life. That you know you do nag a bit but it's never because you want to wind him up. It's always because you want the best for him. And soemtimes the best isn;t the easiest or the most fun, but you are 100% sure it will lead him to being happier and richer long term.
Tell him you hate shouting at him and you;d be so relieved and happy never to have to again. But that you can't and won;t tolerate him bullying his sister. Ask him what he thinks would be a good, kind way for him to treat his sister. What does he think would show he loves and respects her. And then say that you will treat him that way too. Show love and respect to him with gentle, loving behaviour. Ask him to do it as an experiment for 24 hours, back home - no one shouting, no one bullying, and see how he feels. Ask him to come up with three things he'd like to do as a family regularly to feel like he's included, not just some lunky teen who gets in the way of the mum-daughter relationship.

There has to be a way to break the battles and power struggles that allows him to back down from his anger without losing face, and for you to agree to new ways of behaving wiht him, within you losing any sense of being in charge and responsible for his well being.

It seems obvious to us, but teens don't actually realise they get sanctioned because parents want the best for them. They think it's because parents get a kick out of being th eone with the power. We have to spell it out really clearly that that's not the case.

Also - if you can, cut way back on the amount of sugar he eats. Sugar massively affects moodiness in teens and children. It transforms my DC when they don't get any.