We currently live in the Middle East as a family of 4 and my eldest dd is 16. Being a non-muslim young female expat, she finds herself to be quite popular with the local young men where we live.
She is quite rebellious at the best of times, but lately this has escalated to a much higher level. Even though I feel that we give her enough room to have a social life with friends, we do impose a 10pm curfew during weekends/holiday which can be stretched if there's a good excuse.
Her dad has had to go away with work for the past few weeks, and in that time I have found out that she smokes, created an account on Tinder, gave her phone number to strangers, sent nudes and videos to men (I guess some of them she met on Tinder), went out telling me she is meeting with friends at the mall while in reality she went to some bloke's place for the evening and She sent a text asking someone where she can buy some weed. On top of this, we've also had a pregnancy scare. All this is in addition to the usual lying we've become accustomed to for a few years now.
I realised all this by finding cigarettes in her room and looking through her phone after one of my friend saw her profile on Tinder.
We've had a heated chat, made her do a pregnancy test (negative), her phone and all electronics have been confiscated and we've had a miserable time ever since 😞
The problem is she always complains that we're far too strict, her friends laugh at her for that (having to tell us where, who she is with and having a curfew) and that she is essentially the victim.
In my opinion, we're quite lenient but still want to protect her especially as she is under 18. She has also done wrong and must face the consequences!
We went to visit her friend and family a few nights ago and she asked if she could have her phone with her, so as to not appear to be grounded. I stupidly gave in but told her I will have her phone back when we come home, then watched her smirking and typing away on her phone for most of the evening. She informed me she had some messages asking to babysit on 2 nights next week, for which I said ok. On the way home, we discussed the possibility of allowing her to have her phone back with a gps tracker but that I would have to think about it for some time. When I got the phone back and looked at the messages, it turns out she is to babysit one night only. The 2nd 'babysitting' is actually to meet some local guy at his place!
She has no idea i can unlock her phone btw, so I have to be careful with what I say to her. However, I just don't know what to do with the constant lies...
Tonight, she is babysitting and needs a phone in case she has to contact the children's parents. I found an old phone, downloaded Kids Place, blocked all incoming/outgoing contacts except the essential ones (family + babysitting), restricted the use of apps and internet (She can't go on WhatsApp, Snapchat, Instagram, etc), can't use the camera, i installed a gps tracker too. When i handed it to her and explained what I had done and why, she went absolutely berserk!!! She said she expected to be handed her original phone back with gps tracker but no other restrictions, that I lied to her and she can't trust me. My response was that if she want her phone back, she will have to unlock it and we go through it together so I can see for myself that she has not misused it and can be trusted like she wants me to believe. Of course, her response was a flat NO, adding this was an invasion of her privacy.
So in her head i have single-handledly ruined her social life, her 'love life', the possibility of getting hold of some drugs, and i am asking to violate her privacy. Not once has she said "I've messed up, I'm sorry".
What would you do if you were in my shoes? Do you think I'm too harsh?